[Summer; Endurance Running] [Summer; Endurance Running] maybe we're all just fools 2.2

[gameseason_mod]

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“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jimin asks, nudging Jeongguk lightly as he takes a seat beside him.

Jeongguk looks up from where he’s been staring at his notebook and blinks several times before he registers Jimin’s question. “Oh,” he says. “Yeah. Why?” Ever since the incident after his mom’s surprise visit, Jimin always seems to ask this question, even when there’s really nothing wrong. As it turns out, he was the one who called Taehyung and asked him if Jeongguk was with him that evening.

“You’ve been staring really hard at that blank page of your notebook,” Jimin points out as he puts his bag down.

"Yeah I was supposed to do homework, but got distracted," Jeongguk explains, feeling heat creep up his cheeks. Jimin eyes him with raised eyebrows. "It's nothing," he hurriedly adds. "I mean it's just something about Taehyung."

"Where is Taehyung?" Yoongi asks, coming to sit across him and Jimin. He takes out his laptop and a book, opening his laptop and turning it on. "This is the first time I'm seeing you two not attached to the hip." He smirks when Jeongguk flushes.

"We're not always together," Jeongguk defends himself. They really aren't. Sure Jeongguk hangs out at Taehyung's place a lot and Jeongguk walks Taehyung to classes and Taehyung watches Jeongguk's track meets and practices, but they're not together all the time. Although, even if they were, Jeongguk doesn’t mind. Sometimes, he looks to his side and he almost expects Taehyung to be there, grinning at him. He smiles internally at the thought.

"I barely see you and I live with you," Jimin points out, making a face when Jeongguk gives him an apologetic smile. Jeongguk can’t say anything to that. He really hasn’t seen Jimin or spent time with him a lot ever since he met Taehyung. "I suppose it's fine. That way, Yoongi can always come over and we can, you know…" He wiggles his eyebrows up and down.

Jeongguk looks back down at his notebook in an effort to not let his displeasure at that information show too much. Jimin and Yoongi are gross enough as it is that he doesn’t really need to know what else they do when it’s just the two of them. He sighs and rests his chin on his palm.

“Really, what's wrong?" Jimin asks, elbowing him. His brows are furrowed, lips downturned, which is almost his default expression these days when he thinks something is bothering Jeongguk.

"I'm fine," Jeongguk assures him, patting his back. "I'm just thinking of something to do for Taehyung.” He’s been thinking about it ever since Taehyung took care of him so well that night. Taehyung didn’t just tend to his bruises, he listened to Jeongguk too, and that’s more than he could have asked for. He then looks up at Jimin and Yoongi, an idea forming in his head. "Where do you guys go on dates?"

Jimin and Yoongi exchange a curious look before turning to Jeongguk.

"Why?" Jimin asks, biting his lip, glancing at Yoongi with a fond smile. "Well Yoongi takes me to see dance performances sometimes." He smiles that smile that he reserves for when Yoongi makes him happy, which is quite a lot.

Jeongguk realizes that Jimin and Yoongi must have a really good relationship for them to last so long. He had been wary of Jimin immediately going out with Yoongi when Yoongi had asked during their freshman year. But at this point, two years down the line, they are still together. Jeongguk hasn't heard or felt Jimin wanting to break up or end things. From what he can see, Jimin is and has always been happy with Yoongi. Yoongi seems to make sure of that.

"Sometimes we go to photo exhibits or watch concerts," Yoongi shares, returning Jimin's smile.

"That's quite a variety," Jeongguk comments, wrinkling his nose.

"Well we're interested in different things," Jimin says, which Jeongguk has to agree with. Jimin is into dance, while Yoongi is into things like photography and art. One of their common interests, though, is music. "Why are you suddenly curious about this?"

Jeongguk shrugs, sucking his lower lip in between his teeth and look down at the table. "I just want to do something for Taehyung," he explains. Something special, something that will say I am grateful for all you do for me and with me. "But I'm not sure what. I don't think a standard movie and dinner is going to be enough,” he says. He originally thought to do just that, but he and Taehyung have done those before.

"You want to take him out on a date?" Jimin blurts out before he can stop himself.

Jeongguk turns red and coughs because he doesn't. That's not what this is. This is not Jeongguk taking Taehyung out as some romantic gesture. He just wants to do something nice for Taehyung, something that will make him smile, something that will make him happy. Jeongguk likes seeing Taehyung happy. He thinks of a way on how to explain this. But before he can say anything, Yoongi speaks up.

"I sure hope he does," Yoongi says, brows furrowed a bit in confusion, although his eyes are concentrated on his laptop screen. "They've been going out for a while now."

"Right," Jimin is quick to respond, giving Yoongi a smile before raising an eyebrow at Jeongguk. "I just mean what's so special about this particular date?"

"Nothing," Jeongguk says with a half shrug, avoiding Jimin's gaze. It almost feels like Jimin is judging him and trying to tell him something with his pointed gaze, and he knows what it is. But Jimin is wrong. "There doesn't have to be a special occasion for me to do something nice for him, right? I mean you guys do sweet stuff to each other all the time."

Jimin snorts. “Look who’s talking,” he mutters, but presses his lips together in apology when Yoongi gives him a lot. Jeongguk wonders what it means but decides not to dwell on it. “Well Taehyung likes dance too,” he tries to help. “Uh, he’s very into sports if you take into account all the teams he’s tried out for."

“But he never really joined any of those teams,” Jeongguk reminds him. “I don’t think he’s really interested in them.”

Taehyung has tried out for dance, track, volleyball, soccer, and even basketball, and has been accepted into all of them. He also sits in for the homemaking club in school sometimes, as well as auditioned for the school band with his saxophone. Recently, he’s learning how to play the guitar just because he thinks it’s cool. Taehyung tries a lot of things, but never really settles for any of them. It’s almost like he has this interest that fleets away when it becomes serious business or something.

"Taehyung likes dogs,” Yoongi speaks up, lifting his eyes from his laptop to look at Jeongguk. “He has a dog back home named Soonshim.”

“He does?” Jeongguk asks.

“Yeah he was very excited when he got it for his birthday,” Yoongi answers with a shrug, turning his attention back to his laptop. “He even cried when he had to leave it behind for university.”

“I hope you’re not thinking of buying him a puppy,” Jimin says, tone measured when he sees Jeongguk light up.

“Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous,” Jeongguk says, rolling his eyes. He straightens up on his seat and shifts in his seat as he thinks of something. “But I can take him to a dog shelter so he can play with the dogs,” he tells them with a big smile. “He’d like that, right?” He kicks Yoongi’s shin to get his attention.

“Taehyung is so easy to please,” Yoongi hisses, not even bothering to look at him. “You can give him a picture of a puppy and he’ll love you forever.”

Jeongguk ignores him. He’s pretty sure this idea is solid. He’ll pick Taehyung up from his apartment and tell him that they’re just going to go out and buy something that Jeongguk needs. Taehyung won’t even be suspicious, Jeongguk is sure of it. Taehyung never asks questions whenever he and Jeongguk go out. He always just says that he’s happy with whatever they do, that he doesn’t even care if they just hang out at home and watch DVDs or even just YouTube videos. Jeongguk grins. Then afterwards they can grab dinner and maybe hang out some more when Jeongguk takes him home. It doesn’t matter what happens afterwards. What’s important is the animal shelter and that Taehyung has fun there. It’s perfect.

“You look really excited about this,” Jimin says.

Jeongguk looks up from where he’s writing down details on his notebook, smile still on his face. He puts his pen down, noticing that Yoongi left. “Of course I am,” he agrees, grinning at Jimin. “If he loves dogs as much as Yoongi says he does, Taehyung is going to love it. He’s going to be so happy and that’s all I really need right now.”

Jimin is quiet for a second, lips pursed. “Jeongguk, do you hear yourself?” he asks. “I mean,” he continues, leaning closer to Jeongguk. “Don’t you think you’re taking this pretend thing too far?”

Jeongguk leans back and frowns. “How?” he asks. “We and Taehyung haven’t been doing anything that we aren’t supposed to do.”

Jimin gapes at him, disbelief clear in his features. “Not doing anything… Jeongguk, you and Taehyung have been acting like you two can’t get enough of each other, what with you guys touching each other all the time and cuddling and sleeping over at each other’s apartments,” he elaborates. “You’re acting like you’re actually dating."

“Well there’s a reason that we are,” Jeongguk says, shifting uncomfortably in his seat and closing his notebook. “So people would leave us alone because we’re together. It’s working really well, you know,” he goes on, smiling a little. He hasn’t had a confession in the two months he and Taehyung have been at this whole fake relationship thing. He’s even managed to actually make small talk with other people in his classes without worrying about their agenda. It’s been quite refreshing.

Jimin looks like there’s so much more that he wants to say, things that Jeongguk probably already knows but doesn’t really want to hear. He holds his breath, hoping the words never come because he knows what pretend relationships do to the people involved. Sometimes it becomes too real, feels too real, and it just destroys whatever friendship there is from the beginning. It’s either that or they actually fall in love. Jeongguk and Taehyung had an agreement: they’re not the type of people who get into relationships, which is the premise of this whole thing. They got together because they wanted to be left alone. There’s no way this is going to end up with them falling in love. Taehyung can’t even commit to a sports team. How is he going to commit to a relationship with Jeongguk? They’re fine the way they are and they will be fine when all of this is over. There is nothing to worry about.

“As long as you know what you’re doing,” Jimin finally says, finishing with a sigh.

“Don’t worry. We’re friends. No one is going to get hurt,” Jeongguk assures him with a resolute nod, even as a tinge of doubt keeps sneaking in. It would be stupid for them to get hurt when that’s the very reason why they’re doing this, so they won’t. He pauses for a beat to shake that thought away and focus on the task at hand. “So you think Taehyung will have fun at the animal shelter?” he asks, not entirely sure why Jimin glares at him.










“Are you ever going to tell me where we’re going?” Taehyung laughs as Jeongguk slides into the seat on the bus beside him with a flourish and a big smile on his face. “You seem so excited. I feel jealous that I don’t know what’s making you so excited,” he adds, unable to help himself but laugh some more at how Jeongguk is being.

“You’ll see,” Jeongguk says, grinning as he wiggles his eyebrows up and down. He’d asked Taehyung to go somewhere with him the moment he saw him after talking to Yoongi and Jimin about it. Why wait any longer? They were both busy with school and Jeongguk was busy with track as it is. Any time to spend outside of obligations is an opportunity. “But don’t expect so much,” he suddenly says, thinking about the possibility of Taehyung not liking the surprise.

“Jeongguk, it’s literally making you vibrate in your seat,” Taehyung remarks, laughing some more when Jeongguk wiggles as he looks out of the window to check where they are. “How can I not expect anything?” he teases.

“But what if it’s fails your expectations?” Jeongguk says, suddenly a little worried. He doesn’t have a contingency plan if Taehyung ends up not having fun. He takes a deep breath. It should be fine. Taehyung likes dogs.

Taehyung takes Jeongguk's hand in his and brings it to his lips, a smile on his face that Jeongguk sees more often. “I’m going to like it,” he assures him. “I already like it even though I don’t know what it is. The fact that you even thought of it for me…”

Jeongguk clears his throat, unable to say anything, his eyes on his hand now pressed to Taehyung’s cheek. There’s something that he’s feeling, somewhere in his gut, something he’s not sure of. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s foreign. Before he can delve further into this line of thought, he glances out of the window and takes his hand from Taehyung’s grip to press the stop button. He then smiles at Taehyung, who has this look in his eyes that makes him want to keep looking but forces himself to look away from, and takes his hand so they can get off the bus.

“So…” Jeongguk stops and turns to face Taehyung. “I heard that you have a dog back home named Soonshim,” he says and Taehyung’s face lights up at the name.

“Soonshimie!” Taehyung gushes. “Oh Jeongguk, she’s the best dog! I love her so much.”

“I heard,” Jeongguk chuckles. “And I’m sure you miss her a lot but since I can’t bring her to you…” He turns around and gestures to the structure behind him. “One of the guys who work here is in one of my classes and I called in a favor,” he explains. “We can have about an hour or so to play with the dogs by ourselves.”

Taehyung looks up at the signage and Jeongguk sees the joy bloom right across his face, how his mouth hangs open before it spreads into a wide smile, his eyes disappearing into crescents. He looks at Jeongguk, who can’t help but grin. How can he help himself when Taehyung looks like Christmas just came early? This is exactly what he wanted, to have Taehyung smiling like this.

They go in and Jeongguk’s classmate ushers them to where the dogs are, telling them that they’re free to play any one of them as long as the staff by the door is present. Jeongguk thanks him just as Taehyung immediately rushes to one of the cages, opening it and taking out the cutest little Beagle. It immediately starts licking Taehyung’s face and Taehyung laughs, nuzzling his face to the puppy’s. Jeongguk sits beside him, crossing his legs and takes out white Jack Russell Terrier with brown spots from the nearest cage to him. It slips through his fingers and runs around. Taehyung puts the Beagle in Jeongguk’s arms and runs after the Jack Russell Terrier. When Taehyung catches it, laughing breathlessly, he sits back down beside Jeongguk and pets it.

“So who told you about Soonshimie?” Taehyung asks, eyes bright and twinkling as he places a kiss on the nose of the Terrier. He laughs when it licks his cheek.

“I asked around,” Jeongguk answers, trying to go for mysterious. “You should tell me these things, you know, things like you liking dogs.” He makes a face at the Beagle on his lap, who keeps on wiggling around, probably wanting to run around. Jeongguk lets him go.

“Why?” Taehyung asks, mouth open a little in surprise. He looses his grip on the Jack Russell Terrier and it goes after the Beagle.

Jeongguk shrugs. He’s not sure why either, but he thinks it’s important that he knows things about Taehyung. “Why not?” he responds. “I mean, you know a lot about me. You know that I like to sing, especially when I get stressed. You know what my favorite colors are, that I live and breathe running…”

“None of those things are actually a secret, Jeongguk,” Taehyung teases, scooting closer to him so he can nudge him. The Beagle runs in front of him and he reaches out to pull it back to his chest. He chuckles when Jeongguk makes a face at him.

“The point is,” Jeongguk says, resisting the urge to poke a tongue out at Taehyung. He’s not childish so he won’t do that. “You know stuff about me and I want to know more about you.” He leans forward to make what he thinks are cute faces at the Beagle. The puppy barks at his face and he grins looking up at Taehyung, who has this small smile on his face.

“Well you know that I love dogs now,” Taehyung starts and Jeongguk kicks him. He laughs. “Okay, okay. I like… food,” he giggles when Jeongguk glares at him. “Japchae! I love Japchae! But you already know that. My favorite colors are black, white, and green. Well you know that I’m very curious and I like to read a lot about the unknown, like the outer space and aliens and stuff like that.” He grins, his smile a wide rectangle. “Is that enough?”

Jeongguk pretends to think about it but Taehyung shoves him, almost dropping the puppy on his lap. Taehyung lets it run around just as Jeongguk gives in, “For now. Just… I like knowing about you so you can tell me anything about you any time or all the time.”

Taehyung bites his lower lip as his smile dims a little. He moves even closer and leans his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder before Jeongguk can ask what’s wrong. “The last time someone said that to me…” Taehyung trails away and laughs the least happy sounding laugh that Jeongguk’s heard from Taehyung. “He was a guy whom I was friends with for a while. I didn’t think that it could happen to me, falling in love with a friend, someone whom I’ve practically grown up with,” he shares. “But it did.” Jeongguk can feel Taehyung’s sad smile on his shoulder. “It was wonderful,” he whispers. “We did so many things together. We even traveled as often as we could when money and time permitted. I thought he was it for me. He said it so himself as well.” He chuckles and it sounds frayed at the edges. “Until he broke up with me, of course, and told me I was too talkative, too weird, too much.”

Jeongguk doesn’t realize his hand is clasped with Taehyung’s until Taehyung shifts closer to him. He can’t imagine anyone doing all those things to Taehyung, practically promising him the world and then pulling the rug from under his feet. He knows that’s how relationships happen sometimes. It never just ends well, even when you think everything is fine and perfect. Nothing ever is. But Jeongguk would never have wanted someone like Taehyung, who is everything that is bright and beautiful in this world, to feel heartache like that. He reaches up and wraps an arm around Taehyung’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk softly says, not knowing how else to make Taehyung feel better.

Taehyung laughs and pulls away from Jeongguk. His face is devoid of the sadness of the story he just told. Instead, there’s a smile on his face, the same one from earlier. “Don’t be sorry,” he tells him. “That guy was a dick. Even Yoongi doesn’t really like him now.”

“Still,” Jeongguk says. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung chuckles, linking their arms together. “It’s just a fact that the more you give of yourself away, the bigger chance that it’ll come back to hurt you. And I know that’s what you want, but…” He pauses and looks at Jeongguk. “Isn’t that what you’re trying to avoid? Isn’t that the whole point of what we’re doing, so you don’t give any part of yourself away and get hurt?” Taehyung’s tone is so careful and uncertain that Jeongguk wonders how long Taehyung has been worrying about this.

“I…” Jeongguk stammers. He knows Taehyung is right, but at the same time he doesn’t understand what the concern is. “But it’s you,” he says, looking right at Taehyung. “I don’t think… you won’t hurt me, right?” Taehyung lets out a soft gasp that has Jeongguk hurrying to explain. “I mean, I don’t even get why things about ourselves are used to hurt each other. Why can’t we just use it to make people happy? Knowing things about another person gives you the chance to better make them happy. That’s just what I want to do.”

“You want to make me happy?” Taehyung repeats, voice raspy as if he’s trying to catch is breath.

Jeongguk doesn’t know why anyone wouldn’t want to make Taehyung happy. “Don’t make it weird,” he says instead, rolling his eyes. “Of course I want to make you happy. Why would I want to make you sad?” He finds himself with a lapful of Taehyung. Taehyung nuzzles his cheek, almost like one of the puppies in the shelter.

“You’re so…” Taehyung takes a deep breath. “Thank you for doing this for me,” he tells him and Jeongguk smiles because Taehyung’s eyes dancing the way it is now is all the thanks that he needs. Taehyung chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re so ridiculous, Jeon Jeongguk. Ridiculous.”

Jeongguk wants to say the same about him but keeps quiet instead.










Jeongguk thinks he’s doing really great right now. He's doing well in all his classes, his running times keep on improving, he and Jimin are talking more (but avoiding the topic with Taehyung), he and Taehyung are doing really well, and even his relationship with his mom has improved. Jeongguk makes sure to call his mom at least every other day now, as compared to before when he'd only talk to her when she would call him. It makes him feel really good about his life. What he thinks will make things even better is if Jieun would finally stop avoiding him.

Jieun never stops by the apartment anymore, never visits him during practice, doesn’t even hang out with them during lunch breaks. She keeps saying that she has a ton of schoolwork to do, but Jeongguk doesn’t really believe her. Jieun has always, always made time for him and Jimin even when she was extremely busy. It was just how their friendship worked. They made time for each other. Not this time, though. It seems there’s really something that’s keeping Jieun away. Jeongguk just hasn’t figured out what it is yet. So he decides to just ask.

“There you are.”

Jieun jumps, her books almost falling out of her arms, as she walks out of the classroom. She drops a hand to smooth her skirt down, a move that Jeongguk knows means she’s nervous. Jeongguk pushes himself off the wall and smiles at her, a smile that he hopes doesn’t look uncertain. He wants to seem like he thinks nothing is wrong, like he doesn’t suspect Jieun disappearing on him.

“Jeongguk,” Jieun says, sounding breathless. She glances around, arms tightening their embrace on her books. “Where’s Jimin?”

“Dance practice,” Jeongguk says. “Just me and you today. I was thinking we could hang out at the apartment and I’ll make some of those pancakes that you like so much. What do you say?” He smiles, hoping against hope that Jieun will prove him wrong and say yes. He hopes that with this, it would just mean that they are actually okay and he wouldn’t have to ask her anything.

Jieun hesitates and then shakes her head, her long, shiny hair moving in waves down to her back. “I can’t, sorry,” she says, although she sounds more relieved than apologetic. “I have a paper to write.”

“You can do it at the apartment,” Jeongguk suggests, offering to carry her books, which she declines. He stops walking and catches her arm. “C’mon, Jieun, at least give me a chance to apologize for whatever it is that I did to make you avoid me.” He lets her go and sighs. “Let’s just talk here,” he offers. “Just tell me what I did wrong.”

“Do you think there’s anything you did wrong?” Jieun asks him, pursing her lips and looking like she’s annoyed at being cornered like this.

“I don’t know, Jieun,” Jeongguk repeats. “That’s why I’m here asking you.”

Jieun looks even more upset with this. She shifts her books to her other arm and flips her hair back with her free hand. “I’m surprised you even noticed,” she scoffs. “What with you being busy dating and all.”

Jeongguk takes a step back at the surprising attack at his supposed dating life. But maybe that’s just Jieun’s way of saying that she wishes he had told her in the first place about Taehyung, that she shouldn’t have had to find out from other people. Really, he had intended to tell her, but he hadn’t had the chance to, what with her evading all his invitations to meet up.

“I’m not that busy,” Jeongguk says, trying to make light of the situation by smiling a little. “Not like you at least. I can barely get a hold of you these days.”

“And that matters to you?” Jieun asks, looking away and staring at something at the floor. All students seems to have left the building, the hallways empty.

“C’mon, Jieun, you know that it matters,” Jeongguk says, running a hand through his hair. A gesture that Jieun follows with her eyes before she looks away and takes a deep breath. “You’re one of my best friends. And Jimin won’t tell me anything. All he keeps on saying is that you’re busy.” He swallows and takes a deep breath. “Why have you been too busy to spend time with me?”

Jieun takes a step backward and another and then shakes her head. “I can’t do this right now,” she suddenly says. “I have to go.” She turns to go. Jeongguk grabs onto her wrist, knocking her books to the floor in the process. “Damnit, Jeongguk,” she huffs, crouching down to pick them up, but Jeongguk doesn’t let her.

“Is this about Taehyung?” Jeongguk demands, starting to get a little annoyed at the lack of answers that he’s getting. “Why are you so upset with him or me dating him? Is it because I didn’t tell you, that you had to find out at the party? Is it—"

“Oh I don’t know, Jeongguk,” Jieun snaps, taking her hand from him. “You never really tell me anything anymore anyway. I understand you like avoiding things, but did you really have to tiptoe around me after you left my dorm that day? You could’ve just told me you felt uncomfortable instead of making me feel like…” She takes a deep breath.

Jeongguk blinks at her. “What are you talking about?” he asks. Sure, he was uncomfortable, but when did he ever make her feel like shit? When did he ever avoid her and treat her like that? “I’ve never—“ He takes a deep breath and decides he’s not going to fight her on this. If that’s how she felt… “I’m sorry I made you feel that way,” he starts. “I didn’t realize… I’m sorry.”

“That’s not even…” Jieun sighs. “Stop apologising. I didn’t mean—just, let’s stop talking about this. I wasn’t supposed to say that. That wasn’t really what I was upset about. Sure, it was in the beginning, but… Never mind. Just forget it.” Jeongguk has never heard Jieun out of words like this before, unable to really express how she feels, especially with him.

“I’m sorry anyway,” Jeongguk insists. “I’m not sure what else I did wrong. If it’s about Taehyung or me dating, I don’t know why that’s something you’d be upset about. I mean—"

“I really don’t want to talk about this, Jeongguk,” Jieun cuts him off and crouches to finally collect her books. “I really don’t want to talk at all anymore. Please leave me alone.”

Jeongguk watches her walk away, not having any heart to go after her after that conversation. It’s obvious there’s something more going on that she’s letting on. What it is, he’s not sure yet, although he wishes he knew so that he can fix it and get things back to the way they were. All he has to do is get her to talk to him again. He’ll apologize and then try to understand what else she’s upset with him about. It’ll be okay. It should be. He can’t lose Jieun too.

But even as he tries to convince himself of it, Jeongguk can’t help but think that he already has.










Jeongguk arrives at Hoseok’s apartment an hour after Taehyung invited him to come over. He hadn’t known what to do after fighting with Jieun. He was sure that he didn’t want to hang out with anyone, but didn’t want to be alone either. So he called Taehyung. Because Taehyung is his friend and, these days, he practically calls him for anything.

When he gets there, the apartment is empty and quiet, save for a clanging coming from the kitchen, as well as a slightly burning smell. Jeongguk toes his shoes off, as well as his sweatshirt, only leaving him in a plain, white shirt. He finds Taehyung pattering around in the kitchen, moving around and moving plates here and there, chopping ingredients, all the while leaving whatever is in the pot on the stove smoking.

“What are you doing?” Jeongguk asks as a way of announcing his arrival.

Taehyung jumps, turning around, the spatula in his hand dripping something like yellow goo on the tiled floor. “Jeongguk,” he yelps, his free hand on his chest. His expression immediately brightens up and he gestures for Jeongguk to come closer. “Come taste this.” He dips the spatula back in the pot and waves Jeongguk over.

“Are you sure you should be in Hoseok’s kitchen while you cook?” Jeongguk teases, knowing that Taehyung’s kitchen is too small for anything other than a mini stove. But he opens his mouth and tastes what he thinks is supposed to be smoother, less thick, and a lot less spicy than it should be. “Um,” he comments. “It’s good?” He hopes he sounds more convincing than he feels.

Taehyung laughs, putting the spatula back in the pot, and makes a face as he turns the stove off. “Don’t lie,” he says. He sighs and leans against the counter. “I learned how to make yellow chicken curry with the homemaking club today and I figured I’d put it to practice. I was going to just bring you some but since you wanted some company… Well it’s lucky that you’re here to immediately taste how bad it is.” Pushing himself off the counter, he smoothens Jeongguk’s furrowed brow when Jeongguk stays quiet. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.

Jeongguk just shakes his head and takes Taehyung’s hand off his face, intertwining their fingers together just because he knows it will make him feel better. Holding Taehyung’s hand always makes him feel light and comforted. “You joined the homemaking club already?” he asks instead, a smile forming on his face.

Taehyung scrunches his nose. “Hmmm not exactly,” he says, grinning. “I just heard that they were going to teach how to make curry so I wanted to go and check it out.” He shrugs. “I was thinking that maybe I could make it for you since you made Japchae for me.” His rectangle smile appears on his face, eyes disappearing into crescents, and Jeongguk has this sudden urge to take Taehyung’s face in his hands and, maybe, find out what that smile tastes like.

Jeongguk drops Taehyung’s hand and moves to the stove. “How about I make you some of this curry?” he says, chuckling when Taehyung gasps in excitement behind him.

“Will you really?” Taehyung sounds giddy.

“Yes,” Jeongguk says, laughing as he dumps what’s on the pot in the stove and rinses it. There are still a lot of the ingredients left that Taehyung hasn’t mangled with his less than stellar chopping skills so he can work with that. He needs this. Anything to get his mind focused on something else. “I’ve cooked curry before,” he shares.

Taehyung lets out something like a squeal and wraps his arms around Jeongguk from the bad, his chin hooked over Jeongguk's shoulder. “Can I stay and watch you then? Like this?” he chuckles, his breath tickling Jeongguk’s ear.

Jeongguk chuckles, even as his heart jumps in his chest. Sometimes, more often recently, it happens whenever Taehyung would touch him and show affection. It’s ridiculous how much it’s starting to affect Jeongguk because it’s not like it’s a secret that Taehyung likes to touch. Taehyung has always been touchy and Jeongguk hasn’t really cared. He even returns the affection because he likes how Taehyung’s eyes light up when he does. These days, though, it feels amplified for a reason Jeongguk has yet to figure out.

“You could,” Jeongguk hedges with a laugh, patting Taehyung’s hands clasped together on his tummy. “Or you can help me cook,” he suggests. “Chop some of the ingredients?” He wrinkles his nose. “Pineapples in curry, Taehyung? Really?” he comments when he sees a can of sliced pineapples.

Jeongguk feels his shrug behind him. “I just followed what we did during the class,” he tells him, snuggling even closer that their cheeks are now pressed against each other. “They taste pretty good in it. But if you don’t want them, of course we can take them out.” He turns his head and grins against Jeongguk’s cheek.

“Nah,” Jeongguk says as he starts chopping, making sure not to elbow Taehyung. “We’ll leave it in. I trust you.”

Taehyung snorts, his arms around Jeongguk’s waist loosening. “Yeah, with pineapples in your food,” he chuckles.

“No,” Jeongguk responds, shaking his head. “I trust you with everything.”

Taehyung keeps quiet and, for a second, Jeongguk thinks he said something wrong. But then Taehyung rests his forehead on Jeongguk’s shoulder. “If you keep saying things like that, I just might start to believe you,” he says. It’s a whisper but one that Jeongguk hears loud and clear.

Jeongguk frowns as Taehyung pulls away and grabs another knife to start helping with the chopping. “You don’t believe me?” Jeongguk almost demands, feeling even more affronted when Taehyung just chuckles in response. He does trust Taehyung with everything. Is that something hard to believe? “Why don’t you believe me?”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you,” Taehyung assures him. “It’s just that—oh shit.” He drops the knife and when Jeongguk looks over he can see the blood pearling on Taehyung’s pointer finger.

Jeongguk grabs Taehyung’s injured hand and puts it under the faucet, letting the water wash away the blood and cleaning it. “Does it hurt?” Jeongguk asks with a pointed look at Taehyung, one that Taehyung returns with a sheepish smile. “I’m surprised you managed to kill yourself when I wasn’t around.”

“Well I wasn’t exactly nervous then,” Taehyung mutters.

Jeongguk doesn’t know what he means but he turns the faucet off. He watches as Taehyung cradles his hand, a pout on his lips. “I’m going to find Hoseok’s first aid kit,” he tells him. “Sit down and don’t move. Don’t touch anything.” Taehyung nods. “I mean it, Taehyung,” he repeats and Taehyung just laughs and shoos him away.

When Jeongguk comes back from practically ransacking Hoseok’s bathroom, Taehyung is sitting on the counter, blowing on his finger. He winces every time he does so and Jeongguk shakes his head as he puts the first aid kit down on the counter, taking out the antiseptic and some cotton.

“It’s just a scratch,” Jeongguk tells him as he takes Taehyung’s hand and starts dabbing it with the cotton soaked with antiseptic. Taehyung kicks Jeongguk’s knee on reflex.

“Sorry,” Taehyung smiles at him, fluttering his lashes, and pulls Jeongguk in between his legs. “Sorry. I won’t try to kill you while you cure me, I promise.” He laughs when Jeongguk rolls his eyes. “It really is just a scratch,” he then says, his laughter dying down when Jeongguk leans forward to blow on his finger very gently.

“You never know if it will be infected,” Jeongguk insists as he wraps a Band-Aid around the finger and, just because he feels like it, gives it a kiss. Taehyung’s breath hitches and Jeongguk looks at his face in concern. “What?” he asks. “Does it hurt?”

“I’m going to kiss you now,” Taehyung says instead of answering the question.

“Oh,” Jeongguk replies, mouth hanging open. Taehyung follows the movement with his eyes, and Jeongguk suddenly realizes that this just might be what he meant earlier when he said he wanted to taste Taehyung’s smile. This should be okay. Kissing is okay. They haven’t really talked about doing this, although Taehyung did joke about kissing in public. But kissing in private is okay too. He wonders what it means that they’re going to kiss without an audience. “Okay,” he agrees before Taehyung opens his mouth to say something, frowning.

“Okay?” Taehyung asks, eyes widening.

Jeongguk leans closer, deciding to forgo a verbal response. his hands find Taehyung’s waist, just as one of Taehyung’s arms circle Jeongguk’s neck slowly, as if he’s unsure this is what he should do. Taehyung places his other hand on Jeongguk’s cheek, cupping it. It’s more determined and Jeongguk has to remember how to breathe because Taehyung is so close now. He can feel Taehyung’s breath on his face, the lips that gives such warm smiles so close to taste.

When their lips touch, there’s a few seconds where neither of them do anything, just keeping steady, their lips pressed together. But then Jeongguk thinks about how soft Taehyung’s lips are, how amazing it feels and how warm and tingly he feels all over. Jeongguk takes a step closer, his hands fisting Taehyung’s shirt, so he can feel more of it, and Taehyung gasps as a reaction.

Their lips move against each other in slow, measured presses. Jeongguk tries not to sigh with each slide of their lips, not wanting to seem like he’s being swept off his feet. But Taehyung kisses so well. Jeongguk’s body feels starved for something he didn’t even know he needs. Jeongguk pushes even closer, ignoring all he voices in his head that’s telling him he shouldn't, and reaches up to cup Taehyung’s face just like how he wanted to do earlier. He tilts his head to gain better access to Taehyung’s kisses and Taehyung makes a sound from the back of his throat, like a grumble or a groan, that just urges Jeongguk on. He just want to keep on doing this, just wants to keep on kissing Taehyung. He just wants more.

“Whoa whoa whoa.”

There’s a yelp and then a thud that makes Jeongguk jump back. Jeongguk gapes at Taehyung, who looks right back at him, hair mussed and lips pink and swollen. A surge of satisfaction goes through Jeongguk at the thought that he had caused that and that maybe he should do it some more. Until Taehyung looks towards the doorway and Jeongguk remembers that there’s a reason why they stopped. Because they apparently had an audience and that audience has finally acknowledged them. Oh.

“When I said that you could use the kitchen,” Hoseok says, slowly walking in. “I meant for cooking.” He smirks when Taehyung bows his head, cheeks red, as he hops off the counter. Jeongguk’s pretty sure his face is red, as well, if how it feels hot is any indication.

Jimin walks in after Hoseok, arms crossed on his chest as he leans against the fridge. “What were you guys doing?” he asks, although it sounds almost like a demand to Jeongguk’s ears.

“We were just…” Taehyung clears his throat when his voice sounds too rough. “We were just… Jeongguk was helping me make curry.”

“Oh is that what kids call it these days?” Hoseok teases as he pushes Jimin off the fridge so he can take out the carton of juice in it.

Jeongguk makes a face at him. “It’s not like you’re any older than us,” he retorts and, beside him, Taehyung chuckles. Jeongguk grins at him. “What are you guys doing here anyway? I thought you guys have practice.”

“We do,” Jimin says, eyebrows raised. “Hoseok just needed the mix of the next piece we’re working on so we had to go get it.”

“Sorry for disturbing you guys making curry,” Hoseok says, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. “We’ll go now so you can carry on.” He pulls Jimin out of the kitchen. “Don’t spill anything and make sure to clean up after,” he calls from the doorway before it sounds shut.

Jeongguk glances at the floor then at the unfinished cooking before he turns towards Taehyung, who’s watching him with bright eyes. “Um,” he stammers. “Do you want to continue?” He’s not entirely sure what he’s asking, if he means the cooking or the kissing because they don’t have an audience now and there really is no need to keep kissing. But he thinks he’ll let Taehyung decide anyway.

Taehyung’s eyes glance at Jeongguk’s face and then at the cooking. “Let’s finish the curry,” Taehyung decides, and Jeongguk slowly lets out a breath.

Jeongguk forces himself to believe that he’s not disappointed with that answer.










“Jeon, you’re up,” Minho calls, not even looking up from the clipboard in his hands.

Jeongguk gets up from his seat and starts stretching a little. He’s already run the five kilometer run earlier; He’s not really worried about the three kilometer run. Taehyung follows him down to the oval anyway, skipping beside him.

“You’re going to win the gold again, I’m sure of it,” Taehyung says, running his hand through his hair, probably to keep it from sticking to his forehead due to the sweat.

“It doesn’t matter,” Jeongguk says with a light chuckle. “It’s just a competition.” Somehow, winning medals has mattered less to him that year, his focus having shifted to other things.

Taehyung tuts beside him and puts an arm around Jeongguk’s shoulders. “So what,” he says. “It’s a huge honor to the school. You’re probably going to get banners all over school again.” He laughs.

“I doubt that,” Jeongguk says, shaking his head as he remembers the banners that his suitors, if he could call them that, put up all over school every time he won something at a competition. “I have you now,” he reminds Taehyung when he gives Jeongguk a questioning look. “You’re my boyfriend, remember? Would they dare flirt like that when I obviously don’t look at anyone else?”

Taehyung pulls Jeongguk to a stop and faces him. There’s something different in Taehyung’s eyes, something that he catches whenever Taehyung thinks Jeongguk isn’t looking. The problem is, Jeongguk is always looking and he sees a lot more than maybe Taehyung doesn’t want Jeongguk to see.

“The things you say, Jeon Jeongguk,” Taehyung says, chuckling, the seriousness from earlier gone. “You’re going to be great.” He takes Jeongguk’s hand and presses a kiss to his knuckles. Jeongguk’s heart skips a beat.

“Of course he is.” Jieun seems to just appear from behind Jeongguk, wrapping an arm around Jeongguk’s waist. “Jeongguk always does so well,” she adds, smiling.

“Jieun,” Jeongguk says, blinking at her, and then looking at Taehyung with furrowed brows. Taehyung shrugs at him. “What are you doing here?” The last time they talked Jieun told him to leave her alone. And he has. Because he figured that they both needed the space to think before they talked again.

“What, I’m not allowed to cheer you on your meets anymore?” Jieun asks, giving him an innocent smile. She drops her arm from around his waist and links her arm with Taehyung’s instead. “Taehyung and I will cheer on you,” she tells him, grinning at Taehyung, who uncertainly returns it. “Maybe next time we’ll have banners.”

His event number is announced across the stadium and Jeongguk looks towards the starting line. The other runners are starting to assemble, stretching and chatting with each other.

“Go,” Taehyung tells him before he can say anything. “Good luck.” He smiles and Jeongguk nods, feeling confident. Glancing at Jieun and then at Taehyung once more, he nods at them and he’s jogging off.

Jeongguk forces himself to focus on the task at hand. Three kilometers is practically a walk in the park for him. It’s an endurance run, but it’s pretty short and fast, compared to 10 kilometer runs that he wants to do more. But, for some reason, he’s feeling nervous. He’s not entirely sure what it is, but there’s something nagging at him and crawling under his skin, making him fidgety and on edge.

“You okay?” the runner on the lane next to his asks. He’s taller than Jeongguk and one that Jeongguk remembers paces himself at the beginning before going all out at the end. “You look a bit peaked.”

“I’m fine,” Jeongguk says. He looks to the side, where Jieun and Taehyung are standing, both smiling as they talk. Taehyung looks up at that moment and grins at him. Jeongguk smiles back, feeling a bit appeased. Turning back to the starting line, he jumps up and down, shaking his muscles to relaxation. Everything’s fine.

Each runner is announced, along with their universities. The cheers are loud and he allows the ones that come after his name is called to wash over him. Normally, he tunes things out, not even really hearing anything even if he tried. But this time, he thinks he needs to if only to grasp at all the energy that he needs.

Jeongguk closes his eyes, feeling the rush of the breeze, as he crouches down to starting position. On your mark. He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes, eyes trained on the stretch of red that he has to run on. Get set. He stretches his legs a bit, pushing his bottom up in the air.

Go.

The moment Jeongguk pushes off, he immediately knows that it’s not going to be a good run. His legs almost feel wobbly, almost like this is his first run and he’s terrified as hell at screwing up. Which is ridiculous because Jeongguk didn’t even feel like this during his first run. He’s never felt like this, like he’s afraid he’s going to fall any moment and hurt himself. But he pushes on anyway and soon enough the first lap is done.

He sees Taehyung and Jieun still standing by the side where Jeongguk left them earlier. He passes by them and sees the way Taehyung waves and claps for him, Jieun smiling as well. Jeongguk breathes as evenly as he can and, for the first time, becomes aware of the runners beside him. He’s at the head of the pack as far as he can tell. How ahead, he’s not sure. It’s not like it really matters; it doesn’t, but he’s also never really noticed other runners whenever he ran before. He takes another deep breath and tells himself to just look ahead. The last lap is approaching.

When Jeongguk turns to look, he sees Jieun still standing there, clapping and smiling, but Taehyung is nowhere in sight. He doesn’t really have time to dwell on it, but Jeongguk wonders just where Taehyung went. It’s not that Jeongguk keeps track, but Taehyung always stays to watch the entirety of his events. Maybe he needed to go to the bathroom badly, Jeongguk thinks, in an effort not to think too much of it. But it is weird no matter how he looks at it. In all his meets, he sees Taehyung jumping up and down with each lap, no matter that it’s a long distance even and that he gets tired cheering for so long.

Jeongguk knows he shouldn’t do it, but he looks back to the spot where Taehyung should be.

In that one second of split decision, he trips and falls to the ground.

Jeongguk coughs, bruised palms and knees resting on the gravel. Everything in his body feels like it hurts. His chest is heaving, trying to catch a breath that he can’t seem to find, and his head is throbbing from where it hit the ground, albeit not that hard. But he’s hurting and, strangely, the first thing that he still does is look for Taehyung. Only, Jieun is the only one standing there. She doesn’t have a smile on her face this time and she only looks at him for a second, something flashing in her eyes, before she’s walking away. Jeongguk wonders where Taehyung is and why he didn’t even see Jeongguk fall.

“Jeongguk, get up,” someone yells from the stands. He thinks it’s Jimin.

Jeongguk pushes himself off the ground and runs. He’s not sure what place he is now or if there are even runners behind him. It probably doesn’t matter anymore since he’s already screwed up. But he runs and runs and runs, just like those early days when he just really wanted to run away and never look back, when his mother's and father’s yells where too much for him, when his tears can’t be stopped because the fairy tale is ending and his family is falling apart.

He crosses the finish line at fifth place, something that has never happened before. Jeongguk never finishes anything lower than second. But Jeongguk doesn’t care because when he looks up, Taehyung still isn’t there.










“Hey.”

Jeongguk squeezes his eyes shut when he feels the bed dip and the hand on his thigh. It’s the day after the meet and Jeongguk has decided that burying himself in his bed is the best way to make him forget about what happened. He can’t very well resort to running because, well, he did just fall and he feels pretty bruised.

“I’m fine,” Jeongguk grunts when Jimin taps his thigh.

“I didn’t say you weren’t,” Jimin says, voice soft. He doesn’t say anything for a while and Jeongguk tries to breathe easily, hoping that Jimin doesn’t push this too hard. “The team is out celebrating later today,” he continues. “You should go. They’ve been asking about you. Joonmyun looks like he’s going to shit himself worrying about you.”

“He would,” Jeongguk snorts. He takes a deep breath. “But no. I’m fine right here,” he says, muffling his voice as he buries his face further into his pillow.

“Is this about Taehyung?” Jimin asks. There’s more shifting on the bed and Jeongguk knows that his best friend is now lying down beside him. “I heard that he wasn’t feeling well that’s why he left.”

Jeongguk knows that’s a lie and he knows that Jimin knows it too. It’s possible that there isn’t something wrong. But he knows that not everything is okay either. There’s something bothering Taehyung, which is why he left, which is why he hasn’t answered Jeongguk’s calls. Taehyung always answers Jeongguk’s calls.

“I’m fine, Jimin,” Jeongguk tells his best friend. “Really. You should go out with Yoongi or Jieun. I’m sure she’s talking to you.” He immediately regrets the words the moment they come out of his mouth. He’s never said anything to Jimin about the misunderstanding he and Jieun are having. Jeongguk didn’t think it was imperative for Jimin to be dragged into it, no matter how much it would affect their friendship.

Jeongguk is still confused about Jieun’s behavior. She avoids him and when he finally gets to talk to her, she shuts him down. And then she’s suddenly at his track meet, cheering him on and even talking to Taehyung like they’ve always been friends. Jeongguk is pretty sure that Jieun isn’t very fond of Taehyung if only for the fact that Jieun doesn’t seem to approve of Jeongguk steadily dating. Which is understandable because she knows Jeongguk isn’t the dating type. But he supposes it must’ve really hurt her when he didn’t tell her about Taehyung. Sighing, Jeongguk shifts on the ed and pulls the covers tighter around him.

“I would think that because of what happened,” Jimin starts. Jeongguk braces himself because he’s the one who opened this topic for discussion between the two of them. “Because you were there, you would understand why Jieun is so upset with you, why she’s avoiding you.”

Jeongguk sighs and opens his eyes, staring at the wall in front of him. “I didn’t mean for it to happen,” he says, feeling like he’s explained himself too many times. “Jieun needed someone and, of course, I was there. I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t just want to leave her even if—”

“Maybe you should have just left her,” Jimin interrupts. There’s a rustling of the sheets and Jeongguk knows Jimin is facing him, his eyes boring on his back.

Jeongguk feels confused at Jimin’s response. He sits up and looks at his friend. “Jieun needed someone to be there for her and you would have wanted me to leave her?” he asks in disbelief. “Of course I wouldn’t leave her. She needed a friend.”

“Yes, she needed a friend. Not a one night stand,” Jimin argues. He sits up as well, his eyes hard on Jeongguk. “Of all people, Jeongguk. I would think that Jieun is off limits. I didn’t think I needed to tell you this. This is Jieun we’re talking about. Of course it would mean something to her so of course she’d be upset you just brush it aside like it’s nothing afterwards. You do know that not everyone sleeps with someone without meaning it, right?”

Jeongguk opens his mouth and the closes again, at a loss for words. “What are you talking about?” he blurts out once he’s gathered his thoughts. “A one night stand? With Jieun?”

Jimin stares at him and Jeongguk has never been on the end of that angry stare, the one that Jimin has given to people who had made fun of Jeongguk, people who tried to make light of his family situation, and even Jeongguk’s brother. Jeongguk never thought that Jimin would ever look at him that way, like Jimin is disappointed in him. It feels worse than if Jimin just punched him.

“Are you really going to act like it didn’t happen?” Jimin asks. He gets off the bed and takes a couple of steps back, opening and closing his fists. “Are you going to act like it was a drunken mistake?”

“No, I’m not going to act like it was a drunken mistake. We were drunk but nothing happened. She came on to me, but I didn’t—” Jeongguk says, getting off the bed as well. “Jimin,” he says, going to his friend, not caring if Jimin might suddenly hit him. “I didn’t sleep with Jieun.”

Jimin looks into Jeongguk’s eyes and Jeongguk looks back, determined, knowing that Jimin would see that he’s telling the truth. Jimin grabs Jeongguk’s shirt and wraps his arms around him in a hug. “I was this close to hitting you,” Jimin says, voice muffled on Jeongguk’s shoulder.

Once Jimin has calmed down, they sit side by side on the bed, backs on the wall, legs stretched out in front of them. Jimin has his arm around Jeongguk with Jeongguk snuggled to his chest. Jeongguk misses this. He’s pretty sure that he hasn’t been ignoring his best friend, the way Jieun has insinuated that he was, but they really haven’t spent as much time by themselves. Having relationships really tends to change things. Except Jeongguk is not in a relationship.

“I would never do that to Jieun,” Jeongguk says, yet again, even though he’s said it too many times by now. “I would never take advantage of her like that. Jieun is one of my best friends. She’s like a sister to me and I would never intentionally hurt her.” He sighs and Jimin tightens his arm around him. “I was just trying to comfort her,” he finishes.

“Maybe you should clear things up with her,” Jimin suggests. “She has this impression that you guys did. She was probably too drunk to remember otherwise.”

I’ve tried talking to her, Jimin,” Jeongguk says and he must sound really sad because Jimin starts to run his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair. “She shut me down. She won’t even look at me.”

Jieun has always looked out for Jeongguk, even when he specifically told her that she didn’t need to. But she did it anyway. She made sure he and Jimin didn’t forget to eat, she herded away all the girls and boys that teased them or the ones that got too close for comfort. In turn, Jeongguk has made sure that Jieun’s boyfriends got a bit of a scare before they got around to dating her. Jimin is usually too nice to be threatening, but Jeongguk made sure that if any of them hurt Jieun, they would hear from him. And some of them have. He’d punched a guy or two for breaking Jieun’s heart.

“She’ll come around, “Jimin says, sounding confident. “She always does.”

Jeongguk sighs and straightens up, stretching his arms over his head. “I think I’m going to go for a run,” he says as he stands and grabs his backpack, shoving some clothes into it. He makes sure his wallet and phone are there as well.

“Are you sure?” Jimin says, hesitant. “That was quite a fall, Jeongguk. You should probably just rest.”

Jeongguk purses his lips and nods, sighing. “I should,” he says. “I’ll just go see Taehyung then. Maybe if I show up at his place he’ll talk to me.” He shrugs. “I don’t think Taehyung will turn me away. Besides, he always knows how to cheer me up.”

“Jeongguk,” Jimin starts, pausing like he’s deciding on how he should say things, something Jeongguk doesn’t realize because he’s too busy putting his books into his backpack. Maybe he can get some studying done over at Taehyung’s too. “You do know that Taehyung isn’t really your boyfriend, right?”

Jeongguk freezes when he hears the question. “Of course I do,” he says, his throat suddenly feeling dry. “We’ve already talked about this, remember? You told me that as long as I knew what I was doing, it was fine, and I told you that I do.” He knows he sounds like he doesn’t care about this, but he does. He just doesn’t want to think about it too hard the way he knows Jimin is doing.

Jimin clasps his hands together on his lap, looking at Jeongguk with eyes wide with concern. “Sometimes I’m not sure you do anymore,” he admits. “Jeongguk, you were making out with him in Hoseok’s kitchen,” Jimin reminds him when Jeongguk shakes his head. “That’s not something you just do.”

“It was because Hoseok was there,” Jeongguk says, remembering how Taehyung had indirectly declined to kiss him again when Hoseok and Jimin left. If that isn’t a clear indication that they really aren’t boyfriends then he doesn’t know what else is. Not that Jeongguk cares. He and Taehyung have an agreement: they’re not the relationship type. Which is why this whole thing is working out so perfectly. Taking a deep breath, he mentally chides himself for running the same argument in his head over and over.

“What are you talking about?” Jimin asks, sliding towards the edge of the bed, watching Jeongguk move about the room. “Jeongguk, you don’t just make out with anyone like that for other people.”

“I told you,” Jeongguk says as he changes into his running shoes. “Taehyung and I have talked about this really well.” Except they really hadn’t. “And we both know what we want out of this,” he adds, although Jeongguk is afraid that he’s not sure of that anymore and he hates himself for it. “Besides, Taehyung isn’t really one for settling down or committing and I totally understand why that is. I mean, I don’t get why people commit to one person when it’s never going to last.”

“Sometimes, getting ahead of yourself like that is the reason why things don’t last,” Jimin interjects, although he’s not angry. He rarely gets angry with Jeongguk.

Jeongguk knows Jimin is trying to make him see reason, to which Jeongguk doesn’t need to. He already knows his stand on this, much more Taehyung’s. There is really nothing to talk about. “Yeah well, my parents didn’t think like that and look what happened anyway,” Jeongguk mutters. It’s a weak argument, he knows, but he doesn’t care. It’s one that he believes in.

“Jeongguk, I’m not trying to fight with you,” Jimin tells him, standing up and stopping Jeongguk from avoiding looking at him. He tilts his head until he’s sure Jeongguk is meeting his gaze. “I’m just looking out for you. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Jeongguk scoffs, untangling himself from Jimin’s grasp. “How am I going to get hurt from something that’s not real?” he says. “It’s not real, Jimin. Taehyung and I aren’t dating so no one is going to get hurt. That’s the whole point of it all.” He takes a deep breath when Jimin looks like he’s still not done talking, like he wants to say more. “You know what, I think I’ll go for a run anyway,” Jeongguk announces. “Better that I don’t see Taehyung since he’s a sensitive topic between us. That way I’m staying away from him. That good with you?”

“Jeongguk, you know that’s not what I mean—"

Jeongguk doesn’t stay to hear the rest of what Jimin has to say and just gets out of there. His feet are itching to get moving.










Training is harder than usual that day, what with his knee still feeling a bit sore after his accident. Jeongguk remembers that he’d taken a fall not too long ago as well. Although, that was infinitely better than the recent one because, well, Taehyung had taken care of him. Nevertheless, right now his knee is aching quite a bit so their coach is giving him a bit of a leeway and only letting him do short and slow runs, just enough to keep his rhythm and just to keep him exercising.

“What happened that day, anyway?” Joonmyun asks and it should be annoying—Jeongguk knows he would be annoyed if it were anyone else—but Joonmyun only always means well. He sounds concerned more than anything else. “You usually don’t really think much about the three kilometer run. That’s your strongest event.”

Joonmyun would know this best and Jeongguk hates knowing that he let him and the team down somehow. Jeongguk isn’t entirely sure what happened that day, as well, but he knows it wasn’t because he wasn’t prepared enough. He was. He is always prepared. He attends practices everyday. There is no reason for him to have had an off day or event, especially not a three kilometer one.

“Hey, it happens,” Joonmyun speaks up before Jeongguk can apologize. “Even when you don’t want it to or when you don’t expect it to, it does. No one is faulting you for it. You’ve only done well, Jeongguk.”

“So I’m allowed a free pass?” Jeongguk says, only half joking. He sits down on the grass, leaning back on his arms and looking up at the sky. The sky is a nice, light blue that day with white cottony clouds. It’s a nice day, but somehow Jeongguk still feels gloomy.

“No one is allowed a free pass,” Joonmyun states, shaking his head, his lips pursed. Jeongguk laughs. “But people are allowed to have problems that can be bigger and be more important than running.”

“Nothing is more important to me than running,” Jeongguk assures his team captain, dismissing the idea. Running is the only thing that’s keeping him sane, keeping him focused, and keeping him happy. There’s nothing better than running for him out there.

“What about people?” Joonmyun hedges, crossing his legs in an indian sit. “I hear relationships are one of the most important things to a person.”

“People are fickle,” Jeongguk replies, shaking his head. “They leave when they get tired. Running is running. Even if I run, it’s still there.”

“Do you leave when you get tired, Jeongguk?” Joonmyun asks him and Jeongguk still, slowly turning to look at Joonmyun. There’s an earnest expression on his face, one that shows that he just truly wants to understand Jeongguk.

“I never leave,” Jeongguk says, looking away when Joonmyun searches his eyes.

“But you never stay either,” Joonmyun responds, tone soft and gentle. Talking to Joonmyun always feels like he’s being enveloped in a warm blanket on a cold day. The cold can be biting but he knows there’s protection all around him.

Jeongguk turns to him and narrows his eyes. “What do you know?” he demands.

“I’m not sure I know anything,” Joonmyun tells him with a shrug. “But…” He hesitates, breathing deeply. “Taehyung tells me things sometimes. I just listen.”

“He does?” Jeongguk asks, surprised. He didn’t realize that Taehyung was friends with anyone on the team. Sure, he was always present during practices. But Taehyung was always on the stands. Jeongguk hasn’t really seen him talking to anyone on the team either. Joonmyun smiles at him. It’s fond and indulgent and makes Jeongguk feel like a little boy starved for affection. “What does he tell you?” he wonders.

“I can’t really say,” Joonmyun says and Jeongguk nods, looking back up at the sky.

Of course. Jeongguk shouldn’t have asked. He doesn’t have to know anything about Taehyung. He and Taehyung aren’t even really talking right now. Jeongguk decided that since Taehyung disappeared during the track meet without a word and since he hasn’t been answering his calls, that maybe it’s a good time for them to have space from each other. Jeongguk isn’t entirely sure that this is a good idea because it’s weird not having Taehyung around, even though it’s only been a few days. But after his conversation with Jimin, he thinks this is okay. It’s not like they’re going to stop talking forever. It’s just for now.

“Although,” Joonmyun continues, catching Jeongguk’s attention. “I doubt that they’re things you don’t already know.” He winks at Jeongguk before pushing himself off the ground, dusting his shorts. “Bambam and Yugyeom look like they’re dawdling,” he then says. “I’m going to go tell them off.”

“I’ll go with you,” Jeongguk says, getting ready to stand up.

“No, stay,” Joonmyun insists. “Just sit around for today.”

“But it’s practice,” Jeongguk says, frowning at the thought that he’s being told that he can’t run.

“You know what I’ve learned from being on the track team?” Joonmyun asks and Jeongguk waits. “Sometimes, it’s okay to stop running,” he tells Jeongguk with a smile before he’s jogging off towards the rest of the team.










Jeongguk runs anyway. When the rest of the team has gone home, Jeongguk laces his shoes up and takes several turns around the track. He goes at a slower, more leisurely pace so as not to aggravate his aching knee. He basically just jogs around, skipping here and there, trying his best not to do too much. He’s heard of athletes who forced themselves during injuries and ended up in much worse states. It’s not like his injury is serious. Jeongguk just doesn’t want to force it. Besides, if anything, his ego is the one that’s really bruised.

Jeongguk doesn’t know why Taehyung not being there bothers him so much, doesn’t know why it feels like he’s been left hanging, almost as if he was led on with nothing to hold on to. It’s a tad bit dramatic to feel that way, but it is how he feels and it’s annoying. He wishes it would go away. He doesn’t want to feel upset with Taehyung. Everything associated with Taehyung reminds him of something happy. Jeongguk doesn’t want that to change.

He stops and starts stretching, deciding that maybe he should stop, just like Joonmyun said. Maybe he’ll just get something to eat. There’s no food at the apartment. Cooking sounds like a good idea. Jimin won’t mind. In fact, it’s probably a good idea for Jeongguk to cook so they have something to do while they patch things up. They haven’t really been okay for the past few days. Jeongguk really didn’t mean to go off on him like he did. But things with Jieun have been making him frustrated and sad, and then there’s this weird thing with Taehyung, and Jimin just had to rub everything in his face. Jeongguk already knows he’s messed up somewhere. He already knows that there’s something here that he shouldn’t be doing. He just wants to be able to deal with it in his own pace and think about what it really is.

“I thought I’d find you here.”

Jeongguk whirls around. Taehyung is standing there wearing clothes similar to the ones he was wearing when they first met. He’s wearing all black. Jeongguk thinks his jacket is actually leather.

“Nice outfit,” Jeongguk comments, smirking a little.

Taehyung chuckles and Jeongguk breathes it in. “Yeah,” he says, tugging on a belt loop. “I was supposed to go out. But I ended up here.” He shrugs as if to say he doesn’t know how.

“I was actually just going to go to get changed,” Jeongguk says, gesturing towards the locker room. “Wait for me? Maybe we can go get some food.”

When Jeongguk comes out of the locker room, freshly showered and feeling much better, Taehyung has taken off his leather jacket and is leaning against the wall. It’s been a while since Jeongguk has seen Taehyung made up like this, his hair gelled back, kohl artfully smudged around his eyes. He’s been so used to the warm, soft, and cuddly Taehyung that he always has around, wearing a baggy pants and a shirt too big for him, hair floppy on his head and face bare except for his bright smile.

“Where were you going to go?” Jeongguk asks in lieu of announcing that he’s back.

Taehyung jumps off the wall, glancing down at his shoes before looking at Jeongguk. “Oh,” he mutters with a half shrug. “Just out with some of the seniors in our course. Some of them just wanted to do some bonding thing. I don’t know why they chose to do it in a club of all places.”

“Well that’s where you really get to know someone,” Jeongguk laughs and winks. Taehyung makes a face at him. “After a few drinks, everything is laid out in the open. And more.” He laughs some more when Taehyung snorts. “Not up for some partying?”

Taehyung sighs and shakes his head. It’s so uncharacteristic of Taehyung to be so quiet. He’s usually bouncing off walls and jumping on his feet. It’s one of the things Jeongguk likes about him. “I actually wanted to talk to you,” Taehyung says, looking at Jeongguk from where he’s been staring at the pavement. He kicks a pebble as they walk and Jeongguk feels nervous at the tone of his voice. “There’s something I want to tell you,” Taehyung adds.

“Oh sure,” Jeongguk says. “What is it?” He tries not to hold his breath because no matter what Taehyung says, he already knows it. He’s prepared himself for these kind of speeches before, having heard other people talk that way early on in his life.

Taehyung doesn’t say anything for a while, the sound of their walking quiet in the nearly deserted path on the way out of the university. But then he takes a deep breath and Jeongguk kind of braces himself. “I wanted to apologize for leaving during your meet,” he says, voice husky with uncertainty.

“It’s fine,” Jeongguk tells him, waving it off. “Jimin said you weren’t feeling well. It’s really okay. You’re feeling better, right?” He glances at Taehyung, who just stares straight ahead.

Taehyung purses his lips as if to say something else, but then he shakes his head. “I’ve just been having a hard time these days,” he admits, letting out a breath as he chuckles and shakes his head.

Jeongguk furrows his brows at the realization that he didn’t know that Taehyung is going through something. “Taehyung, you could have said something—“

“Nah,” Taehyung cuts him off. “It’s not really a big deal. It’s just probably just me. I’m just thinking too much.” He then turns to Jeongguk, a big grin on his face. Jeongguk blinks at the suddenness of it. “Want to go get some street food? I’m not really feeling sitting down at a restaurant right now.”

Jeongguk laughs and nods, feeling the tightening in his chest loosen. For some reason, he thought that this conversation was going to go differently, like maybe something will have to change. He’s relieved that’s not the case. Jeongguk doesn’t want anything between him and Taehyung to change.

After they binge on a lot of street food, Jeongguk and Taehyung end up walking around before going back to university. Jeongguk is laughing at something Taehyung is sharing about one of his classes, Taehyung gesturing all over and making the most animated of faces. They’re just about to enter campus again when they run into a group of girls, Joohyun included.

“Hey,” Joohyun greets them with a much more cheery smile than the last time they talked. She glances at Taehyung and grins at him before looking back at Jeongguk. “You guys headed back? There’s a party in some engineering major’s apartment near by. You guys want to come?”

Jeongguk already knows he doesn’t want to go, but he looks to Taehyung just in case he does. Taehyung is already shaking his head however and Joohyun chuckles.

“Figures,” Joohyun comments with a smile. “Everyone knows you’re the kind of couple who likes to stay in. I haven’t really seen you guys at a party since the last time.” She shrugs as she starts to go back to her friends. “We should hang out some time, though,” she suggests. “No hard feelings, right?”

“Right,” Jeongguk is quick to agree because he’s just so glad that Joohyun is cool with everything. He glances at Taehyung, who only has a hint of a smile on his face. “Maybe we’ll take you up on that some time,” he says.

Whatever cheerful atmosphere they had, Joohyun had taken it with her when she left with her friends. Jeongguk isn’t exactly sure what’s wrong, but it feels like Taehyung is uneasy. Taehyung keeps fiddling with the zipper of his jacket, which he’s wearing again.

“Okay, what’s the matter?” Jeongguk asks, unable to help himself.

Taehyung lets out a breath, his cheeks puffing out. He stops walking and faces Jeongguk. “I lied,” he starts and Jeongguk stares at him. “I didn’t just want to talk to you because I wanted to apologize. There’s something else I wanted to tell you.”

“Then tell me,” Jeongguk encourages him, smiling a little. Taehyung presses his lips together. “It can’t be that hard,” he teases a little and Taehyung chuckles, although it sounds broken and helpless. “Taehyung?”

Taehyung shoves his hands inside his jacket pockets and glances up at the sky before looking back at Jeongguk. “I think we should stop,” he blurts out. Jeongguk tries to breathe as normally as he can. “This,” he adds, in case Jeongguk doesn’t understand. Except Jeongguk understands all too well. “We should stop this, pretending to be together in front all of our friends and other people. We should stop.”

Jeongguk isn’t sure what he was expecting. It was something to this effect, but he didn’t expect it to actually hurt. It’s ridiculous that it hurts because it was never real. They both knew what they were getting into. It was to drive away all the unwanted attention. It was clear as day. Jeongguk supposes that now that they got that, now that they have the result that they wanted, they don’t really need to do it anymore.

“You’re right,” Jeongguk says, shifting his gym bag higher on his shoulder. He forces a smile on his face and Taehyung frowns at him. “We really didn’t talk about a break up date. I think that’s something we forgot to discuss,” he continues with a chuckle. He glances at Taehyung’s clothes and wonders something. “Any reason why you couldn’t wait to do this tomorrow? You were supposed to go out.” He gestures to Taehyung’s clothes but shrugs. “I supposes it’s better now than later. I was actually thinking of talking to you about this very thing, actually,” Jeongguk goes on, not sure why he’s saying what he’s saying.

“You were?” Taehyung asks, voice a whisper. There’s something else in his tone but Jeongguk doesn’t really want to analyze it. He doesn’t have to anymore. He shouldn’t have ever wanted to.

Jeongguk shrugs. “After the meet, I realized that this has gone on long enough. I had some time to think when we weren’t talking,” he explains and Taehyung kind of whimpers. “You know Jieun and I fought about you?” The thought of his fight with Jieun still really makes his heart ache. Maybe with this break up, things will start to get better between them. “She couldn’t understand why I was dating you because she knew I didn’t date,” he relays. “Well she’s right. I really am not one for a relationship. And so are you.”

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung starts. His eyes are wide. Jeongguk isn’t sure why he looks like he’s about to cry. He’s the one who started this after all. He’s the one who wanted this. “Nothing’s going to change, right?”

“I think…” Jeongguk says, pausing for a second to make sure that his voice won’t wobble from emotion because he’s not feeling emotional. “I think something has to, don’t you?” Jeongguk smiles and he’s starting to hate himself for acting like this is nothing. “It’s funny,” he says, chuckling a little, although he’s pretty sure it doesn’t sound happy.

“What is?” Taehyung asks and something in his eyes flash when Jeongguk looks at him.

“Not even fake relationships last,” Jeongguk answers.










Not too many things change. Jeongguk’s grades are still nothing less than stellar, he still hangs out with his friends, especially Jimin, more so now than before, and his running times keep improving. It would really take a lot to change Jeongguk’s routine and, as far as he’s concerned, nothing major has happened to do that.

“You don’t look so good,” Hoseok comments when Jeongguk stumbles into the dance studio.

Jeongguk ignores his comment and slides down to the floor, back resting on the way. He closes his eyes after he catches Hoseok’s disapproving look through the mirror on the other side of the room and leans his head back. Jeongguk’s really tired. Track practices are more tiring than usual these days, which is probably due to the fact that they have another meet coming up soon. Their coach has gotten them to do a bit more gym and stretching work to make sure there are no pulled muscles during their runs. Jeongguk has been assigned a physical therapist too, to help with his strained muscles and knee during his fall.

“You sure it’s okay for me to be here?” Jeongguk asks without opening his eyes. He would walk back to the apartment, but he really feels like he’s about to keel over. The dance studio is quite near the field so he's decided to just hang out there for a while until he feels a little less like dying.

“And what leave you to pass out in a ditch somewhere?” Hoseok scoffs.

“Don’t be dramatic,” Jeongguk retorts, letting out a light chuckle. “I’d probably just pass out on a sidewalk or a walkway. There aren’t really any ditches around campus.” His head lols to the side and he shifts a little to make himself more comfortable.

“Like that’s any better,” Hoseok returns. “Just lie down, Jeongguk. My neck is hurting just looking at you.”

“Then don’t look at me,” Jeongguk’s speech slurs. But he takes Hoseok’s advice and lies down on his side, his head pillowed on his gym bag. He’ll just sleep for a bit. Just a little bit and then he’ll leave. “Wake me up when you’re about to start practice.” He falls asleep before he hears Hoseok’s reply.

Jeongguk isn’t sure how long he sleeps on the wooden floor of the dance studio. But when he comes to, he feels the thrumming of the bass on the floor, hiphop blasting from the speakers. He keeps his eyes closed for a few more minutes before he decides that he should really get up and sleep in his own bed.

Stretching his legs, Jeongguk sits up and stifles a yawn. Looking around, he notices that the rest of the dance team are all present and in formation.

“Look who’s awake,” Jackson announces from the side, grinning at him through the mirror. The other guys turn around to look at him, similar smiles on their faces. Someone even yells a good morning. It sounds like Namjoon.

“Hey!” Jimin bounds over to him. “You okay?” He looks at Jeongguk up and down, a downturn to his lips. “You look really tired.”

“I’m fine,” Jeongguk assures him as he stands. “Hoseok told me I could crash for a bit before I went back to our place.” He turns to the other guys, opening his mouth to apologize for sleeping on their space when the words catch in his throat.

Taehyung is right there, standing near the mirror, right beside Hoseok. Jeongguk, unable to help himself, just looks at him. They really haven’t seen each other in several days now, Jeongguk strictly adhering to a new, safer routine, that allows him to not see Taehyung. Because he knows that it’s the best thing for both of them. A clean cut is always the way to go in break ups, even though what they did isn’t really a break up. Jeongguk looks anyway. Taehyung looks pretty much the same in his basketball shorts and baggy white shirt, except his hair is different. Gone is the warm, rich chocolate brown from before. Hello, flaming orange hair. Jeongguk isn’t sure how he didn’t catch him first before everyone else.

“Sorry,” Jimin says under his breath, making Jeongguk look away from Taehyung and his piercing gaze. “Hoseok didn’t tell me you were coming and I would have—“

“Stop,” Jeongguk says, waving his apology away. “It’s fine.” He hasn’t exactly told Jimin what’s going on between him and Taehyung. Jeongguk suspects that Jimin has an idea anyway. Besides, Jeongguk knows that Taehyung is friends with the dance team and hangs out during their practices sometimes. “I shouldn’t be here anyway,” he adds, knowing perfectly well that there’s always a chance for him to run into Taehyung when it comes to the dance team.

“You’re always welcome here,” Jimin insists, earnest with his wide eyes and pouting lips. Jeongguk chuckles and ruffles his hair in response.

“Sorry guys,” Jeongguk apologizes to the rest of the dancers. He avoids the way Seokjin is staring right at him, arms crossed over his chest. “I’ll get out of your hair.” They all yell their no problems as he picks up his gym bag and slings it over his shoulder. Turning to Jimin, he says, “I’ll see you back home?” When Jimin nods, he leaves the studio. He doesn’t glance at Taehyung and his orange hair as he walks out.










Jimin gets home a little after ten o’clock in the evening and by then, Jeongguk is wide awake, having slept for three hours straight. He’s sprawled in the living room, laptop open and books scattered on the table. He has Jimin’s black, non-prescription frames on, pushing it up his nose when Jimin walks in.

“I’m surprised you’re awake,” Jimin says as he pads to the living room.

“I’m nothing but awake,” Jeongguk responds, not looking up from his books. He flips through several pages until he finds what he’s looking for and starts typing on his laptop. “Thanks for letting me crash in your studio, by the way. I know that was weird, but I just needed to rest for a bit.”

“Maybe you should stop training so hard,” Jimin comments, walking to the kitchen. “Hoseok said you fell right asleep the moment you laid down. And you wouldn’t wake up when I tried to when I arrived. It doesn’t seem like it’s very healthy, tiring yourself like that.”

“Another meet is coming up,” Jeongguk says, eyes focused on his laptop screen. “I have to do better than the last one, which honestly sucked.” He has a lot of feelings involving that last competition, most of them not related to the actual run.

“That was an accident,” Jimin reminds him. He comes back to the living room with a mug of what smells like hot cocoa. He takes a seat on the sofa across from Jeongguk.

“Aren’t you going to shower?” Jeongguk asks. He glances up at Jimin when he doesn’t answer. He's staring at Jeongguk with a thoughtful expression on his face. “What?”

“You and Taehyung broke it off, didn’t you?” Jimin says, catching Jeongguk off-guard. He drinks some more of his hot cocoa before continuing. “That’s why you guys are suddenly acting like you don’t know each other.”

Jeongguk scoffs a little, just shaking his head as he goes back to his paper. “Is that what he told you?” he asks, actually curious about what Taehyung has been saying.

“That’s the thing,” Jimin kind of whines. “He’s not telling me anything, so I’m asking you.” He leans towards the table, putting his mug down on the table, on top of one of Jeongguk’s textbooks. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Jeongguk says. He’s been wondering when Jimin would start asking questions because no one has really asked so far and it’s been quite a surprise. Sometimes he sees Namjoon or Hoseok wanting to ask, but never quite getting around to it. Jeongguk is actually surprised that Seokjin hasn’t said anything yet.

“Jeongguk,” Jimin presses with a light chiding to his tone.

“We just talked, that’s all,” Jeongguk tells him, which is the truth anyway.

“About what?” Jimin questions, leaning back on the sofa. “Are you going to make me ask about every single detail? Because you know I will.” He gives Jeongguk a pointed look that clearly says that he’s not joking and that he won’t stop until Jeongguk gives him answers.

“We talked,” Jeongguk repeats, sighing as he pushes away from his laptop and leans back on the foot of the couch behind him. “About how we should stop doing this thing and I agreed because it’s the right thing to do,” he shares. “You were right,” he adds, gesturing towards Jimin, who just looks at him and listens. “He wanted to stop pretending in front of everyone and I said yes.”

“So why aren’t you talking?” Jimin wants to know. He lifts feet off the floor and shifts it under him. “Why are you guys acting like you don’t know each other?”

“I don’t know,” Jeongguk says. “It just feels weird to go back how things were when all we were was pretend.”

Now that Jeongguk thinks about it, the entire basis of their friendship was to pretend being together. That’s how they got to know each other. That’s how they got to be friends. That’s how Jeongguk ended up thinking that he likes everything about Taehyung, even his weird quirks, even his loudness, everything.

“But didn’t you tell me that you guys are friends and that no one’s going to get hurt?” Jimin points out and Jeongguk has to give him props for remembering everything. “Seems to me like there are two people hurting in this equation.”

“We’re not hurt,” Jeongguk corrects him, even though he knows that it’s not exactly true. Because Jeongguk isn’t hurting. So what if he misses Taehyung and so what if he hates that they’re not speaking to each other? That doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s hurting. “We’re just taking some space. To think things through. It’s just taking time.”

“For how long? Because you’re going to lose him, Jeongguk,” Jimin states. “If you keep on doing this, not talking to him, giving him space or whatever it is you think you’re doing, you’re going to lose him completely.” Jeongguk stares at him with wide eyes. “Do you want that?”

“I don’t know,” Jeongguk mutters, staring at his hands.

“You don’t know or you don’t?” Jimin urges. “Because there’s a big difference.”

There’s a pause where Jeongguk thinks Jimin has stopped talking. He’s feeling a bit like he’s being told off for doing the right thing. Stopping the whole ruse is the right thing to do. Jeongguk is sure of it. So why is Jimin mad at him for it? Why did Taehyung look like he was going to cry when they agreed to do it? Why does it feel like Jeongguk’s heart is being squeezed in his chest when he thinks about it? Something seems to have gone wrong along the way because Jeongguk knows it’s not supposed to feel like this. The reason why he doesn’t get into relationships because he’s not supposed to feel like he can’t contain the hurt in his heart. That’s why he didn’t get into a relationship. What he had with Taehyung wasn’t like that.

“Jeongguk,” Jimin starts, slowly, carefully, like he wants Jeongguk to listen very well and hear him out. “I think you should stop to consider what Taehyung really means to you.”

“Don’t be silly,” Jeongguk retorts even as he knows it’s a lie. “Taehyung means nothing to me. I may have thought of him as a friend, but that’s it. That’s all we were. I mean, would he have broken it off it that wasn’t the case? And he would have kissed me again when I asked.” His breath catches in his throat as the words he just said catch up to him.

“You asked to kiss him again?” Jimin asks after a short pause.

Jeongguk squeezes his eyes shut, takes off the glasses, and presses the heels of his palms on his eyes. “After you and Hoseok left, I kind of… I implied that I wanted to,” he confesses, cringing as he remembers how embarrassing it was, how awkward and vulnerable he felt. “But he said no. And I understand,” he insists, putting his hands down and opening his eyes to stare up at the ceiling. “Of course I understand. Why would we kiss without an audience?”

“But you didn’t have an audience in the first place,” Jimin points out, his brows furrowed when Jeongguk looks at him. “You guys usually don’t have an audience when you’re together anyway.”

“You guys were right there,” Jeongguk scoffs, sighing at how annoyed he feels with himself. What are these feelings? He’s not supposed to feel like he just broke up with his friend. It’s not a break up.

“No, we weren’t,” Jimin says, looking even more confused. “You were already making out when we walked in. I was really surprised because I didn’t think that you guys—“ Jeongguk lifts his head up to stare at him and something on Jimin’s face clears up. “You didn’t have an audience, Jeongguk. You guys were alone in that apartment,” he resolves.

Jeongguk looks away at this, his heart pounding in his chest. So they were alone. Taehyung kissed him without an audience. What could that have meant? It probably still doesn’t mean anything. Taehyung didn’t want to do it again when Jeongguk indirectly asked to. And Taehyung was the one who wanted to stop so it still doesn’t mean anything. Jeongguk lifts his knees up to his chin and buries his face in them. Why is he stressing over what things could have meant? It’s not supposed to matter. Jeongguk doesn’t do relationships. He doesn’t believe in them. Relationships never last because feelings, like love, never do and they destroy everything in their wake. He and Taehyung weren’t even really in one and now look what happened. Jeongguk shouldn’t be thinking about this too much. There isn’t anything to think about.

“Jeongguk, are you…” Jimin stops and hesitates. “Do you have feelings for Taehyung?”

Jeongguk doesn’t want to answer. He doesn’t even lift his head up to acknowledge the question. Because he knows the answer should be no.










It’s not that far of a walk, but Jeongguk makes it feel like he is. He takes his time, noticing every little thing that he never bothered to look at before. Like how grass is barely maintained because everyone just steps on it anyway, or how the buildings in this area look a tiny bit older because it’s one of the first campus residences built, or how there are actually a lot people milling about at this time of day, which is just a little bit after three in the afternoon. It’s not that late and it’s not too early a time for a talk, maybe even an apology, and he’s sure that Taehyung will be there. At least he hopes he will be. Jeongguk isn’t really sure what he’s going to do when he gets to Taehyung’s apartment, but it’s probably going to be along those lines. Because, right now, it really feels like they’re in a fight. After thinking about his conversation with Jimin, one thing really stuck out to him: he doesn’t want to lose Taehyung and whatever it is that they had. Jeongguk doesn’t even really know what it is that they had and he’s truly terrified to know, but he thinks it’s better to talk about it than to just keep ignoring each other like they’ve been doing.

When he gets to Taehyung's building, he takes a deep breath and goes up the stairs. He wonders if Taehyung is home and if he’s studying in his track pants and his hair tied up in that apple hair style again. Grinning, he reaches the second floor landing, turns the corner to the hallway where Taehyung’s door is and then stops.

Taehyung is standing right outside his door. With another guy, who’s a little bit shorter than Taehyung. The guy has baby pink hair that matches Taehyung’s now purple locks. Jeongguk blinks because the last time he saw Taehyung, Taehyung had orange hair. Now it’s purple. It seems like Taehyung has gone back to changing his hair color again, like before. But he doesn’t have time to dwell on that because Taehyung and that pink-haired guy is laughing at something, the guy’s hand resting on Taehyung’s waist.

Jeongguk is just about to dismiss the idea brewing in his head when the guy suddenly tilts his head up and cuts off whatever Taehyung is saying with a kiss to his cheek. Taehyung’s mouth hangs open in surprise and he looks at the guy and—Jeongguk backs away, hurries out of the building and doesn’t bother finding out what happens next.

Jeongguk runs.

Of course Taehyung is seeing someone. Because they weren’t really together. Jeongguk’s not really bothered. Why should he be? Taehyung isn’t his boyfriend. They were pretending and pretending means it’s not real, which means they are free to see other people. Which is what Taehyung is doing. Taehyung is seeing other people because he’s unattached because he doesn’t have a boyfriend. Jeongguk berates himself for feeling like this. He’s not really mad. He’s just surprised. He doesn’t care. Jeongguk doesn’t believe in relationships. He doesn’t want a relationship. He’s learned at a young age that love isn’t enough and that nothing lasts forever and that people don’t stay the same. If Taehyung wants to go through all of that, then that’s his decision. Jeongguk doesn’t care.

When Jeongguk feels like his chest is going to burst, he stops running and bends over, resting his hands on his knees. He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to let the slight dizziness he’s feeling pass. Other than that, he feels fine. He doesn’t feel anything, which is exactly why he loves running. In spite of the aching muscles and the catching of breath, he doesn’t feel pain. In fact, he even feels happier.

After a few moments, he straightens up and blinks as he looks around. He walks around for a bit, wondering what he’s doing there. He just kept on running that he didn’t even really know where he was going. Now, he’s at a KTX terminal. What the hell is he doing there? He turns to go back where he came from, back to school, and back to… But he can’t. Jeongguk doesn’t want to go back. Right now, there is nothing that Jeongguk wants from where he just came from. He turns right back around, walks to the ticketing booth, and, in a fit of cowardly spontaneity, buys a one-way ticket.










He gets several missed calls and receives bundle of messages that keep coming in. There are a few from Hoseok, Namjoon, and Seokjin. But most of them are from Jimin and, surprisingly, from Jieun. Instead of reading and answering them, Jeongguk pockets his phone and stands outside the house that he hasn’t been to in three years. He misses it, he realizes. A lot has probably changed inside. His room must be a storage room of some sort now. There are things there that he’s been wanting to take to university with him but just hasn’t had the chance to get, like some of his action figures and one of his childhood blankets that he used sleep with all the time. Jeongguk even had a hard time sleeping without it for a while when he started sleeping at the apartment. He wonders if they did any renovations, if they’ve replace that dingy sofa in the living room that looked like it was going to collapse if more than two people sat on it. He thinks about his mother and hopes that she doesn’t feeling too lonely in a house by herself. Jeongguk told himself that he’s not going to feel sorry for a decision that he thought was best for him. But looking back now… how could he have thought of himself alone?

“Can I help you?” A pretty lady stands behind the small, rickety gate, holding on to one of the bars and peering at him. She has long, wavy black hair, big eyes, and an even bigger smile.

Jeongguk stumbles back and looks up at the house. “Uh, sorry,” he says, blinking. “I might have the wrong house.” He takes a few more steps back and looks up and down the road. He’s pretty sure this is their house, but he doesn’t recognize this woman. His mother could have very well moved and Jeongguk just didn’t know it.

“Which household are you looking for?” she asks with a welcoming smile. “Maybe I can help you. I mean, I haven’t lived here for very long but I think I know everyone living on this street.” She smiles at him again and Jeongguk finds himself smiling back even though he’s panicking inside.

“The Jeons, actually,” Jeongguk tells him, glancing at the other house. “I was pretty sure this is their house, but I’ve been away for a few years so they could have moved away.” The thought that his mother moved without telling him makes him feel like he’s been left behind. Although he supposes he deserves it. Jeongguk left first.

“Are you…? Jeongguk?” the lady asks as she looks closely at him. Jeongguk gapes at her, wondering how she could know who he is. He’s sure that he hasn’t seen her before. She half laughs, half screams, hand covering her mouth. “Jeongguk!” she repeats. “Junghyun’s brother.”

“Yes,” Jeongguk responds, looking at her again just to make sure that he hasn’t seen her somewhere. “Do you know him? Do you know where they moved?”

“I’m Miyoung, Junghyun’s wife,” she responds with such a pretty eye smile that Jeongguk has a hard time not chuckling. Of course Jeongguk doesn’t know what his brother’s wife looks like. He skipped the wedding as well because he really has been a brat. Miyoung opens the gate and ushers him in. “He’s been telling me all about you,” she adds with another grin. “Come in.”

Jeongguk walks into the house, holding his breath. Nothing has changed. The curtains are still the yellow ones that were hanging the last time he was there. Now they’re faded, but looks like they’ve been recently washed. The couch is the still the exact same one, only covered with a cloth on the seat for the holes. Jeongguk chuckles and moves to follow Miyoung further into the house, where the dining table is. He stands in the middle of the quaint abode and takes a deep breath. It almost feels like it hasn’t been three years.

“Junghyun is at work,” Miyoung tells him, moving around in the kitchen, taking some bowls and plates out. “He works at one of the hospitals downtown. He’ll be home soon.” There’s something that smells good. Jeongguk misses home-cooked meals. He misses his mother’s cooking and he hopes that his stomach’s grumbling isn’t too loud.

“What about my mom?” Jeongguk asks, looking around. There doesn’t seem to be anyone else home, aside from Miyoung.

“She goes to church at six,” Miyoung says with a fond smile. She goes to the dining table and starts setting the table. Jeongguk notices that she automatically sets the table for four people. “She’s probably on her way back by now. Please sit, Jeongguk,” she says, pulling one of the chairs from the dining table out. “You’re just in time for dinner. We’ll start once everyone gets home.”

Miyoung is so nice and so sweet and so pretty. Junghyun is a good-looking guy himself so it’s not a surprise that he landed himself such an amazing girl. There’s a tinge of regret that he feels once Miyoung starts telling him all about what’s been happening, how his mother has been helping out more and more at the church and how his brother’s practice has been doing really well. She goes on to tell him about the church events and fundraisers that his mother has been handling in partnership with the hospital his brother works at, and Jeongguk feels guilty for having missed so much.

“So they’re doing well? You’re all doing well? You’re all healthy?” Jeongguk immediately corrects himself. He may not know Miyoung, but he doesn’t want to be rude on their first meeting.

Miyoung smiles at him. “We’re doing pretty well,” she assures him. Jeongguk nods, leaning back on his seat. That’s all he really wants to hear. Even if he wasn’t around to witness anything, at least they’re all fine. She leans back on the counter and just looks at Jeongguk with a smile. It should be weird, but it isn’t coming from her. She almost looks like she’s really happy to see him even if they have never met before. “It’s so nice that you’re here, Jeongguk,” she says. “Junghyun has told me so much about you.”

Jeongguk raises his eyebrows. “Really? I have to say I’m surprised. We’re not really close,” he admits, frowning a little. He and his brother haven’t really been talking. If he talks to his mother rarely, he talks to Junghyun even less.

Miyoung laughs. “He did tell me you’re way too frank sometimes,” she confirms. “But he really does talk about you a lot, especially when you have your track meets.” She tucks her hair behind her ears.

“He knows that I run?” Jeongguk asks, straightening up a little in his seat, a wee bit shocked. “In university?” He used to run in high school but he didn’t even really tell his mother that he joined the track team in university.

She pauses, pressing her lips together as if deciding whether to answer his unasked question. “Well, he and Jimin talk pretty often,” Miyoung shares. “Jimin always tells him what’s going on with you.” Jeongguk stills at this. “He’s very proud of you.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Jeongguk finally says, tracing the checkered patterns of the tablecloth with his fingertips.

Miyoung goes back to preparing food in the kitchen, making sure that everything is still warm and freshly cooked by the time everyone comes home. Jeongguk talks a little bit about his classes and his track career, answering questions that Miyoung has. She keeps telling him that he sounds like he’s having a lot of fun, that Jeongguk must do really well in school and that he has a lot of medals.

“I’m sorry I didn’t go to your wedding,” Jeongguk exclaims when Miyoung turns her back on his once more to tend to the food and he can’t contain it anymore. Anything to ease the guilt that’s been building up ever since he arrived.

Miyoung turns to him and just smiles. “It was a small affair,” she shares, looking wistful. “Only our families and a few of our friends were present. Your brother and I figured we didn’t really need too many people there, just the important ones.” Jeongguk’s heart squeezes in his chest. “It was very lovely, everything I’ve ever wanted in a wedding,” she gushes.

“I’m glad,” Jeongguk says, hoping he doesn’t sound strangled. “It’s been two years, right?”

“We just celebrated our second anniversary last month,” Miyoung confirms. “We went out to the sea and had dinner by the shore with candlelights and everything.”

Their marriage seems so perfect with the way Miyoung sounds completely smitten and in love with his brother. It amazes Jeongguk how there doesn’t seem to be an ounce for fear in her on the relationship. It’s almost like she’s very sure and confident with her choice and that nothing is going to go wrong. Jeongguk doesn’t understand.

“You guys seem very happy,” Jeongguk remarks. Miyoung nods, a big smile on her face. “Not to be rude, but… aren’t you afraid that maybe things won’t always be this happy and perfect?”

“All the time. Things are far from perfect,” Miyoung shares with a laugh. “We aren’t always happy with each other either. Especially when your brother forgets things he needs for work here and home and I have to go all the way to downtown to bring it to him.” She makes a face but shrugs afterwards. “But we learn to accept and compromise and communicate. That’s just how it is in relationships.”

Jeongguk has heard all of this before. Relationships are all about communication and compromise; love is a decision and all that crap. It just doesn’t seem true and they don’t seem to work anyway. It still doesn’t make any sense to Jeongguk why people think relationships are worth it.

“You know,” Miyoung speaks up again when she’s taken a seat across Jeongguk. “The wedding almost never happened.”

Jeongguk’s gaze flies to her. “What?”

“I got really cold feet,” Miyoung admits, looking sheepish. “Junghyun and I talked about it and almost decided we won’t get married, that we’d just live together. Because what if marriage screwed things up? What if it didn’t work out? What if we end up hating each other?” She chuckles and shakes her head as if remembering how ridiculous it was. “But then your brother said, ‘so what?’ He said he would rather have tried and found out what the future had in store for us, than regret not having done anything about it. He said that he’s not going to allow fear to dictate what he wants for his life when it’s clear to him that he wants me to be in it.”

Miyoung’s eyes are watery when she finishes and she grins at him. Jeongguk feels a surge of pride for his brother, for everything that he did and said to keep Miyoung by his side and love her the way she deserved to be. It’s still confusing to him, but maybe Jeongguk kind of understands what Miyoung was saying. Maybe it’s not relationships that are worth it. It’s the people, the person you want to be in a relationship with that is.

Jeongguk steps out of the house to get some air. There is so much going on in his head that he needs to be alone to kind of process it all. That, and he doesn’t want Miyoung to be there in case he has some sort of breakdown from overthinking. They’ve only just met and she’s so kind, that he wants her to think of him in a positive way. Jeongguk wants him to like her because, whether or not they know each other well, they are family now.

He breathes the cool night air and wraps his arms around himself. What if Jeongguk made a mistake by avoiding Taehyung? Sure, they were ending their relationship, but they are friends. It’s the reason why they got into it in the first place, because they trusted each other enough to not screw things up in the end. Jeongguk thought he could do it. He thought he could keep at it. He thought he could keep receiving affection and giving it away without any consequences. Now he’s stuck in the very same dilemma similar people have gone through and he’s drowning in something he acknowledges now as feelings.

Jeongguk is pretty sure now that he does have feelings for Taehyung. Why else would he want Taehyung by his side all the time? Why else does he look for Taehyung whenever he needed someone to cheer him up? Why else would Jeongguk want to kiss Taehyung again? Why else would it hurt so much now that he knows Taehyung is seeing someone? Taehyung has been by his side throughout this whole thing, supporting him and holding his hand, literally and figuratively. Jeongguk doesn’t know who else would have done such a thing for him. He wasn’t the only one who had to sacrifice and pretend; Taehyung did too. And while Jeongguk has been making this all about him this entire time, it’s probably about time that he considers how Taehyung feels. Sure it was Taehyung’s idea, but that doesn’t mean that Jeongguk can blame this all on him. Jeongguk barely did anything to stop things from getting out of hand. If anything, Jeongguk kind of hoped that things could stay that way for a while. Which really isn’t fair to Taehyung.

So it really is the right decision to end things. But Jeongguk probably shouldn’t have treated Taehyung like he doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. Because, if Jeongguk was being completely honest with himself, he wants everything to do with Taehyung.

Jeongguk is so screwed. Because it’s too late. He’s too late because he’s stupid with his fear of getting hurt, fear of nothing lasting forever, fear of being left behind. He hates that something that’s happened so long ago still affects him as much as he does now. Jeongguk has allowed it to distort a lot of his decision-making and has made him ruin a friendship and a relationship with a person that he now realizes he cares so much about.

“Fucking hell,” he mutters to himself, burying his face in his hands.

“Jeongguk?”

Jeongguk puts his hands down and barely has time to look who it is, although he already knows, when he’s ensconced in a tight hug. His arms stick to his sides as Junghyun squeezes him tightly, his cheek resting on Jeongguk’s hair.

“Hi,” Jeongguk greets him, a bit uncertainly, when Junghyun pulls away to get a good look at him. Junghyun is so much taller than Jeongguk remembers. His black hair is also longer, bangs almost covering his eyes. “Are you sure you’re supposed to have hair that long? You look like an idol.” He’s sure that’s not how he’s supposed to greet his brother whom he hasn’t seen in too long, but Jeongguk can’t help himself.

Junghyun laughs and hugs him again. “It looks good, though, right? All the patients say so. I’m one of the handsome and cool doctors at the hospital,” he says when he pulls away again, giving Jeongguk a wink.

“Right,” Jeongguk scoffs, rolling his eyes. Of course his brother is still full of himself. He smiles at his brother anyway because he looks healthy and happy. “You look good.”

“So do you,” Junghyun says, putting an arm around his shoulders. “What are you doing out here? Dinner’s probably ready by now.”

“Just thinking,” Jeongguk says, shrugging. “I met your wife.” He grins this time as he elbows his brother. It’s interesting how they don’t feel awkward around each other. Years of not seeing each other, yet it almost feels like they just saw each other yesterday. “How did you manage to get so lucky?”

Junghyun laughs, a real, full one, that has him tilting his head back. It’s nice to see. Jeongguk doesn’t remember his brother laughing like this, even before. “I don’t know either,” he admits. “Even I am amazed.” He shakes his head, still grinning. “Is mom home yet?”

“Not yet,” Jeongguk says, shaking his head. “You should go inside and greet your wife.” He chuckles when Junghyun beams like an excited kid. “Seems like she made something really delicious for dinner,” he adds.

“She’s an amazing cook.” He winks at him. “Come inside soon, okay?” Junghyun says, giving him another quick hug before going back inside.

The moment his brother goes back inside, Jeongguk’s phone starts vibrating in his pocket. He takes it out and stares at the screen. Taehyung is calling him. Jeongguk’s thumb hovers over the answer button before he puts it to the side of the phone and waits for the call to be over. When the call ends up being a missed call, he unlocks his phone and types a message to Jimin. Jeongguk just tells him that he’s fine and not to worry. Jimin reply is swift.

You bastard. You have us all worried. Where the hell are you?

Jeongguk looks up at the sky and breathes deeply. “I’m home,” he whispers.










Jeongguk gets up early despite having slept past midnight. It’s been so long since he slept in his own bed that he could barely sleep at all. He was even surprised that it was still there, sheets clean and changed, which, he finds out from Miyoung, that Jeongguk’s mother still changes. His mother even still cleans his room regularly. Just like how they always set four places at the table just in case Jeongguk comes home. Which is another reason why he couldn’t sleep. He was too busy crying and drowning in guilt to do so. Jeongguk hopes his eyes aren’t too swollen.

He finds his old pair of running shoes under his bed and puts it on. It’s a little bit small for him but it will do the job. The house is quiet when Jeongguk comes out of his room. Everyone is probably going to be up in a minute or two, knowing that Junghyun leaves for the hospital early and that his mother is a natural early riser, so he hurries out of the house before anyone can catch him.

The air feels so different over here. Somehow it smells fresher, cooler, and feels more freeing. Jeongguk jogs past neighbor’s houses, homes he’d played in when he was a kid, and smiles a little as he remembers how friendly he had been when he was younger, how so much happier he was. He passes rows and rows of trees than thin as he goes further. Eventually, he reaches the beach.

Jeongguk stops just as the sand touches his shoes. Without thinking about it, he takes his shoes and socks off and walks barefoot on the sand. He curls and uncurls his toes with each step towards the water, a certain sense of anticipation building in him. It’s been so long since he’s been to the beach. Yoongi keeps on saying that they should all go to the beach during one of their holidays but plans never pull through. It would be nice if they were all here. They would love it. Taehyung would love it.

Sighing, he puts his shoes down and plops down on the sand. He has got to stop remembering Taehyung in every single thing that he sees. It’s probably not healthy to be pining for someone he kind of had (but really didn’t) and now has lost. Jeongguk wonders why Taehyung was calling him. Jimin must have called each and every one of their friends to make sure Jeongguk hasn’t contacted them and told them where he went. Jeongguk shakes his head, smiling a little. Jimin has always looked out for him and no matter how Jeongguk messes up, Jimin is there every time, helping him clean up. Jeongguk should buy him a souvenir before he goes home this afternoon.

“You should have waited for me.” His mother sits down on the sand beside him. “Then again, you always liked to run alone.”

“Mom,” Jeongguk startles, glancing behind them to find that she’s alone. “Did you walk here by yourself?” He unzips his jacket and places it around his mom’s shoulders, hoping it doesn’t smell from his sweat.

“I walk to the beach every morning,” she assures him, patting his arm in affection and thanks.

“If you’re sure,” Jeongguk says as they fall into comfortable silence, just sitting beside each other, waiting for the sun to rise. It was a good thing he and his mother have kind of patched things up when she came to visit. He isn’t sure how he would act if that isn’t the case.

“I’m so glad you came home,” his mother speaks up and Jeongguk sighs, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and bringing her close. “I was so sure you would eventually.” She smiles at him, eyes glassy. “I was right.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” Jeongguk whispers in his mother’s hair, pressing a kiss.

“I understand why you’ve been running away, Jeongguk,” she assures him. “I’ve always understood. I’m so sorry that I haven’t done enough to stop you from doing so and make you come back."

Jeongguk shakes his head, squeezing his mother lightly. “Mom, this isn’t your fault,” he insists. “It’s mine, so please don’t apologize.” He shuts his eyes and makes a promise to himself to come home more often, as often as he can manage with his schedule. It’s the least he can do after making his family suffer for his brattiness. “I’m going to come home more often,” he voices it out.

“That would be nice,” she says, chuckling. “Bring Jimin and Jieun too. And that boy…what’s his name? Taehyung?”

Jeongguk stiffens, his arm dropping away from his mother’s shoulders. “How do you know about Taehyung?”

“Jimin told me about him,” his mother replies and Jeongguk kind of wishes Jimin is there so that he can kick him. “He didn’t really tell me much, but I just knew he was special. There was something about the way Jimin talked about you and him.” She looks at Jeongguk. “So am I right?” she asks, smiling at him widely. “Is he special?”

“He’s a good friend,” Jeongguk manages to say. He wraps his arm around his legs, his knees touching his chin.

The sun’s rays are starting to peek over the horizon, the sky turning a light purplish blue. It’s beautiful and peaceful. He wishes everything was like this, beautiful and peaceful. And easy. Right now, things are none of that. But, at the very least, he’s glad that his relationship with his family is improving. At least he has that.

“Oh, Jeongguk,” his mother remarks, reaching out to squeeze his forearm. He looks at her and thinks about how beautiful his mother still is in spite of the lines and years on her face. She still looks radiant and happy, he realizes belatedly. “What happened between your father and I—"

“What are you saying?” Jeongguk cuts her off, shifting away a little. “Why are you suddenly talking about that?” This is one of the reasons why he doesn’t want to come home. There is nothing about his parents’ relationship that he wants to discuss. “We’re going to have to talk about it eventually, Jeongguk. So you can be at peace with it. So you won’t be so afraid to come back here.” She links her arm with his and shakes it a little. “Not everything is going to end badly.”

Jeongguk sighs, giving in. “I know that,” he responds, still looking out at the horizon. The sky is much lighter now, much brighter.

“But do you believe it?” his mother wants to know. Jeongguk presses his lips together and doesn’t say anything. “My little boy,” she sighs. “Our story doesn’t have to be yours.” She pauses and shakes her head. “In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s not going to be,” she corrects herself.

“How—how can you be so sure?” Jeongguk stammers, cursing himself inwardly. “You and dad loved each other very much. He looked at you like you hung the moon and starts and look what happened.” He bends his head forward and rest his forehead on his knees.

“Love stories aren’t perfect, Jeongguk,” his mother states, nudging him so he would look at her. “There isn’t any story that is. Ours wasn’t any different. But we loved each other and we worked at it everyday as much as we could, because the reality is relationships take work. I’m not perfect and neither is your father.” She pauses and looks at him as if searching his face for something before she smiles. “I would do it all over again if I could.”

“You would?” Jeongguk asks, feeling like his breath is caught in his throat. “Why?”

She smiles at him. “Your father leaving doesn’t change the fact that he’s the great love of my life,” she tells him.

Her eyes are sparkling just like the way Jeongguk remembers they would whenever she would look at his father. This just confirms what he’s learned from Jimin and from Miyoung. Relationships don’t always last. So what? Jeongguk takes a deep breath. Because that’s a lot to take. It’s terrifying.

“Do you see Taehyung as someone who hangs the moon and the stars?” From her tone, it’s almost like she already knows the answer. But she’s wrong.

Taehyung doesn’t hang the moon and the stars. Far from it. Because Taehyung is the sun, and Jeongguk is the sunflower that looks towards him.










The first thing Jeongguk does when he returns to the city is call Jimin. He gets a bit of a scolding, with Jimin talking for about five minutes straight without letting Jeongguk get a word in. It’s understandable and Jeongguk hates that he made Jimin worry. He really doesn’t like it when he makes people worry about him. Jeongguk should just really stop being stupid, that way everyone will just stop fussing.

“I bought you a souvenir,” Jeongguk says once Jimin finally takes a breath.

“If it’s another lighthouse figurine…” Jimin trails away, somewhat threateningly. “I think I have at least five of those and three are probably from you. In fact, that’s all you’ve given me on my last three birthdays. We’re practically neighbours back home, you know. I know where you buy these things.”

Jeongguk chuckles. “Not last year,” he corrects his best friend. “I gave you those river cruise tickets so you can snuggle with your Yoongi under the flash of lights.” He makes a face in disgust in spite of Jimin not seeing his face. “Besides,” he goes on, his voice turning a little bit serious. “I’ve been trying to drive home a point with those lighthouse figurines. I just don’t want you to forget.” Because, honestly, Jeongguk really doesn’t know where he would be if he didn’t have Jimin.

Jimin sighs. Jeongguk can imagine him shaking his head. “Just because you pull out this card every time you screw up, doesn’t mean that we’re done talking about this,” he tells him, sounding softer and gentler.

“It’s not a card, though,” Jeongguk responds, biting his lower lip. He feels a little awkward, telling Jimin how important he is to him and how grateful he is like this, but he has to. Because he doesn’t want Jimin to think that he’s taking him for granted.

“Yeah yeah,” Jimin huffs, pretending like they’re not having a moment. “I hope you bought Jieun one too because she’s not happy with you either,” he then says. “Although, I suspect she’s less mad than I am.”

“I bought her the snow globe one,” Jeongguk says, looking down at the paper bag that he’s holding. “Do you want that instead?”

“You better be at Hoseok’s tonight,” Jimin says, instead of responding to Jeongguk’s teasing. “I’m going to get the guys to strangle you one by one in your sleep if you don’t.”

“Ooh sounds kinky,” Jeongguk teases. “But yes,” he adds before Jimin can get even more irritated. “I’ll be there. I promise.” He glances up at the signage of the coffee shop he just arrived at and peers in through the windows. “I’ll see you later.”

The scent of coffee wafts through him as Jeongguk walks into the cafe. He runs his hand through his hair, pats it back down before ruffling it again, as he looks around for Jieun. He’s not exactly sure what he’s expecting now that he's asked to meet up with her, even though he knows that it’s something he should do. There’s a lot between them that’s unsaid that’s just causing this whole misunderstanding to grow even more. Jeongguk doesn’t want it to get to point of no return. Jieun is one of the best people in his life and he needs her in it, so he’s going to try to keep her.

Jeongguk weaves his way through the tables to go to stand by the counter for a better view of the place when he sees Jieun sitting on one of the tables by the corner. As expected, she’s already there. She’s never late, especially since Jeongguk has pulled an inadvertent disappearing act on them. She looks up at the exact same time that he spots her and she grins at Jeongguk, much to his relief.

Jieun practically assaults him when he gets to their table. She slaps his arm before launching onto him and hugging him really tight. “You jerk,” she tells Jeongguk, her voice muffled through his shoulder. “I’ve been so worried about you.” Jeongguk tightens his hold on her and presses a kiss to the crown of her head, feeling very relieved that he gets to do this again, that he gets to do this still. “I can’t believe you just hopped on a train and went home without telling anyone about it,” she goes on, slapping his arm again when she pulls away.

“It was an impulsive decision, I know,” Jeongguk says, apologetic, as they sit across each other. “But it made sense to do it.” Jieun nods with a smile on her face. Jeongguk feels like he hasn’t seen her smile at him, or even so much as just look at him, for so long that he just wants to make things right with her. “Listen, I know you really hate me right now,” he says, jumping right to it. “But I wanted to talk to you and apologize again for whatever—"

“Jeongguk, stop,” Jieun hurries, putting her hands up. “I should be the one apologizing to you.” She shakes her head when Jeongguk tries to interrupt her. “For several things. I…” She takes a deep breath and smiles, as if she’s chiding herself. There’s a pink to her cheeks and Jeongguk already knows what she’s referring to. “I misunderstood what happened between us. I thought that we…” she trails away, chuckling a little and running her fingers through her hair. “I thought wrong and it confused me and…”

“It’s perfectly okay,” Jeongguk rushes to pacify her. He tries to reach for her hand across the table but she pulls it away from his touch.

“I’ve been crazy in love with you for a while now, Jeongguk,” Jieun confesses, giving him a helpless smile. Jeongguk’s hand stills on the table before he pulls it back to his lap. “I never said anything because you’re you,” she continues, laughing a little. “You hate relationships, you hate being tied down, and you hate being in love. But after that, when I thought we did something…” She covers her eyes with her hand for a second before dropping them and shaking her head. “I thought, maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance there somewhere, that maybe you could feel something for me too. Because I know you. I don’t think you would have slept with me if it didn’t mean anything. I just figured I was that important to you.”

“You are,” Jeongguk says, his voice sounding raspy from the surprise. “That’s why I didn’t—"

“I know,” Jieun cuts him off with a smile. It’s surprisingly grateful. “Jimin and I talked and… I understand what you did and… I appreciate it. I think I wouldn’t be able to handle it if something really did happen and you ended up in love with someone else.” She chuckles. “Which is the case, isn’t it?” she says, part sad, part teasing. Jieun’s gaze on him makes Jeongguk want to look away, but he doesn’t. “When I heard that rumour about you being on a date, I thought that made me have a bigger chance with you. But then you announced that you were with Taehyung.” This time, she reaches for Jeongguk’s hand and squeezes it. “I was so mad, Jeongguk. I was so hurt and upset that you didn’t like me. I know now that I was stupid and selfish.”

“Jieun,” Jeongguk speaks up, not really sure what he should say. What can he say to his best friend of many years, one who has been in love with him without him realizing it? He would apologize but he knows Jieun would hate that. There is nothing he should be apologizing for and they both know it. So he just squeezes her hand back and she smiles at him, eyes a little glassy with unshed tears. “Taehyung and I—“

“I know the truth, Jeongguk,” Jieun tells him, chuckling a little. “Jimin told me and I know you wouldn’t have let me know otherwise—"

“I wanted to tell you,” Jeongguk assures her. “But we got into that fight and I just didn’t get the chance to. I’m sorry.”

Jieun smiles at him and he finally sees the Jieun that he grew up with, the one who is patient with him, the one who looks after him and listens to him, and Jeongguk knows that they’re okay. “You should really talk to him, Guk,” she says.

“What?” he asks, a little bit surprised to hear that coming from her.

Jieun lets go of Jeongguk’s hand and clasps her hands together on her lap. “I said some things to him,” she admits, leaning back a little on her seat when Jeongguk’s gaze on her sharpens. “They weren’t very nice and…” She sighs, biting her lip. “I’m really sorry that I meddled.”

Jeongguk closes his eyes for a few seconds, if only to allow himself not to feel upset over something that’s already been done. He knew there had to be a reason for Taehyung to start acting the way he did. He just didn’t realize that it would be triggered by one of his best friends. When he opens his eyes, Jieun is looking at him, lips downturned, eyes sad and Jeongguk decides to just not say anything.

“Do you know how he’s doing?” Jeongguk asks instead because it would be nice to hear how Taehyung is. Maybe she knows.

“Jimin just said that he hasn’t talked to Taehyung,” Jieun answers with a shrug. “I think they see each other but Taehyung doesn’t really tell him anything or talk to him. But then again, Jimin said that Taehyung hasn’t been attending dance practices.” Taehyung’s probably been busy with that guy, Jeongguk can’t help but think. It makes Jeongguk’s heart clench with regret. “I think you should really talk to him, Jeongguk. No matter what’s happened, you owe each other a conversation.”










Run like hell and get the agony over with. Once upon a time, not too long ago, Jeongguk believed in that. He believed it so much that he didn’t even care about anything he left behind. What mattered to him was that he kept his heart in tact and made sure that it was always in one piece. Now, Jeongguk feels like he’s been doing a lot more slowing down and letting people and things catch up to him. He’s even turned back a lot and faced the wreckage he usually leaves behind. After everything else, he’s learned that running alone is lonely. It never really bothered him before. But now that he’s known what it feels like otherwise, it’s even lonelier going back to how it was before.

“The prodigal son has returned!” Hoseok announces the moment he steps into the apartment.

Jeongguk is hounded by his friends. Hoseok and Namjoon give him loud slaps on his back and arms, almost like revenge for letting them worry. Meanwhile, his older friends, Seokjin and Yoongi kind of glare at him for a bit before Seokjin sighs and hugs him, while Yoongi ruffles his hair. Through all of it, Jeongguk wonders how he had ever thought that only Jimin and Jieun were all that mattered to him.

“Good to see you again, kid,” Yoongi drawls like he’s in some western cowboy film. “If Jimin wouldn’t hate me for it, I would have punched you by now. You know, for making him worried sick.”

“I wouldn’t have minded,” Jimin says, pushing through everyone else and pulling Hoseok away from Jeongguk. “Come here, asshole,” he grumbles, pulling Jeongguk and hugging him. He stands on his tiptoes just so he can be the one cradling Jeongguk’s head and not the other way around. “If you disappear like that again, I don’t care if you buy me a dozen more lighthouse figurines, I’m going to kick your ass.”

They hug for a little bit more, which Jeongguk doesn’t really mind because he hasn’t hugged Jimin since they were in high school, he thinks. Jimin may be affectionate and touchy, but Jeongguk isn’t and Jimin knows that. Jimin’s put up with so much from Jeongguk that he thinks it’s time he give a little, maybe a lot more, back to him.

“Okay, this is getting weird,” Namjoon speaks up. “Do you guys need a room?”

“I’m right here,” Yoongi adds, sounding disgruntled.

Jeongguk pulls away and just grins at Jimin, who shoves him off. He turns to his friends and grins at all of them. “Well this has been fun and all, but I think I’m gonna go,” he announces. He moves towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Seokjin asks, eyebrow raised. “You practically just got back.” Jeongguk thinks he exchanges a look with Jimin, but ignores it.

“Back to the apartment,” Jeongguk lies. Taehyung should be back in his own apartment, probably studying or watching Haikyuu!! if he hasn’t finished it yet. He could be doing something else entirely or be out, but Jeongguk thinks he should check anyway. “I’m going to, uh, rest. It’s been a long trip back and I’m really tired. So, uh, bye!”

“Jeongguk—“

Jeongguk turns around and he hiccups in surprise. Taehyung is standing right there in khaki pants and a black long-sleeved shirt, hair brown, except a bit lighter, and an equally surprised look on his face.

“Taehyung,” Jeongguk exclaims the same time that Taehyung blurts out, “You’re back.”

“Oh would you look at the time,” Namjoon says, glancing down at his non-existent wristwatch and making a show of looking like he’s late for something. He grabs the nearest person next to him, who happens to be Yoongi and grabs him towards the door. Jimin rushes after them because his boyfriend is being dragged away, but not before shooting Jeongguk a wink.

Seokjin just gives them a smile, although he pats Taehyung’s shoulder before he follows the rest out of the door. Hoseok, meanwhile, stares them both down with a very serious expression on his face.

“Okay, I know you guys know how to make curry and love doing it,” Hoseok stares and Jeongguk turns red, while Taehyung coughs. “But please, please don’t spill anything. Anywhere. I mean it. I’m offering my apartment for peacekeeping out of the goodness of my heart but—"

“Hoseok, will you shut up and leave them alone?” Seokjin yells from the hallway.

“I mean it!” Hoseok calls even as he rushes out the door.

The door clicks shut and Jeongguk and Taehyung are alone. Taehyung looks nice. If this were a drama and they were the leads, Jeongguk would think that Taehyung would look just as bad as he feels, because of heartbreak and lack of sleep. But Taehyung isn’t heartbroken and this isn’t a drama. This is Jeongguk’s life, where he keep on learning how to live a life where falling in love and living happily ever after doesn’t seem to be in the cards for him.

“They’re not subtle at all,” Taehyung comments, chuckling a little. Jeongguk appreciates him trying to make the mood a little less awkward.

“When have they been subtle?” Jeongguk comments, forcing a smile on his face.

They fall back into silence. Jeongguk doesn’t really know where to begin. He knows he should start the conversation. He’s the one who has a lot of things to say, a lot of things to admit to and confess. His objective is to only let Taehyung hear it and then they can go their separate ways. At the very least, Jeongguk can follow Joonmyun’s advice on this. He’s going to stop running and admit to his feelings for once. And then he’ll run. Because he doesn’t really want to feel the embarrassment and pain that comes from unrequited affections.

“So… your disappearing act,” Taehyung starts, chuckling once more. He’s twisting the hem of his shirt. Jeongguk notices that the Band-Aid on Taehyung’s finger is gone. Of course it would be. It’s been a while since then. “You had everyone worried.”

“Were you worried?” Jeongguk asks before he can stop himself. He sucks his lower lip in between his teeth.

Taehyung’s smile falters but he shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Of course, you idiot,” he answers. “If any one of my friends disappeared without a word, I would worry. I have to tell you, though,” he babbles on. “Jimin and Jieun weren’t doing so well. It was a good thing your brother called Jimin so they finally managed to calm down.”

“My brother called Jimin?” Jeongguk asks, surprised. He wonders when that happened. Maybe Miyoung messaged Junghyun, who in turn, let Jimin know. Taehyung just nods. “How—“ Jeongguk cuts himself off, taking a deep breath. Taehyung tilts his head, waiting for him to continue. “How are you?” he asks. “We haven’t really… I mean I know it’s my fault, but—what have you been up to? I heard you haven’t been dancing with the team as much.”

Taehyung smiles but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Why keep on dancing with them when I can’t commit anyway?” is all he says.

Jeongguk swallows because that is the Taehyung who came up with the idea of pretending to be together because they both didn’t like relationships, because they’ve both been hurt and don’t want to get hurt. That’s the Taehyung who thinks that romance is overrated, who doesn’t want to expect anything from people because expectation just leads to heartbreak. But Jeongguk is pretty sure that’s not who Taehyung is now. At least, he hopes he isn’t.

“Taehyung,” Jeongguk starts. He looks around the empty apartment and wonders how he can even begin to say what he wants to say without cutting himself off and deciding to just run away instead. The latter option seems so much more appealing and he’s so good at it too.

“What is it?” Taehyung asks, moving a little to catch Jeongguk’s gaze.

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk just goes for it. “For not talking to you. For taking what you said the wrong way. Of course you would want to stop pretending to be together in front of our friends. The whole thing was just absurd and stupid for us to have carried it on for so long.” He pauses, sucking on his lower lip before pressing his lips together. “That wasn’t an excuse for me to be childish and stop being your friend. I mean, of course you would have to stop pretending to date me so you could actually date. And I should have just understood that and agreed and then stayed being your friend.”

“I’m a bit confused,” Taehyung says, brows furrowed. “You’re saying that you’re sorry because you should have been more understanding of the fact that I wanted to stop pretending to be with you so I can actually date.” Jeongguk nods and Taehyung tilts his head a little as if trying to make sense of that. “But then you wanted to have stayed being my friend.”

“Yes,” Jeongguk says, nodding some more. “I mean, you must have been wanting to go out with that guy.” A fist, probably his fist, squeezes his heart in his chest, but he has to say this. Because he cares about Taehyung, because he’s supposed to be his friend. “And I should have realized. If I was paying enough attention, I would have known and I would have broken it off at once.”

“What are you talking about?” Taehyung asks, eyes wide, looking bewildered. “What guy?”

“That guy,” Jeongguk says, swallowing. He hates that he has to spell it out. “I saw you guys. He, uh, he walked you to your door and he—he kissed you.” Taehyung’s eyes widen and Jeongguk looks everywhere else but at him. “On the cheek,” Jeongguk is quick to amend. “I didn’t see anything else, I promise. I wasn’t spying and I didn’t so I left because, I mean, it’s none of my business. You were smiling and you looked happy and that’s—that’s good.” He forces a smile because that really is all he wants for Taehyung. Jeongguk is sure of it now. All he wants is for Taehyung to be happy. “It’s good that you’re happy,” he says. “I mean, I know you know this already. I’ve always wanted that for you. Happiness. So yeah, you should be happy with a real boyfriend and a real relationship and not like, you know…” What we had. He laughs helplessly because his chest is hurting, almost like he’s been running really fast and really hard. Except this time the numbing doesn’t come. The pain is just there and doesn’t go away.

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung whispers. “You almost sound like you’re…”

“Like I’m what what?” Jeongguk asks, chest heaving from all the talking he’s done.

“Like you’re jealous,” Taehyung responds, even softer than his last words.

Jeongguk purses his lips and looks away because, yes, he is jealous. He’s jealous because here he is, finally admitting to something he would have never allowed himself to feel a few months ago, but now that he is, he is just a tad bit too late because he’s stupid and an idiot, who takes running too seriously and too literally sometimes.

“He better be treating you well,” Jeongguk says, instead of acknowledging Taehyung’s words out loud. It’s not important how he feels. Jeongguk and his feelings aren’t important. He’s not even supposed to feel like this. He and Taehyung weren’t in a relationship. “I mean, it’s good that you finally found someone you’re willing to go back into dating for.”

Taehyung looks at Jeongguk, blinking several times as he does so. “What about you?” he asks. “Do you think you’ll ever start dating seriously?” Pausing, he plays with the hem of his shirt again. “I mean, what about Jieun—"

Jeongguk bursts into unexpected laughter at this, not meaning to be unkind, but the irony of everything makes him laugh. He shakes his head. “Jieun and I are friends,” he tells Taehyung. “We’ve already talked and we’re good. Besides, she already knows how stupid it would be to try to get into a relationship with me. Anyone would be,” he says. “I’d probably just end up hurting them and making them unhappy in the process because I’m so terrified of something going wrong.” He chuckles and clenches his fists so that they hide under his sleeves.

“That’s not true,” Taehyung says after quite a silence, making Jeongguk lift his head up and look at him. “I mean, I was happy when we were together.” He gives Jeongguk a smile, the first real one who’s given him all evening, and Jeongguk’s heart flips because he knows that smile. It’s the smile that Taehyung uses whenever Jeongguk does something that makes him happy.

“You were?” Jeongguk thinks this is too good to be true, but he wants to know anyway. If, at the very least, he made Taehyung happy while they were pretending, that should be okay for him.

“Yeah,” Taehyung confirms, still smiling. “And I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m terrified of something going wrong too.”

Jeongguk purses his lips. “That pink-haired guy seems like he’s okay. I’m sure he wouldn’t—“

“Oh my god, Jeongguk,” Taehyung interrupts, sounding half amused and half exasperated. “Baekhyun is not my boyfriend. He’s just one of the seniors in Biology and he’s the type who’s overly affectionate and sweet. He’s more like an older brother than anything else really.”

Jeongguk feels the first around his heart loosen, leaving it rapidly beating and vulnerable. Taehyung isn’t dating that pink-haired guy. He’s not dating anyone, which means he’s single and possibly free to… Jeongguk really wants to know what this means for both of them.

“You know, when you said that you weren’t really into relationships, I didn’t think you were that serious,” Taehyung speaks up again, smiling a little at the memory. “Because I wasn’t into relationships either and I didn’t really want to be single forever, at least until I find the guy I want to be with. But then Jieun told me a little bit about you,” he goes on and Jeongguk straightens up his stance. “And I began to understand that you weren’t just hurt over your parents separating. You truly were devastated and, because of that, have never really been in a serious relationship.” He shakes his head.

“What did Jieun tell you?” Jeongguk asks, clenching and unclenching his fists in uncertainty.

“She said that you get tired easily,” Taehyung relays, looking away and looking down at his feet. “She said that I wasn’t special and that you’d eventually leave me too.” Chuckling a little, seemingly to dispel his unease, he continues, “Obviously, she didn’t know we weren’t really together so I didn’t say anything.”

“Why did you leave then?” Jeongguk asks, shoving his hands in his pockets because they’ve started to shake. “When I looked up, you weren’t there.”

“Because I’m only a person, Jeongguk,” Taehyung says with something like a scoff. “There’s only so much I could feel before it gets to me. But it wasn’t fair to you, me leaving that day and then me avoiding you afterwards, so I came to talk to you.” He laughs a little bit more, looking up at the ceiling. “That conversation was a disaster, as well as everything else that followed after that,” he says.

“You were the one who wanted to stop things,” Jeongguk says, defending himself a little.

“Yes, because I wanted to date you, Jeongguk,” Taehyung declares, gesturing towards him. “I wanted to date you for real.” Jeongguk gapes at him and Taehyung looks right into his eyes. “But before I got to that part, you went on about wanting to stop it too and I thought I figured it out all wrong. I thought I had just read the signs wrong and that you didn’t like me back after all. Of course it was also then that I remembered what Jieun told me and… It made sense. You already said from the beginning that you weren’t ever going to want to be in a relationship.” He chuckles and it sounds so sad, Jeongguk wishes Taehyung won’t do it again. Jeongguk won’t let him laugh like that again.

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk rasps. “I was caught off guard and I didn’t want to trap you into anything you didn’t want. After that, I knew I couldn’t just be your friend, which is stupid, because if we really were just friends, it wouldn’t have been a problem. But I couldn’t do it and so I just…”

“You ran away,” Taehyung finishes for him. “Literally, too.” A smile tugs at the corners of his lips. “That’s a thing that you do, isn’t it?”

“Well, I am a runner,” Jeongguk remarks, a smile itching to form on his lips as well.

“What about now?” Taehyung inquires.

“I’m here, aren’t I?” is all Jeongguk can think of as a response to that. Taehyung smiles at him. “I’m a beginner at this and I know it’s not an excuse, but I don’t know what to do.” He takes a deep breath and hopes that things will actually work out. “What I do know is I was happy whenever we were together and it made me wonder what it could be like if it were real and not pretend and…” He shrugs, smiling a little because he doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing. “It wasn’t hard to imagine with you, Taehyung,” he professes. “I think if it were anyone else, it would be much harder. But with you, it felt like I could do it.”

“Oh Jeongguk, you’re not the only one who’s scared,” Taehyung reveals. “I am too. You know me. I’m not really the type to go all the way with things, so I dabble here and there, and the last time I’ve been in a relationship… Well, you know how that went.” He takes a step forward. “But I am willing to try if you are.” Taking another step forward, he reaches out his hand and offers it to Jeongguk. “I really like you, Jeongguk. You made it really hard for me not to like you.”

“You made it so easy for me,” Jeongguk counters in disbelief, taking Taehyung’s hand. It’s warm and comforting and safe. Jeongguk lets out the breath he’s been holding, feeling relief. “I mean, how can anyone not like you, Taehyung? You’re so… bright and beautiful and—I couldn’t look away. Which is funny because I never like anyone and then you come waltzing in, saving me from a girl, and just… You kind of swept me off my feet.” His cheeks burn at the admission.

“I know, I’m pretty great and unbelievable,” Taehyung says, chuckling, although his cheeks are pink.

“You really are,” Jeongguk is quick to agree, taking another step forward to be even closer to Taehyung. “You know, Joonmyun told me that it’s okay to stop running,” he goes on and Taehyung smiles, eyes forming into crescents and hiding the tears that are lurking behind his eyelids. “But, of course, I can’t stop all the time. So I was thinking that maybe it’s okay to keep running.” Taehyung stares at him and waits. Jeongguk takes a leap of faith. “As long as you run with me.”

Taehyung laughs, shaking his head, mirroring Jeongguk’s feelings at how incredulous this whole thing is. “You’re ridiculous,” he whispers.

Jeongguk watches, his heart in his throat, as Taehyung lifts his hand to press a kiss to knuckles, a gesture that he now knows is Taehyung’s way of telling him that he loves him.

“Of course I’ll run with you.”










Jeongguk stands with his feet together, arms straight overhead, and fingers clasped together with pointer fingers extended. He inhales as he reaches upward and then breathes out as he bends his body to the right. Counting to five, he returns to the center, and then bends his body to the left. Beside him, Taehyung grunts as he does some lunges.

“You know,” Jeongguk says, dropping his arms back to his sides. “When I said I wanted you to run with me, I didn’t mean it literally.”

Taehyung straightens up and glares at Jeongguk, looking haughty despite the sweat beading at his forehead just because of stretching. “I am offended at the insinuation that I can’t handle a fun three kilometer run,” he tells him.

Jimin snorts and Taehyung is quick to shift his glare at him. Jimin merely raises his hands up in immediate surrender, taking a few steps back and bumping into Yoongi.

“Just so you know,” Jimin says. “Even during fun runs, Jeongguk is quite competitive. He’s probably going to end up placing in the top three anyway.”

“He doesn’t really know what fun means when it comes to running and always leaves us all behind as we gasp for our last breaths,” Namjoon complains. “Even if he knows that we’re all not runners.”

“Hey, I can run,” Jimin interjects.

“Yeah, baby, but not long distance,” Yoongi pacifies him, fixing the sweatband around his forehead. “And I’m the one who ends up having to slow down and wait for you.” Jimin stares at him with something akin to betrayal.

Meanwhile, Hoseok bursts into laughter. “You talk like you can actually run more than 500 meters without dying,” he snorts.

Yoongi lunges at Hoseok, but Jimin pulls Yoongi back, while Seokjin slips an arm around Hoseok’s waist to pull him away.

“You are all adults. Stop fighting like children,” Seokjin says, pursing his lips. “This is supposed to be a bonding activity.”

“How are we going to bond when we’re all going to die and only Jeongguk will live?” Namjoon voices out. “No one bonds by himself. That’s just weird.”

“I am not going to die,” Taehyung insists as he starts doing lunges again with new ferocity. “I’m going to make sure that I’m right beside Jeongguk when he crosses the finish line.”

“By dragging you there, you mean?” Hoseok comments almost sweetly.

“Hey, don’t be like that,” Jeongguk snaps, quick to defend Taehyung. “I’m not going to have to drag him to the finish line.”

“You mean, you’ll carry him instead?” Jimin asks.

Jeongguk takes a very deep breath because his friends are all idiots. “No, because we’re going to run together, side by side,” he explains with an eye roll. “I would have actually wanted to win if I was just with you guys. But Taehyung is here and I’m not going to let him run alone.”

Seriously, do his friends think Jeongguk’s an idiot for allowing Taehyung to join a run and not assist him at all? Of course Jeongguk is going to be by his side to make sure that Taehyung doesn’t get too tired or get dehydrated. If anything, they could even walk, even though he detests walking during a run so much.

“What?” Jeongguk demands when he finds all his friends have fallen silent and are staring at him. Taehyung, meanwhile, has a small, fond, and kind of besotted smile on his face. “What?”

“Well, it’s nice to see you actually caring for something other than running for once,” Seokjin comments. Jeongguk turns red. “And for real this time too.”

“What?” Jeongguk and Taehyung sputter at the same time.

Jeongguk glares at Jimin.

“I didn’t say anything,” Jimin immediately defends himself, shaking his head.

“Jimin didn’t have to,” Seokjin stresses, raising an eyebrow at Jeongguk. “You barely know what a relationship is and for you to have gone into one with Taehyung, whom you barely know, was suspicious.”

“Yeah, I knew something weird was going on,” Hoseok pipes in. Seokjin gives him and look and Hoseok turns pink.

“And I was going to say something about it,” Seokjin continues, then shrugs. “Then we thought why intervene? Something good had to come out of it somehow and we were right.”

Jeongguk continues coughing so much that Taehyung has to get him a bottle of water. All this time, he thought they were being so discreet and had been so damn proud of how they were fooling everyone. In the end, he and Taehyung were the fools.

“We’re not idiots,” Yoongi states, sighing as if already bored with the conversation. Jeongguk takes a deep breath, his coughing finally having stopped. “And, if you think that I’m going to let that comment about you leaving us in the dust if Taehyung weren’t here slide, you’re wrong. I’m going to dominate you, Jeon Jeongguk.”

Hoseok snorts, Taehyung tries hard not to laugh, Jeongguk makes a face, while Seokjin buries his face in his palms. Meanwhile, Jimin is staring at his boyfriend.

“Oh my god, you are so hot when you get all aggressive. Please dominate me now,” Jimin says, grabbing Yoongi by the arm and dragging him away from the starting line and to the direction of where the bathrooms are.

“There goes his winning streak,” Hoseok comments under his breath. Seokjin quirks an eyebrow at him and then Hoseok starts mumbling about getting something from his bag in the bag storage area before walking away. Seokjin follows him shortly afterwards.

“I hate you all. This is supposed to be friends bonding time and not couples retreat,” Namjoon comments, walking away from Jeongguk and Taehyung and going right to the very front of the starting line.

Jeongguk lets out a breath as his gaze meets Taehyung’s. There are many things he wants to say, starting from how their friends are all gross and ending with how they really should give their friends more credit. But Jeongguk decides those are not important anymore. Instead, he takes Taehyung’s hand in his, lifts it up and kisses the knuckles, just as the countdown to the start of the run begins.

“Ready?” Jeongguk asks.

“Get set,” Taehyung returns teasingly.

“Go,” they echo each other, and they run.








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