[Winter; Nordic Skiing] DP is for Double Poling - Part 1 2.2

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❉



They need snow.

Not in the way that people need air, or food, or a properly beating heart to live for extended periods of time, but in the way that for the sake of sanity, they need snow. Very soon.

The problem is that they do have snow. It’s just beginning to set up, flurries in the morning and dusting the frozen ground enough that students are chattering about it in the halls. There’s enough snow that it feels like they have snow, but there’s not enough snow for Sunyoung to come to the school during the afternoon before practice and groom a track to ski on.

At the most they’ve had about two inches, and most of it melts by the time school gets out.

This means, that Sehun desperately wants snow, almost as much as his team does. Today, they even had snow, just enough that as the team comes barging into the equipment room, they’re all looking at him expectantly, eyes alight.

And Sehun had to let them all down.

“No,” he’d said, and Taehyung had let out an enormous groan. “We don’t have enough snow to really make a base track to ski on. We need more than just an inch.”

“So what are we doing today?” Jaebum asked, already tugging on his sweatshirt ties, Jackson bouncing on the balls of his feet beside him. “Running?”

The dire need for snow is so thick on the team, Sehun can practically taste it if he opens his mouth. They’re antsy for it, just passed with the last waves of papers and exams and heading into December getting and the longest school vacation. The day trip up to the Cross Country center isn’t for another few weeks, and while Sehun knows at least there they will have snow and can get kids moving on it, for now they’re stuck with-

“Oh my God, Jimin Park, I’m going to kill you!”

-the screaming team that has just discovered they can still scrape up enough snow to form projectiles and hurl them at each other.

“Snow ball fights happen after practice,” Sehun shouts, raising his whistle to his lips as he watches the team mostly ignore him. Already, it’s dividing up nicely, the girls who are terrified and the girls who will literally shed blood before giving up facing off against the boys (who are equally divided even if they’d deny it abrasively). “Get running!”

“We can’t run, coach!” Seokjin yells, and yelps a moment later when he gets hit square in the back of the head by a snowball (courtesy of an astonished looking Taehyung). “The ground is too slippery!”

“You can run,” Sehun says, nodding out towards the athletic fields. “Take the trails through the woods, and make sure not to get lost in them.”

“Yeah, but how would you know if we’ve gotten lost or are-“ Jackson ducks, dropping the sentence as he avoids a snowball from Hyeri “-behaving?”

“Or having snowball fights,” Sehun adds, and grins. “I’ll be running too.”

“You run?” Hoseok almost shouts, voice cantering into a shriek as Jeongguk darts around him and shoves a fist full of snow down his back. The next second, Hoseok lets out an extremely high and loud scream, prompting Yerim to flop to the ground overcome with giggles.

“Of course Coach runs, you shit head,” Yoongi says, turning to Hoseok with a patronizing look on his face. It’s impressive, how out of all the team members, no one seems to want to go near him. Sehun isn’t sure if it’s because Yoongi might actually be a threat, or no one wants to find out (though Yugyeom keeps casting tentative looks). “Look at him. And he ran with us during the first week of practices.”

“Oh right,” Hoseok says from where he’s sprawled on the ground, in the snow, with Taehyung sitting on him and trying to shove snow into his face. “Everyone run!”

Even with Hoseok trying to get the rest of the team to rally, it takes a bit before the group all ends up finally taking off around the field. Jaebum and Minah take the lead, followed by Mark, Jimin, and Youngsun, and then it’s mostly just a chaos of the rest of the team all trying to run and fling snow at each other. Bringing up the rear, just behind some of the more tentative girls, Seokjin runs last, keeping at a light jog and making sure no one gets left behind.

“You don’t really have to go running after them,” Sunyoung says, stepping up to his side as she returns from checking over the equipment room.

“Nah, it’ll be fun to catch them all goofing off,” Sehun says, shrugging and unzipping the collar of his jacket slightly. It’s been a relatively stressful week. What with booking the buses finally for the training day with Junmyeon, then with the sudden fire drill that was completely unplanned and having the shower break at home, Sehun hasn’t had a great run of luck. That, and due to practices, he’s getting behind on school grading.

Grading, like pain, is something you have to keep on top of. Once it gets out of hand, it takes a ton of effort to get control over it once more, and Sehun can already feel his nerves twanging with the stress from it.

He needs to move.

“You sure?” Sunyong asks, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah,” Sehun says, and shakes his legs out a bit, arms following and getting the blood flowing. It’ll be good to run, and he can feel his system warming to it already, needing the steady rhythm to calm down the nervous energy that’s rising under the surface. “I’ll trust you to make sure they get through here after I wrangle them.”

“You can count on me,” Sunyoung says with a smile and a salute. “I’ll hold down the fort.”

“Good,” Sehun says, and grins as he turns and begins a light jog. It’s a good warm up, following the path the team had trampled in the snow. The ground is slightly slick from the snow, but it’s softer than just frozen turf, making it easier to run, less shock through his legs.

Sehun is by the treeline when the rhythm kicks in, and he increases his pace, feeling his hastened breaths picking up into a rhythm along with his heart beat. While Sehun may not be a track runner, or in the same condition as some of his team, he does know it won’t take long for him to catch up (having long legs helps).

Sure enough, Sehun has barely been running through the path through the woods outside the school before he can hear them, the raised voices, laughter, and shouts of the team. Grinning, Sehun keeps up his pace, feeling the tension in his body shift to a different tightness, this one good, keeping him together as he runs.

“Oh crap, go!” shouts what sounds a lot like Mark’s voice, and the next second the loud shouts and scrambling laughter begins to move, the team running. Shaking his head, Sehun keeps running, following his team as they run, just out of sight, ahead of him. Every few minutes, when Sehun can hear the team pause ahead of him and the sounds of them goofing off reaches him through the trees, someone sounds the alarm and they go scampering on ahead.

By the time Sehun breaks through the trees and runs back onto the edge of the far football field, he can see the team just ahead of him. Most of them keep glancing back, and he sees Moonbyul let out a shriek of laughter when she sees him.

“You’re ruthless,” Taehyung tells him, smiling brightly when he comes level with them back on the field.

“I know,” Sehun tells him, ruffling his hair as he looks over the team. “Go grab your poles.”

“And skis?” Jimin suggests excitedly.

“No, just poles,” Sehun clarifies, and watches as half the team deflates as he crushes their dreams. Again.

“What are we doing?” Jaebum asks, stepping up beside him instead of following the team into the equipment room.

“We’re going to run the skate poling technique,” Sehun explains, turning to him. “Can I have you covering the returning members and making sure they’re poling on their dominant side?”

“Their-“ Jaebum frowns.

“I noticed that some of them are struggling with it earlier this week,” Sehun says, pushing his hair back from his face. After running, it always feels too hot even in the cold weather, and Sehun wants to unzip his jacket even if he knows that’s stupid. “Especially Yugyeom and Jeongguk I think have abnormal dominant sides for poling.”

“You mean they’re not poling on the correct side,” Jaebum asks, the frown of confusion still on his face.

Letting out a soft puff of a laugh, Sehun reaches out and clasps his hand on Jaebum’s shoulder, shaking him slightly. “You’re getting there,” Sehun says, and Jaebum relaxes, letting himself smile a bit at the comment. “Keep it up, and I might just make you captain.”

“I am captain,” Jaebum reminds, though he’s still smiling, casting Sehun a humored look. It’s been a while, but Sehun can finally see him loosening up, letting go of some of the stiffness he has around the team, around the Alpine members, and beginning to open up.

“Exactly,” Sehun says, and Jaebum laughs again. “Also, keep an eye on Seokjin. His balance keeps wavering.”

“I will,” Jaebum says, and nods as he slips from under Sehun’s hand and jogs to the equipment room, pushing through the door as the first eager members pour back onto the field, poles in hand.

“Ready?” Sehun asks, looking over a few of them, all the newer skiers. He’ll have Sunyoung, Jaebum, and Seulgi take over the others and direct them where they need to go as they come onto the field.

“What kind of poling are we learning?” Jeongguk asks, chewing on his pole straps again.

“Double poling,” Sehun explains. “Where you plant both of your poles at the same time, and push through your arms and back and abs onto your glide ski.”

“Our what?”

“Glide ski,” Sehun repeats.

“But we don’t have skis!” Hwasa shouts from the back.

“Of course not,” Sehun says, trying hard not to sigh. “If you had skis, you’d all be too distracted trying not to fall down to listen to me right now. So you have to learn how to ski before you actually ski so you’re ready to ski when you ski.”

Grinning, Sehun looks around at the team, and takes a brief moment to just enjoy the levels of confusion on their faces. Standing closest to him, Jeongguk raises his hand, still frowning.

“Yes.”

“I don’t get it,” Jeongguk says, and tilts his head to the side, clearly displaying how confused he is as well as voicing it.

“Exactly,” Sehun says, and the confusion grows. “Here, I’ll show you. Yugyeom?”

It’s habit now that Yugyeom hands Sehun his poles, and Sehun makes sure the team is watching him before he sets off down the field. While it might be easier at the very beginning to start the team with classic (7), Sehun figures that really, what he wants to work on, is their control and balance, which will mean when they finally get snow, they’ll start right off with freestyle skiing (8). Or skate skiing as most people call it, considering it is, in essence, skiing with the same motion of skating.

“Pole on your dominant side,” Sehun calls, planting his poles as he shifts all his weight onto his right foot, “and then push off onto your glide ski to transition your weight and move.” Sehun pushes off, with less finesse than he might if he were actually on skis, stepping forward with a little hop to his left leg. “Then bring your poles back as you transfer back.”

Hopping forward and to his right leg, Sehun raises his poles in the starting position to plant them again before turning back to the team. Most of them are all copying him, mimicking his movements, and Sehun turns with a smile to look at them. “Do you think you can do it?”

Only a smattering of answers come back to him, most of the team just nodding and a few of them already trying the motion a few steps ahead of the group. They line up in pairs, spaced out to make sure they don’t run into each other, and set off down the field, swinging with poles and jerking little hops from foot to foot but with the main motion down.

“This is easy!” Jeongguk yells on his returning lap, catching on quickly as Yugyeom stumbles beside him.

“I think my side is broken,” Yugyeom says, looking up at Sehun and frowning.

“Try the other side,” Sehun suggests, watching the way Yugyeom had been running and watching him transition balance. “What hand do you write with?”

“Right.”

“Try poling on the left for now,” Sehun suggests, wondering if he’s right (or Yugyeom is just going to have a hard time poling). “Then we’ll assess again.”

It works, and Sehun ends up leaving the group under Yoongi’s supervision to go and grab his own pair of poles to run up and down the field with the team. It helps, most of the team picking up and setting into a rhythm as Sehun keeps them going. They have a lot of work to do, but as the cold air burns Sehun’s nose and dries his tongue, it’s good to just get this started.

“Alright,” he calls over the team as the sun sets and he catches Sunyoung tapping her wrist. “Poles back and go do one final lap around the fields to cool down.”

“Can’t we just get hot chocolate?” Sooyoung asks, breathless from the exercise.

“After you finish you lap,” Sehun tells her. “Off you go, I’ll be along behind you in just a few, so no dallying.” The team is barely out of earshot, Sehun’s heart pounding in his chest and a pleasant distraction from the tension that is crawling under his skin again, when Sunyoung taps him on the arm.

“You alright?” she asks.

“Fine,” Sehun tells her, stepping back and shaking his hair from his face. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind. It’s easier to deal with if I’m moving.”

“I understand that,” she says, nodding slowly. “Is it school?”

School. Work. Friends. The apartment he shares with his two best friends who have been dating since high school. The essays he has to grade and the tests he has to correct. The friendships that feel too new among the other teachers in the school. The bills he has to pay. The lack of snow when Sehun just wants to get the team out skiing.

The lack of snow when Sehun wants so badly to get onto white trails and ski until his muscles ache and burn and push all of the worries into numb silence, all tied up in an icy cool that feels distance but leaves him warm and panting after hours of pushing himself.

“It’s a few things,” Sehun says, swallowing down the pressure in his throat. “Don’t worry about it. Running will help and it’ll make sure the team gets back here in one piece.” He smiles, tugging the top of his zipper further down his jacket, opening up to the cold rush of air. “I’ll be back to wrap up, running the team in.”

“Alright,” Sunyoung says, and smiles reassuringly at him as he turns and runs off after the team, back into the rhythmic pound up his legs and the burn that sooths against the buzzing under his skin.


✦


Sehun doesn’t really do sports. Well, technically he didn’t do sports. Nordic is just kind of something that fell into his lap.

In the form of Chanyeol, whining and pleading over lunch, and roping him and Jongin into the sport.

That’s how it happened.

But other than that, Sehun just classified his athletic career as ‘restless movement during the day’ rather than identifying any kind of sport he really got into.

Skiing is different though. Skiing is fun, and once they’re on trails and out and training, with either Kyuhyun or Minho taking the lead as the coaches do… whatever, it’s like another world. This isn’t all about racing (especially not all about racing when Kyuhyun decides they’re all gonna go ‘exploring’ and leads them off into the woods. To get stuck. In a swamp).

It’s about playing, it’s about having funwith a sport and making things up and getting better at skiing just so he can get better at doing stupid shit on skis that he’s not supposed to do in the first place.

“Poles down!” Minho is shouting over the team.

Like today. Sehun doesn’t really do sports, which is mostly why his stomach had dropped when Minho had announced that, since Coach was out today, they’re gonna play ‘ski basketball’. Sehun has only played basketball in gym class. And he hated it.

Of course, luckily it turns out that ski basketball is almost nothing like real basketball at all. It just has some similar rules. Rather than hoops, Kyuhyun had dragged out two large garbage cans and a soft volleyball as their ‘basketball’. There is still no carrying, but they can skate three steps on their skis before they pass the ball, and that’s pretty damn far on skis. They can’t kick the ball, but that’s kind of impossible anyway, considering their feet are attached to skis and that’d be stupid. And they can’t tackle each other.

Well, they can, but it counts as a foul and everyone will laugh.

“Are you sure?” Sehun asks, staring as he puts down his poles. Granted, he’s skied without poles before, mostly training for technique, but this is the first time he’s really skied without poles. Now there’s a much higher chance of him falling down.

“You need you hands free, of course you can’t have poles,” Taemin answers instead, skiing up and slamming into him from behind, arms wrapping around Sehun’s waist as he laughs, holding him upright as Sehun wobbles dangerously. “Besides, imagine all the skiing around we’re gonna be doing. No one wants a pole stuck in their leg.”

It's true. The Nordic poles, unlike alpine, aren’t blunt tipped, but instead have hard metal tips like knives to dig into the snow and stick. Sehun knows how sharp they are because Jongin accidentally stuck him in the foot with one while they were changing a few weeks ago.

It still hurts and Taemin has taken to calling it his ‘puncture wound’ with sleazy affection whenever he has a conversation with Sehun.

“Okay, okay,” Sehun says, trying to wiggle out of Taemin’s grasp. “I get it, you can let go now.”

“I’m just making sure you don’t fall down without poles,” Taemin tells him. “And we’re teammates. You shouldn’t be talking to Minho anyway. He’s on the other team. The enemy.”

“Except how else are we gonna learn the stupid game, dumbass?” Sehun points out, and finally manages to pry Taemin’s arms from around him, letting cool air against his middle.

“We’ll cheat,” Taemin says, and grins at Sehun’s returning frown. “What? Worried our captain isn’t gonna like you as much if you cheat against him?”

“No!” Sehun bites out, even as heat rises in his face at Taemin’s words. His stomach jumps in a soft flutter, eyes flickering over to where Minho is helping Kyuhyun set up the garbage cans, skating back and forth over the ‘court’ easily.

“Lame,” Taemin laughs, and reaches out to wrap Sehun into a headlock, still laughing as Sehun yelps and tries to shove him off. “It’ll be fun! We’ll be champions!”

“Do you remember your teams?” shouts Kyuhyun from his end of the goals.

“We’re with you!” Taemin answers, still holding Sehun in a headlock before he can answer for himself. Sehun flails, struggling as Taemin’s arm around him locks him closer, trying to hit him off. “And we claimed Sojin and Hyoyeon!”

“Hey!” shouts Jongin from the other end of the ‘court’, clearly offended he’d been left out.

“I get the wiz kid, you deal with Park Gangly Yeol,” Taemin laughs, finally releasing Sehun, who skates away, coughing slightly and glowering at his teammate.

The game, as it turns out, is a lot more like soccer than it is like basketball, and it’s mostly about trying to shove each other over than to actually ski the ball between the garbage cans. Still, it ends up being extremely fun once they all get the hang of it. Once Kyuhyun figures out that as much as he and Taemin bicker and Sehun wants to punch his face in sometimes, they make a pretty good duo. They become the offense.

This mostly means that Sehun is frantically skiing up and down, trying to dodge Jongin and Chanyeol when they lunge for him, and find an opening for Taemin to pass him the ball.

Turning, having just left Chanyeol in the snow a few feet away, Sehun looks for Taemin with his arms stretched up, shouting, “I’m open!”

The ball is never passed to him though, as instead of passing it, Taemin gets bowled over by Minho and the two of them go sprawling in a tangle in the snow.

“Foul!” yells Kyuhyun, skating up from where he’d been acting as ‘goalie’. “Taemin gets to take a shot.”

On the ground, Taemin and Minho are laughing, fumbling with each other to grab for the ball, and Taemin yelps when Minho finally rolls off of him. His face is pink with laughter, snow in his dark hair as he pushes to his feet.

“This is why I didn’t want you on my team,” Taemin says, and is grinning brightly as he looks at Minho. “It’s more fun this way.” Sehun frowns, watching as Taemin grins and Minho rolls his eyes, shoving the younger boy.

“Go take your shot,” Minho says, watching as Jinri and Song Qian move away from the trashcan that is their goal. “We’ll see who wins and who doesn’t have to cheat their way to victory.”

“You’re on!” Taemin crows, skiing up to take the shot. Sehun’s stomach lurches when Taemin suddenly turns to him, winks, and then throws the volleyball to the trashcan goal-

-and misses the shot completely.

“You’re a moron,” Sehun grumbles, quickly side stepping out of the way as Taemin turns to skate towards him. He doesn’t look to see if Taemin is following him back to their side of the ‘court’, watching as Jongin and Chanyeol ski back to their side, his eyes instead flickering over to where Minho is still laughing at the crappy shot.

“That’s no way to talk to your fellow teammate,” Taemin says, easily recovering to ski up beside him. He reaches over, tugging Sehun’s hand into his. “I feel like you don’t trust me.”

“I don’t,” Sehun tells him. “Pass me the ball next time, I could have taken the shot.”

“I tried,” Taemin laughs.

“Whatever,” Sehun says, pushing back the sigh as he turns from Taemin and pulls his hand back. “Ready?”

“Who pissed in your soup at lunch today?” Taemin asks, frowning at him as he turns, stepping to face down the ‘court’ again.

“Are you boys gonna play nice or do I have to get the girls up front instead?” Kyuhyun asks, looking between them.

“We got this,” Taemin says, nodding to Sehun. “Right?”

“Yeah,” Sehun says, not looking at Taemin though, his eyes instead on the other side of the court; on the prize. “Got it.” Under the spandex and the hum that comes from playing, the game ending up far more fun and just making things up in the guise of it being a ‘game’, Sehun’s stomach flutters every so often.

Except now it alternates between excited, soft flutters at warm laughs and bright eyes and the sudden twist when a hand grabs for his with a teasing smile.

For a moment, as Sehun careens out of the ‘court’ boundaries and lets out a yelp when both Minho and Taemin tackle him (clearly unintentionally), there’s a thin line between what game he’s playing.


❉


There is always something about waking up after snow where it’s just obvious. Something in the air, the stillness outside and inside, like the layer of snow has wrapped the world in a soft cocoon of cool white, muffling everything to whispers and soft breaths caught in the chest. It creeps up the walls, sun just peeking through the clouds as the ground layers in soft snow, perfect for skiing.

“I knew it,” Chanyeol laughs, voice laced heavily with sleep as he shuffles into the kitchen to see Sehun already there and dressed. It’s habit not that Sehun wakes up automatically every day at the same time. School does that, and he hadn’t bothered to lie in bed when he’d looked outside and seen the world in soft pillows of white. “As soon as I saw the snow, I knew you’d be up.”

“I’m always up,” Sehun tells him, spoon clinking in his cereal bowl as he scoops the last of his cocoa crisps into his mouth. “Do you want me to wait for you or-“

Chanyeol yawns, shaking his head and waving him off. Chanyeol is still in his pajamas, fleece patterned sleep pants and a white tee, just waking up as Sehun watches him, fully dressed in his ski layers and already done with breakfast.

“I’m going to wait on Jongin,” Chanyeol says, though he gives Sehun an appreciative smile. “We’ll text you and meet you at the trail, if conditions are good and you’re still out when he gets up.”

“Chances are I will be,” Sehun says. He’s already been up for a few hours, nerves buzzing with the chance to finally get back out on skis. It’s almost perfect that it snowed on a Saturday, ensuring that, if the weather holds, they’ll have a great base come Monday to finally get the team out on skis. “Let me know.”

It hadn’t taken long to get his skis waxed, checking the temperature for the day and heating up the iron as the coffee had brewed. It’s barely a short trip out to the local trails, not quite groomed yet but the local outdoors association has at least sent out a groomer that morning.

It’s like stepping into a breath when Sehun clicks his toes into his bindings. It’s the beating of his heart as he slips his hands into his pole straps and grips the handles. It’s feeling completely balanced as he looks up, the only person out here in the crisp December air, little clouds of white rising from his lips.

Pushing off, skating and making first tracks in the freshly fallen and groomed snow, Sehun feels like he’s coming back into himself. Like everything lines up and clicks, making sense with the glide of the snow beneath his skis and the soft crunch as his poles dig into the snow.

The snow is still drifting down softly, just the last of the storm that had come through silently overnight and left them blanketed in white. The whole world is quiet, the only sound the gentle swish of skis over the snow, cutting marks against the perfectly groomed tracks. The only break is the breaths that sound in Sehun’s ears, pulled from him as he skies, setting a pace easily and with eyes ahead, moving faster and faster, slipping and skating, gliding over the snow.

The cold against his heating skin is welcome, the soft familiar push through his thighs, legs, abs, arms, and pulling the muscles of his back as he follows through with his poles. It’s slipping back into himself, into the center of what he is, what he loves, and looking out with clarity and ease.

There’s no one on the trails, and it’s almost better that way. As much as Sehun likes having Jongin and Chanyeol’s company when he’s out, sometimes, it’s best to just be out like this, taking the first run of the season. It’s almost precious, unique and just for him, a small moment when he can just ski and not think about anything but the gliding shift of weight from foot to foot.

It’s breathing, filling and expanding and clear, clean with the crisp winter air, and bringing life back into him. It’s life, and Sehun feels so full of it, he can’t do anything but keep going as a smile breaks over his face.

It’s breathing, and it’s coming home and feeling that he’d never left, and knowing in the cold air against his skin and the welcome humming of his muscles that everything is okay.


❉


Of course, while the weekend of near perfect skiing conditions had been ideal, oddly relaxing despite how Sehun had ended up skiing nearly thirty kilometers, by the time practice arrives on Monday, the excitement about the snow is palpable. Sehun almost feels bad when he opens the door to the equipment room to see the entire team already there, shouting and all lined up by the skies, clearly ready to get out.

“Waxing,” Sehun tells them all, and while half of them look confused, the older members let out a collective sigh.

“What’s waxing?” Taehyung asks, turning around and to Hoseok, standing just behind him.

“It’s when we remove all the hair from your body to make you more aerodynamic,” Hoseok says seriously, and then laughs a moment later at the horrified look on Taehyung’s face.

“We’re waxing the skis,” Sehun corrects, nodding over to Jaebum and Seulgi who move towards the corner where the benches are. “Wax before we head out, and only after your skis are waxed. Otherwise you’re stuck inside until you finish your skis.” Despite how about half of the team has never waxed skis before, they manage to set up fairly quickly, the five waxing benches and irons set up with the tool kits dropped between. “Experienced skiers take a mentee,” Sehun calls over the group, watching as Sunyoung sneaks in, face flushed from the cold as she gets in after grooming. “I’ll take whoever is left.”

“Impressive,” Sunyoung says, nodding to the team as they begin working on their classic skis. They’d gotten enough snow on the ground to groom classic, and it’ll be easier to start with classic for the newer skiers. They’ll conquer skate later in the week. “I think this is the most concentrated I’ve ever seen them.”

“It’s the idea of actually skiing,” Sehun says, watching as the older skiers iron wax into their skis and the newer members watch, eyes careful. It seems to be matched up pretty well, almost all the younger skiers with one of the older members. Mark and Jackson are the only two who aren’t teaching, both taking one side of one of the waxing benches to get their skis waxed and prepped, focused and chatting together as they work.

“Or you’re doing a good job,” Sunyoung says, and elbows him in the side gently. “It’s awesome out there, by the way. We have a great day to get them started.”

“I know,” Sehun says, smiling at his assistant coach. “I’m looking forward to it.”

The older more experienced members don’t wait, Sehun nodding to them to head out onto the track and start skiing laps. Jackson is out first, after rubbing kick wax into his skis, out the door with a whooping yell of, “see you suckers on the track!” before he barrels outside. Mark is soon to follow with Hyeri after him.

Any of the new team members just stands, drifting between the waxing benches if they’ve finished up their skis. Jaebum ends up lingering, watching over Jeongguk and Yibo before he finally heads out onto the track with a nod from Sehun.

“You all ready?” Sehun asks, and is greeted with smiles.

Classic skiing, unlike the freestyle Sehun had done over the weekend, is less about the swing of balance and is more about the original style of Nordic. It is, in essence, running with long sticks on your feet to get over the snow. Sunyoung had put the classic attachment for the groomer to make their track for the day. It runs along the main stretch of track, two deeper wider grooves, about two inches wider than the width of a ski, set into the snow. They help skiers, especially in a race, to keep moving in a proper line, getting the most speed and focus in the guiding track.

“Do you remember when we ran up and down the field using our poles?” Sehun asks, stepping into his own skis as the team gathers around him.

They all look up at him, silent and big eyed and Sehun is reminded strongly of the ‘duckling’ image that Chanyeol uses when talking about his daycare kids.

“This is kind of like that,” Sehun explains. “Actually, it’s basically that. Except you’re not running, you’re staying on your forward weight bearing foot for as long as you can glide on the snow.”

“So it’s like slow motion running?” Sooyoung asks, frowning slightly.

“Yes,” Sehun says, realizing explaining exactly what classic is might be harder than just letting them watch and copy. “Kind of like running in slow motion, except your kicking off to change your weight. That’s why we use the kick wax.”

“The sticky wax,” Jeongguk chirps, and grins.

“Yes,” Sehun agrees, and steps back. “I want everyone to get into the tracks and space out a bit when you line up. Then we’re going to try.”

Initially, he’s met with eagerness, all of the first timers fumbling a bit on their skis to try to walk on skis that keep slipping out from under them, awkwardly attached to the tips of their feet. Finally though, they all end up spaced fairly well on the track, staring at him. They all watch carefully as he demonstrates on the flat ungroomed track, leaning forward with a straight back, pushing off into the gliding motion that feels like running through air. A few of them are trying to copy him when Sehun turns back to them, already fumbling a bit in the tracks.

“Your turn,” Sehun tells them, smiling as best he can when he turns back to them after the brief demo.

It doesn’t take more than five minutes before almost every one of them has fallen down, yelling in some varying degree of pitch and volume. “Nice,” Sehun tells them, and steps out of the way as he catches sight of the older team members rounding the track. “It’s a good start.”

“Hey! Mr. Oh!” calls Jackson, in the lead in the opposite track from where the learning skiers are. “How many laps do you want us to do?”

“Try to get another three in,” Sehun says, watching as Jackson comes to pause, standing up fully and panting slightly. “Maybe five if you feel like it. That should be at least two K then we’ll meet back here for a few things. Can you let the other’s know?”

Jackson grins, glancing behind him. “Sure, if they can catch up,” he says, and Sehun notices the learning team watching him, taking in his stance, how he leans on his poles, the way he’s distributing his weight. “But yeah, I’ll let them know. Jaebum is back working with Mark for a little bit and I think he wants to meet up in the woods just to do check ins.”

“Sounds good,” Sehun says, turning back to his portion of the team. “I’ll see you on your next lap.” Turning back to the team as Jackson pushes off, skiing back down the track in a steady pace, kicking off well through his kick zone (and double poling for a bit to show off), Sehun smiles at the new skiers. “Think you can catch up to him.”

“Yeah!” Jeongguk is the only one to answer, and even if he looks cocky when he shouts it, he immediately looks sheepish afterwards. “Sorry.”

“No, I like the confidence,” Sehun laughs, and motions to them all to get back to standing. “Half of you step over to the other track. It’ll be easier to move and you won’t run into each other.”

It’s been another thirty minutes before the rest of the team finishes up their lap skiing, Sehun already having done a few circles of the field tracks with his progressing team. In total, they’d fallen less than he thought they might, but they’d still fallen a lot.

“It’s all part of the learning experience,” Hweein says, smiling at Yerim as she somehow manages to topple over again once they’re all gathered. “Everyone falls the first time on skis.”

“And you don’t even get it until you’ve been on skis for three days,” Hoseok adds, shrugging a bit as Taehyung wanders out off the track to… do something with his skis in the snow. Possibly make a firework design, Sehun isn’t sure. “So you guys don’t have to worry that you suck.”

“Three days?” Yugyeom wheezes, suddenly sagging almost slipping to the ground if not holding onto his poles. “Three?”

“It depends on the skier,” Sehun explains easily. “But you’ll all have the hang of it by the end of the week.”

“The end of the week?” Sooyoung repeats, and Yerim whimpers as she flops back into the snow. Behind her, Taehyung has finally finished his… firework? And is grinning down at it his masterpiece as Hoseok keeps trying to fling snow off his ski at him.

“Look at it this way,” Sehun says, trying not to laugh at the expressions on his team’s faces. “You only have to be bad at this sport once, and you’ll be better tomorrow, and ever better the day after.”

“And then you get to race,” Jaebum adds, and grins delightedly when the team pales slightly.

“Which is the whole point!” Jackson adds as Hyeri rolls her eyes. “It’s awesome!”

“I feel sick,” Yugyeom tells him.

“Yeah!” Jackson says, still grinning. “Get used to that, that’s how it feels in races too, except you can’t breathe and your snot freezes to your face.”

“Gross,” Hwasa says, her lip curling. “That’s disgusting.”

“That’s racing,” Jackson says, and hops a bit on his skis. “No one looks good when they’re racing. It’s just fact. That’s why we all strip on the bus on the way down.”

“More talk about races when we get to them,” Sehun cuts off before Yura can look even more disconcerted by Jackson’s descriptions. “For now, we need to work on technique and getting down poling.”

“Poling?” Seokjin repeats, and finally Hoseok manages to grab Taehyung and drag him into the snow.

“Yep, we’re going to do double poling exercises,” Sehun says, and turns towards the two boys obviously ignoring practice. “Oi! Are you in practice or play time?” Turning back as Taehyung and Hoseok scramble back onto the track, Sehun breathes in to look at his team as a whole. “Double poling is the main way you pick up speed in classic skiing. Honestly, if you double pole an entire race, you’d make better time than if you just did classic skiing.”

“Are you serious?” Jaebum asks, actually looking surprised.

“You get the most forward motion,” Sehun explains, shifting on his skis. “All your strength and energy is put to gliding, which is what gives you your speed in the first place, and you follow all your weight through your poles. It’s not broken up into the pause of kicking through your kick zone.” Stepping back and skiing a bit away, Sehun swiftly does a demonstration, plating both poles by his heels and pushing through his arms, bending down as it shoots him forward and he swings all his weight down, following through until he’s bent nearly in half, all his weight pushed through, before he swings back up and faces his team. “See?”

“So why don’t skiers just double pole a whole race?” Yoongi asks, head tilting to the side.

“Because it’s exhausting,” Sehun explains. “It uses the most of your energy, and you need to have a solid rock hard core to really get the most out of it.”

“Jimin has a pretty solid core,” Jeongguk says, and gets a pleased and slightly cocky grin from his teammate.

“I know,” Sehun says, remembering the multiple occasions Jimin had practically paraded his ‘eight-pack’ around the equipment, boasting about his ‘hot bod’.

“It takes more than just a six pack to get through a race just double poling,” Sehun explains. “And there’s hills and shifts in the course, and double poling up a hill is extremely hard.”

“So are we just using it at the beginning of races?” Hyeri asks, shifting on her skis, clearly getting impatient.

“Whenever you can,” Sehun says. “But mostly at the beginning and end of races. That’s when it’ll serve you the most. You can shave off a lot of your time in the final stretch if you’re double poling instead of just skiing. So, that's what we’re gonna work on today.”

“We are?” Yibo asks, and the rest of the new skiers look just as apprehensive as he does.

“Yep,” Sehun confirms with a smile. “This will be good for you guys to get down. It’ll help with balance and coordination, and you get to watch everyone else suffer with you.”

“Suffer?” Taehyung repeats, finally jerking to attention and listen.

“Everyone line up!” Sehun shouts, stepping back on his skis and pushing off, skiing about fifty feet ahead of the team before he tugs his whistle to his teeth. “I want those in front to start, then the second skiers start on my whistle! And so on. Double pole to me and keep going to the fence!”

“What if I get tired?” yells Yoongi, leaning against Seokjin in the line up.

“Then you keep going until you fall over,” Sehun shouts, and doesn't allow for anymore questions as he blows his whistle. It’s hard work, Sehun knows, watching as Jaebum and Hyeri start off their lines, double poling hard and fast towards him, and once they get about ten feet, the blows the whistle again, queuing Hoseok and Hweein to go, followed by Mark and Youngsun, and then the rest of the pairs.

Their technique needs work, and by the time the newest skiers end up struggling past him, Sehun already knows what he wants to work on. Letting them rest for a moment, Sehun skis over to the team waiting by the fence.

“Good,” Sehun tells them, smiling at their flushed faces. “You did well.”

“And we’re done?” Minah asks, still panting a bit.

Sehun just laughs and steps back, skiing back one hundred feet this time before he turns to the team and motions for them to line up before he blows his whistle. They have a long way to go, and now they have snow, they can finally get down to business.

Now, they can finally do the sport they’re here for, and Sehun’s going to make sure they get it without just being left to figure it out.


❉


As it had turned out, it wasn’t so much at the scheduling issues of everyone’s ‘hectic’ schedules that had made the teacher’s dinners so hard to nail down earlier. It was actually because Jongdae had his entire email system crash and had no idea when people were busy and weren’t because he lost all way of contacting them.

“We literally work with you,” Han is saying, leaning across the table into Jongdae’s defiant (but lightly blushing face). He flinches when Han flicks him softly in the forehead. “You can just walk down the hall and say ‘hey, are you free on Thursday?’ It’s that easy.”

In the end, it had been Han, who is somehow creepily good at gathering information, who had organized the next teachers’ dinner. And all of the subsequently ‘tentatively’ scheduled teachers’ dinners for the upcoming weeks. Two a month, because not everyone can come every week and it’s too long (apparently) to go longer without seeing everyone’s ‘beautiful faces’.

At least that’s what Han had told everyone when they’d carpooled over to The Star to get to Happy Hour so they could ‘let loose on their tight teacher wallets’.

“Not everyone has a corresponding schedule,” Jongdae mumbles (or Sehun thinks he mumbles). He says something else, but it’s hard to hear over the loud argument Kyungsoo and Yixing are having while Baekhyun interjects completely unhelpfully between the two right beside Sehun. They’ve been at it for the last ten minutes (while Baekhyun keeps giving Kyungsoo more drinks to ‘even the playing field’ against Yixing’s spiked Shirley temple) and Sehun is beginning to see why the theater department is so affluent, but also always scrambling.

It’s a larger group tonight. Since Han, one of the higher level science teachers, had taken over coordinating (because Jongdae left him out last time ‘like an asshole’), the group has expanded into many teachers Sehun has met, but doesn’t quite know. It’s a bit strange to be involved in a conversation with someone like they’re close friends when he’s not sure if the man in front of him is Jonghyun or Jinki.

Both of them do the elective courses, and aren’t often in the teacher’s room.

It’s more fun though, having a larger group that’s full and loud, driven mostly by Han’s friends who end up being a lot more fun than they present themselves in school. It means a louder table in the corner of the bar area, and more laughter over all.

It also means more drinks, which Sehun hadn’t expected, and he’s been nursing his beer for the last hour trying to keep out of Han’s watchful eye. As much as he’s been stressed and could probably do with a night to unwind, he doesn’t really feel like this is the time or place to do it, even if Han had said ‘everyone’ without room for question.

“But you can’t have Dongwoo,” Yixing is saying defensively, huffing at Kyungsoo beside Sehun as Baekhyun wraps a comforting arm around his husband (while grinning in clear amusement). “He’s the only one I can get to help out with the tech stuff for the musical in the spring!”

“There is no musical in the spring!” Kyungsoo retorts heatedly, for what feels like the tenth time. “Yixing! You already have all the music competitions to run and auditions and recordings and it’s the only time the drama department has full use of the theater facilities to do an actual production and you know how badly I’ve been wanting to do The Tempest with gender play castings, don’t act like you don't,” he finishes in a growl that has even Sehun blinking at him.

“Wait,” Baekhyun says, catching onto the conversation. “Do you mean the whole cast is switched or just-“

“Okay,” Yixing interrupts, and sighs, leaning closer to Kyungsoo. “Okay, okay, okay. But, what if-“ Kyungsoo visibly bristles “-we made it a musical version of The Tempest?”

“I think you lost, Yixing,” Sehun says, quickly leaning into the conversation before Kyungsoo can actually turn the same shade of red as his wine. “Honestly, to make any Shakespeare production into a full out musical isn’t the greatest idea. If anything, maybe you can work together on the musical elements in the play though?”

“There’s music in The Tempest?” Baekhyun asks, frowning.

“Heathens,” Kyungsoo grumbles, grabbing his wine and drinking the whole glass in one gulp. Sehun holds back a laugh, trying not to let his own expertise on Literature get in the way of remembering not everyone can recite sonnets. “All of you.”

“No, just Han,” Yixing says, and looks extremely pleased at his quip. Beside him, Baekhyun just grins and pats his shoulder, as if telling him good job, you tried, without actually having to sound condescending to his tipsy husband.

“There’s a lot of music in a variety of Shakespeare’s plays,” Sehun explains. “I bet it would help especially in The Tempest considering that the island the play is staged on is described to have a lot of music. The characters are shown to either be able to hear it or not and a lot of the characters sing. Like Ariel.”

“Sehun,” Yixing says, turning to him as Kyungsoo gives him a sort of betrayed look. “I like you so much. You’re such a nice person. Like, a wonderful person.”

“Thank you, I appreciate your saying so,” Sehun tells Yixing, nodding and patting Yixing on the hand as he tries to lean away from where Yixing is pressing into his space. “Go lean on your husband though. I’d like to keep my limbs intact.”

“Honestly, if I got jealous over every man my husband is affectionate with, I’d always be upset and our marriage would have fallen apart years ago,” Baekhyun says with a laugh. He doesn’t protest though as Yixing leans back into him, a pleased smile on his face as Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

“You two have only been married for three years,” Kyungsoo reminds.

“Our relationship then,” Baekhyun corrects. “Our relationship would have crashed and burned if I’d been the type to get up in arms if Yixing was too friendly with another person who isn’t me. As it is, I understand that I married a boomerang.”

“A handsome boomerang,” Yixing says, sitting up as their food finally arrives. “And I married a creative clown.”

“At least there will always be laughter in our marriage,” Baekhyun says and Sehun smiles at them, catching a smaller but definite smile on Kyungsoo’s face. “Unlike Kyungsoo’s, which- what is in yours?”

“Commitment,” Kyungsoo says flatly. “And sanity.” About two years ago, Sehun had shocked when Kyungsoo had announced to his group of friends that’d he’d be getting married when he and Sojin had only been dating for a year. Of course, they all liked Sojin, but they hadn’t really expected the relationship to be serious.

Sehun hadn’t realized when he’d introduced Sojin to Kyungsoo during a weekend when Sojin and Jinri had been up visiting for a skiing weekend that it would actually work.

It did though, and they’ve been oddly perfect for each other since Sehun had gone to the first wedding of his life and watched his friend find happiness in another person.

“Sehun,” Baekhyun calls, shaking his head as he picks through his French fries. “You’re the odd man out here.”

“Every group needs a single person to balance out the overwhelming couples,” Sehun shrugs, looking down at his dinner and wishing to just leave the conversation. Maybe talk to Jia and Amber, or finally pick Soojung’s brain about Yibo and see if she’d made any progress with his family or if he and Junmyeon will have to be giving the boy regular rides home.

“You’re single?” Baekhyun sounds so shocked, Sehun actually looks back up at him.

“Wait,” Soojung says. She’s sitting on Kyungsoo’s other side, and had been talking with Jonghyun animatedly about something but is suddenly turning to them. “I thought you were-“

“What?” Sehun asks, cutting her off with a frown.

“I thought you and-“ Soojung pauses, and then tilts her head to the side, a faint smile on her face. “You and Sunyoung aren’t-“

“She’s getting married,” Sehun says immediately, feeling oddly numb at the comment. Sunyoung is a lovely woman, fun and smart and a pleasure to work with, but- “Not to me. Her wedding is next year. Not to me. I just met her.” Kyungsoo is staring at him, and Sehun reaches out and takes a sip of water, ignoring his look.

“I’m sorry, I just- I had heard Junmyeon mention how you two got along so well and I thought-“ Soojung laughs, shaking her head. “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry.”

“I can pretend to be flattered,” Sehun tells her, sitting back and shrugging. “Honestly, it’s just kind of strange to think of her that way.” For more than a few reasons, ripples through Sehun’s mind before he takes another sip of water, swallowing the words down.

“I had a few students ask me if you two were dating, actually,” Jia adds, leaning around Soojung. “And then one that asked if Soojung and you were dating.”

“Are we?” Sehun asks Soojung as her eyes go wide and she turns to him. “You should have told me.” Soojung laughs, and shakes her head, casting him a mixed look. “Or did we already break up?”

“Sehun-“ Soojung says, still laughing as Jia smiles and watches them.

“I’m sorry, but I guess this isn’t working out, Soojung,” Sehun continues, the words pulling out of him fast and easy, over the twist in his chest. “It’s probably just not meant to be. I’m sorry.”

“Did you two just date and break up in the span of a minute?” Han asks, walking down to their end of the table with raised brows.

“I’m trying to set a record of shortest lasting relationship,” Sehun tells him evenly as Soojung rolls his eyes.

“Ah, so you’re competing against Junmyeon’s record,” Han laughs, and Sehun’s smile falters. Across from him, he sees Soojung’s face fall, looking up at Han with a sort of reproachful tilt to her lips.

“Han,” she warns as Sehun looks for the words to reply, to slip under, and finds none. “You shouldn’t talk about him here.”

“Where he can’t even defend himself,” Kyungsoo adds, and shares a look with Soojung.

“Then he can stop being such a stick in the mud and come to dinner next time,” Han says, and glances at Sehun. “I don’t think anyone can beat Junmyeon’s record though.”

“It’s not a record,” Kyungsoo says, with what sounds almost like a heavy sigh as he looks at Han. “You really should stop calling it that.”

“Is there something wrong with calling something what it is?” Han asks, and Sehun finds himself frowning along with Kyungsoo as he watches Han. “If Junmyeon were here, he’d own up to it.”

“Just to get you to shut up,” Kyungsoo says pointedly and Han at least has some sense to look a bit quieted.

“No one can get Han to shut up,” Jia pipes in, and grins at Han as he grimaces playfully at her. “It’s good though. That’s why we always make him do the presentations to the school during meetings. Makes it easier to throw him under the bus.”

“The sacrifices I make for all of you are done because I love you,” Han sighs. Turning to Sehun, his grin widens and he leans in. “And because Junmyeon tries to make jokes when he takes over the platform speeches.”

“Which aren’t funny,” Soojung says, her face relaxing and looking almost fond. “Despite what you think, Kyungsoo, Junmyeon still isn’t funny.”

“You liked his jokes once,” Kyungsoo says, and Sehun’s eyebrows raise as he watches Soojung laugh and a slight flush creeps over her cheeks.

“Once is a long time ago,” Soojung says. “Now I just laugh so he doesn’t worry.”

“Soojung, you are so kind,” Han tells her. “Seriously, it’s always a pleasure to have you at these dinners. I’ve missed you.”

“Someone has to balance you out,” Soojung teases, and laughs when Han gets a look of shocked hurt on his face. “I think Sehun and I will have to take over, now that Yesung is gone.”

“Sehun?” Han asks, turning to him again, a curiosity in his eyes that makes Sehun want to lean away. “No offense but you don’t really seem like the sweet and gentle type.”

“I think it’s open to interpretation,” Sehun tells him. He doesn’t know Han that well, mostly just catching him a few times in the teachers’ room during lunch or in the lunch room during supervision duty. Overall, Han doesn’t seem that bad, very friendly, teasing, somewhat intense, and he gets along well with the students. There hasn’t ever been a time when Sehun hadn’t felt comfortable talking with him, bantering usually within a conversation.

Now though, Sehun almost wishes Han would leave, something about him a bit on edge, and it makes Sehun’s jaw set.

“How is any statement begun with ‘no offense’ not actually offensive though?” Jongdae calls down the table, leaning into the conversation. “Han, you know better.”

“I didn’t mean offense!” Han protests, turning to Jongdae and looking miffed. “I was being sincere.”

“It’s a rare thing to see you sincere, Han,” Jia says, blinking up at him. “This should be documented.”

“See?” Han says, and lets out a loud sigh. “This is why we need Junmyeon here. So I don’t look like a dick for talking about his serial dating and he can make derisive comments about the one time I’m trying to be sincere.”

“Serial dating,” Sehun says quietly, frowning a bit as he stares at Han. Of all people Sehun might have looked at from the teaching staff, Junmyeon does not scream affinity with that term. Perhaps chaste until marriage but definitely not serial dating or, like Han has hinted at brief relationships.

Han, on the other hand, gives a very definite aura of are we dating or am I dating everyone? which is both unnerving, and oddly endearing.

“It’s not serial dating,” has Sehun turning, and he realizes then that he had actually said it aloud, and loud enough that someone (in this case Yixing) had heard him. Yixing is frowning, cheeks flushed as he looks at Sehun and his eyes swim with concern. “Junmyeon doesn’t serial date. He just has a thing where he dates a lot of people for short periods of time.”

“Xing, that’s what serial dating is,” Han says gently. “You’re drunk.”

“No, I’m tipsy,” Yixing corrects pointedly. “I’ve been monitored all evening.”

“You’re welcome,” Baekhyun chimes in before going back to his hamburger.

“I don’t really get the impression that Junmyeon would enjoy us all discussing his dating life when he’s not here to speak for himself,” Sehun says, wetting his lips and just wanting to go back to his dinner. It’s getting cold, just like the atmosphere, and Sehun just wants Baekhyun to go back to making inappropriate jokes about band instruments again.

There are plenty of people here now who do want to talk about their dating life. Sehun swallows, glancing at Baekhyun and Yixing, clearly happy together, and around the table, at plenty of others who can all take a turn and talk about their romances.

Sehun doesn’t want to talk about Junmyeon’s supposed dating life that isn’t relevant here. It’s hard to even remember how they got on this topic.

“What about you then?” Han asks, the tilt of his smile teasing.

And that’s a topic that Sehun really doesn’t want to go near. Looking up, Sehun draws in a forced gasp and slips on an affronted expression. “I just broke up with Soojung after a whirlwind one minute romance and you’re asking me about my dating life? Have a little heart, Han.”

Across from him, Kyungsoo lets out a soft snort into his plate, and Sehun catches his eye and trades him a small smile. Han bursts out laughing and finally steps back.

“Fine, fine,” he says, and though Soojung looks a bit taken aback at being brought up again, she also looks less tense. Sehun breathes out slowly. “I won’t push.”

“I appreciate your respect for my romantic privacy,” Sehun tells him, nodding solemnly as Han laughs again, returning to his chair beside Jongdae.

“Thank you,” Soojung tells him later after the plates are clear and they’re settling up the bill, her hand briefly resting against his wrist.

Blinking, Sehun turns to her with his bottom lip bit between his teeth, startled. “For what?” he asks, leaning in a bit to hear her over the clamor of the room.

Soojung just blinks, and startles a moment, before she shakes her head, smiling brightly and steps back, eyes bright and warm as she looks up at him. “Nothing,” she says, and she almost looks relieved as Sehun smiles at her. “Never mind.”

“You’re welcome,” Sehun tells her, and smiles himself, that soft feeling of discomfort smoothing a bit in his chest as Soojung’s smile widens warmly.

Sehun keeps his smile on his face until she’s turned away, called by Jia to take care of her bill, and only then does he let it falter and fade.

It’s gone when he steps out into the cold night air, turned from goodbyes and wishing that he’d just gone home to watch movies with Chanyeol and Jongin that night after all.

At least movie night is simple. It’s boring and repetitive, but Sehun never feels off and exposed to something he didn’t want to see. To things he didn’t want to know but which now nag at him.

“I have enough shit to worry about,” Sehun grumbles under his breath, and then stops in the middle of the sidewalk, realizing that they’d taken a carpool to dinner. That just left. “Shit.”

“Hey popsicle, how was dinner?” Chanyeol asks, pulling up about twenty minutes later with a sleepy Jongin in the front seat.

“Don’t talk to me,” Sehun grumbles, shuffling into the back seat and shivering as he slips into the warmth of the car. “I need to conserve all my energy to restoring feeling to my limbs.”

“Says the guy who stands out in the freezing cold for skiing races,” Chanyeol chuckles as Jongin throws him his coat from the front seat.

“That’s different,” Sehun chatters back. “At least in the races I have something to do. I can’t just run up and down the sidewalk here. I’ll look like an idiot.”

“Sehun, if they knew you, I’m sure they wouldn’t think anything of it,” Chanyeol says in the voice he’d learned in college that basically let him sound like a kind mentoring person while actually being an asshole.

Sehun kicks the back of his seat rather than reply, and closes his eyes, slipping down under Jongin’s jacket, focusing on getting warm and quieting his insistent thoughts of things he never wanted to know.


✦


It’s a lot like stage fright. The more that people stare, the more Sehun is on stage in nothing but his under armor and spandex, the more that he gets used to the feeling of being hot and freezing at the same time, the less horrific it is.

It’s also like stage fright in that the more that Sehun gets on his skis for every race, the more he enjoys it. It becomes more thrilling, more invigorating, rewarding with every race.

“You ready for today?” Jinri asks, slumped over the back of her seat with her arms dangling into Sehun’s space. “Coach says you’re racing third.”

“Of course he’s ready,” Jongin scoffs. “He’s been practicing with Taemin since Monday.”

“That's because Taemin sucks,” Sehun grumbles, but he glances over at Taemin in the seat opposite them anyway, wondering if he’d heard him.

It’s less that Taemin sucks and more that Sehun has been trying to seriously practice for this relay and Taemin just thinks it’s funny to not cooperate and instead be infuriating. This race isn’t exactly the qualifying race for states, but it is one of the important races, at least according to Minho.

“Well, he’s racing ahead of you, so you just have to deal with it,” Jongin tells him, and not for the first time his voice is clipped. Jongin is going to be starting on the other boys section of the race, teamed up with Kyuhyun, as his next skier. Kyuhyun, unlike Minho, isn’t nearly as driven to make sure they can tag off properly.

Though Sehun thinks Jongin would just rather race with him and Chanyeol rather than have to start for his group. That’s the one thing Sehun is glad of: that Chanyeol is their starter rather than him.

“He doesn’t take racing seriously,” Sehun grumbles anyway, glancing over at where Taemin is laughing at something Chanyeol is playing on his guitar. “It’s so annoying, why did Coach put him on a race team if he doesn’t care?”

“Because we’re all supposed to race, princess,” Jinri snorts, and Sehun scowls at her when she tries to ruffle his hair. “Lighten up. It’ll be fun! Plus, the race is only a two K so it should great for sprints.”

“You’re forgetting about Old Jo,” Minho says, slipping into the seat behind Sehun and Jongin. Sehun jumps, turning around quickly to find Minho smiling almost tauntingly before he slips back down into his seat.

Jongin is frowning. “What’s Old Jo?”

“Only the second largest hill on the race courses aside from our States’ course,” Minho says nonchalantly as Sehun’s stomach drops.

“What?” Sehun had been looking forward to this race all week. Now? Maybe not so much.

It’s worse because he’s tagging off with Minho to finish for their group. So if he sucks, it’ll bring down the whole team and Minho might hate him.

“You’ll be fine,” Minho says. “Just remember to breathe.” Jinri snorts as Minho grins and reaches forward to ruffle both Jongin and Sehun’s hair. “And, you know, don’t screw up. Because then I’ll have to punish you.”

“Punish?” Sehun squeaks, as Jongin slips down and nearly out of the bus seat with a petulant frown.

“On the bus ride back,” Minho laughs, and Sehun’s stomach flip flops about like the pancakes he had for breakfast. “So don’t make us lose. Ski your hardest.”

“Don’t look so scared, he’s just poking fun at you because you’re such an easy target,” Jinri tells Sehun when Minho moves off, dragged away by Sojin.

“That’s because Sehun’s so much fun to tease,” Taemin calls, slipping into Minho’s vacated place behind them. Sehun frowns, leaning away before Taemin can try to ruffle his hair too, and scowling at him.

“Don’t touch me,” Sehun grumbles, and yelps when Taemin launches into his and Jongin’s seat to tackle him, laughing as Jongin squawks and Sehun gets Taemin’s elbow in his ear and it is not okay.

“Get off me!”

“Break it up!” shouts from the front of the bus, their Coach’s stern voice shocking through all of them and Sehun stiffens even as his pulse burns hot, trying to shove Taemin off.

Taemin is still trying not to laugh when Jongin and Sehun shove him back into his seat, Jongin laughing a bit and Sehun glowering. “Asshole,” Sehun grumbles.

“Hey, you need to rely on me today,” Taemin tells him, and doesn’t leave his seat. “I’m the one going before you, remember? And you can’t start your race until I tag you.” Sehun turns, tuning him out and leaning against the window side of the bus. The metal is cool from the cold outside, the glass frosted and it burns frigid against Sehun’s cheek. “Hey.”

“Whatever,” Sehun grumbles, shoving off Taemin’s hand roughly when it lands on his shoulder. The hand comes back, holding harder and Sehun jerks, turning sharply to snap and freezes when he sees Chanyeol’s concerned face, backing off very quickly. Swallowing down the sudden rush of guilt, Sehun freezes. “Sorry.”

“You okay?” Chanyeol asks, and this time Sehun doesn’t jerk away when Chanyeol lays his hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

“Yeah,” Sehun lies, trying to push down the crawl of worms he doesn’t really know why he has. Taemin is always a jerk, even if he’d gotten better at not being a jerk, he’s still a jerk. “I’m fine.”

“Ignore Taemin,” Chanyeol says gently, and tries to smile. “He’s just being a dick so he doesn’t have to think about the race.”

Sehun snorts. Taemin kind of makes it impossible for Sehun to ignore him. Across the aisle on the bus, Taemin and Jongin are squashed together, both talking about something and laughing and Sehun frowns.

It doesn't make sense to him that Taemin is nice to Jongin but such a dick to him. Sure, Sehun might not have been the friendliest to Taemin, but that’s mostly because Taemin acts like it’s his job in life to push his buttons.

“Whatever,” Sehun sighs, and turns back to rest his cheek on the window. “Are you gonna be okay?”

“With the race?” Chanyeol asks, sitting back in the seat and leaning over so their shoulders rest together. “Probably. Mass starts aren’t so bad once you’ve done at least one. They’re more exciting, and you don’t feel like everyone is staring at you.”

“I thought that would be the downside of it for you,” Sehun teases, and smiles as Chanyeol snorts. He squeaks a moment later when Chanyeol pinches his side, wiggling away and laughing as Chanyeol grins, poking him in the side playfully.

“Twenty minutes!” shouts from the front of the bus, and Sehun chokes down breathless laughter as Chanyeol pulls away.

At first, it had shocked Sehun into bright red cheeks and fearful looks when he’d found out the team, the whole team, gets changed on the bus before arriving at the race area. Usually the boys grab all their stuff and shift about five seats up, leaving the girls the back of the bus while they change.

But then it had just kind of turned into a bit of a free for all, and Sehun sometimes just ends up seeing more of people than he wanted to in the first place. It’s not hard to miss the looks some of the girls will sneak, and it’s definitely not hard to catch the boys making a few comments (though most of them are too busy complaining about how their boxers bunch up under the spandex).

“Next race,” Taemin sighs, struggling into his leggings in the seat beside Sehun. “I swear I’m just gonna wear briefs.”

“Panties would work better,” Jongin says, and Sehun nearly falls out of his seat as Kyuhyun bursts out laughing. Glancing up at his best friend in the seat across from him, Jongin’s cheeks are burning pink and he looks almost traumatized that he’d actually said that out loud while Chanyeol beside him looks a mix between amused and incessantly curious.

“You let us know how racing in panties goes, Jongin, and we’ll all take notes for our own choices,” Minho laughs, tugging off his sweatshirt, his undershirt riding up and flashing his hard toned abs. Sehun looks away, tugging his leggings up and grimacing when his boxers do indeed bunch up uncomfortably. His throat sticks.

Jongin mumbles something, and Chanyeol laughs loudly.

“Hey.”

Sehun looks up, and immediately frowns when he sees Taemin leaning over the back of his seat, shirtless and grinning like an the asshole he is. “We okay?”

“No,” Sehun tells him bluntly, and then falters at the strange look that briefly flashes over his face. “Are you going to actually race or just dick around?”

“I was always going to race,” Taemin tells him, and looks slightly taken aback. Then he laughs, and straightens up. “You’re just so much fun to tease. Do you have any idea of all the ways your face moves? It’s hilarious.”

“Lay off,” Sehun tells him sharply, irritation spiking again.

“Hey,” comes Minho’s sharp voice, and Sehun’s throat tightens as he turns to their team captain. Minho isn’t laughing, but he’s not frowning. He just looks serious. Serious with his shirt half off and in the skin tight black leggings he uses just for racing.

Sehun locks his jaw, keeping his eyes on his captain’s face respectfully even as his stomach burns in irritation and the feeling of being called out.

“I was just-“

“Leave it for after the race,” Minho says firmly, his eyes flickering to Taemin. “Then we can fool around. We don’t need to go into this all jazzed up and pissed at each other. This is a team race. We need to work together, and that means not fighting and being assholes before the start. Got it?”

Sehun ducks his head, frowning and feeling too warm, his chest burning in embarrassment and annoyance. It wasn’t even him that did anything wrong, it was Taemin, and yet he’s still getting yelled at. He breathes out hotly, biting his lip and blinking back frustration as he hastily drags his shirt over his head.

There isn’t another word from Taemin, and Sehun makes a point not to look at him or go near him for the rest of the bus ride, even if he can feel Taemin watching him and hear him try to goad him into conversation.

It’s not until they’re out on the arena, Sehun’s coat doing little to keep him warm when his legs have nothing to protect them against the cold when he’s in just spandex, that Taemin blocks him. “Hey, Mr. pouts.”

“Go away,” Sehun can feel the same insistent heat, wanting to just get away and get his race bib and-

“I’m sorry.” The look on Taemin’s face indicates he doesn’t like saying he’s sorry, but he’s doing it anyway. “Can you stop now?”

“You’re not sorry,” Sehun tells him hotly, frowning and finally facing him. “If you were really sorry, you’d just stop. It’s not funny.”

“It kind of is,” Taemin tries, mouth curling up in a teasing smile.

“Not to me,” Sehun tells him harshly.

“Okay,” Taemin says.

“Okay what?” Sehun doesn’t have time for this. Chanyeol is lining up for the mass start with Hyukjae and Sehun wants to be there to cheer him on with Jongin and support his friend. Chanyeol is way more important than Taemin is.

“Okay, I’ll try to stop.”

“Trying isn’t actually stopping,” Sehun tells him, frowning and feeling his irritation burn hotter at Taemin’s somewhat indignant expression. Like Sehun is the one being the problem, not him. Which is total bullshit.

For a moment, Sehun thinks Taemin is going to say something when he pushes past him, walking towards the starting area where his skis and poles are. He doesn’t though, and it’s almost worse, like Taemin is just going to bide his time to mess with him.

The race whistle blows and Sehun’s mood plummets.

“You okay?” Jinri asks, noticing the glower on Sehun’s face as he finally gets to the start. He’s already missed the mass start, and he can see Jongin getting antsy for when he has to race after tagging off with Chanyeol once the first racers get back from their loop.

“Fine,” Sehun says, and closes his eyes, pushing down the irritation. It doesn’t mix well with the typical race anxiety, and he shakes his head to clear his mind. It helps a little. Not much, but a little. “I’m fine.”

“Hey.” Sehun’s stomach writhes, watching the racers line up as a familiar arm slips around his shoulders, heavy and as comforting as it is nerve-wracking. “Just ignore him.”

“Easy for you to say,” Sehun sighs under his breath, hanging his head and not looking at Minho when the senior steps up to his side and loops him into a side hug. “He’s not badgering you all the time.”

“He can’t make you ski a bad race,” Minho says, and taps his fingers against Sehun’s jacket sleeve, against his arm. Even through the thick material, Sehun can feel his fingers. “Only you can really make sure you ski a bad race or not. It’s not you and Taemin out there, it’s you against you, and only you. Forget about him.”

“But-“

“Just don’t forget about yourself,” Minho tells him, and when Sehun accidentally looks up, the warmth in Minho’s smile makes his stomach knot uncomfortably. “Or me, because, you know, I need you to tag off so I can finish our race.”

It startles a nervous laugh out of Sehun. He doesn’t feel entirely better, in many ways worse, but it kind of helps. Minho is trying, and Sehun is grateful, and warmer and… “I promise, I won’t forget you,” he says, and swallows down the tightness in his throat before it can choke him.

Minho is the captain. He mentors all the skiers, helping them out and making sure they’re okay. Sehun has watched him do it for all the boys. Jongin when he gets frustrated with his technique, Chanyeol when he’s tired and looks like he’s struggling. Even Taemin in the rare moments Sehun has caught the captain stopping by the sophomore to give him a leg up.

Sehun isn’t special. Sehun doesn’t mean anything. Sehun is just…

Scared.

Minho laughs, and pulls away to ruffle his hair, a fond look on his face as Sehun bows into the touch unintentionally. His stomach clenches uncomfortably and he bites down on his tongue hard. “I knew you were my favorite,” Minho laughs, and Sehun tries not to blush when he smiles.

Sehun is just… Sehun.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Minho tells him, and steps away to go and get his bib from where Song Qian is standing with their coach and holding their equipment.

Sehun can only nod, standing with his legs freezing and toes slightly numb despite his thick socks and feeling too hot and too cold and too nervous and too excited for the race. And everything else.

“Okay,” he says quietly, even though no one else can hear him except himself. “If you say so.”


❉


In one week, the whole team is going to be going up to the Nordic center at Monarch and taking the day to properly learn skiing in a real course area. In one week, Junmyeon will be taking the alpine team up to Monarch and drilling them on the hills and race courses for slalom the whole day.

It had been a long conversation between all of the coaches and assistant coaches about how to approach the day (Junmyeon relented to a Saturday, that he would ‘share’ with Sehun) with regards to the alpine team members who were on Nordic.

It had ended up in a draw, with Junmyeon finally saying “I’ll think about it” after almost two hours of conversation over specifics and Sehun had almost missed lasagna night.

While the team has been doing steadily better on classic since they got snow, this week had seen a warm spell, which meant not enough snow for the tracks and very wound up kids.

Solution?

“Mr. Oh!” shouts Jeongguk from one of the far benches, his voice bordering on a panicked shriek and stressfully force calm.

“Yes?” Sehun asks, and steps away from helping Sooyoung iron wax into the tips of her skis.

“Is it supposed to smoke when we do this?” Jeongguk yelps, and holds up his waxing iron with a sort of terrified look on his face.

“No,” Sehun says quickly, and pulls back when Jeongguk makes to hand him the iron. “Put it down, Jeongguk, so I can pick it up.”

Jeongguk realizes what he’s done, and quickly stoops to put the waxing iron down on the tarp covered floor so Sehun can figure out what’s going on.

The solution to the team too wound up to properly do anything remotely useful outside when there’s still some snow (and the very real temptation of a snowball fight) was to run a full waxing demo. It’s actually perfect, great for the boys who absorb it like a sponge (in the back of Sehun’s mind is flashing “tactile learners!” in neon) and the girls who appear to understand the importance of not burning each other far better than the boys.

The downside of a waxing demo is that this time, everyone is waxing both of their skis, sharing waxing benches and tools, and there are six waxing irons just waiting to cause severe burns. So far, only Yugyeom had managed to burn his fingers on a small piece of wax (that Jaebum had stupidly given him to use instead of a full brick of wax).

Just like snow consistency changes with temperature, Nordic skis are waxed to maximize their glide according to the temperature. Warmer snow, wetter and stickier, requires a softer wax that will easily glide over it. Cold temperatures with fine ice crystals and powder do better with a harder wax, sliding through the snow quickly.

As Sehun has no idea when the next snow will be (though it’s forecast for the weekend), a good waxing demo on a medium temperature wax ends up being the best solution. With the special waxing irons set up and explained by himself, Sunyoung, and finally Seokjin, the team had set to work.

“Who set this iron?” Sehun asks, frowning as he looks at the temperature setting, stuck at least fifty degrees hotter than it should be.

“Uh,” Jeongguk says, and his eyes flash around the room before he bites his lip. “I don’t know? I just took the bench after-“ he stops himself and pulls a very exaggerated face. “I don’t remember.”

“Okay.” It’s easier to just get to the issue rather than get name calling going. Jeongguk isn’t the type to tattle (unlike Jimin or Sooyoung) and Sehun is more concerned for who scorched their skis earlier. “Do you see the wax?” Jeongguk holds up his pink brick of wax. “That’s for a specific temperature. We set the irons to temperatures for that wax so it irons into the ski easily and doesn’t hurt the ski or burn the wax. We just want to melt it into the bottom, not set stuff on fire.”

Jeongguk flat out giggles at him, and Sehun assumes this means progress.

“Got it?” Sehun asks, clicking down the dial on the iron for Jeongguk before he puts the iron back on the floor.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk says.

“And you know the steps?” Sehun asks, lingering before he moves on to the other skiers.

“Yep!” Jeongguk says. “And Jimin promised to teach me if I screwed up.”

“Alright.” Keeping an eye on Jeongguk as he goes back to his skis, Sehun takes a moment to make sure he’s ironing in the wax correctly. Most of the other skiers have already finished, moving onto their second pair of skis (classic) and doing some strength exercises.

So far, most of the team has done a good job with the ironing part of waxing. Carefully holding the wax to the iron surface and dripping it onto the bottom of the ski (clamped to a waxing bench), they understand the concept and practice of ironing in the wax to the ski. Taehyung had happily chirped it was like ironing curtains and gotten a few strange looks (Sehun tried not to wonder out loud why Taehyung ironed curtains in the first place). But that was the basic concept.

The second part is where the team struggled a bit. After waiting (which is a struggle for literally everyone. Sehun isn’t deluded enough to think adults aren’t just as impatient as kids. Jongin is a perfect example of that), they had to scrape the wax off the skis.

This is pretty easy in concept, using one of the hard plastic SWIX scrapers, angling the edge against the waxed surface of the ski, and dragging down, scraping up the excess wax. The practice (for some of the team) was a battle to not completely gouge the skis. It had been somewhat horrifying to find out even the older members weren’t as familiar with the ‘do not destroy the ski when you wax it’ concept.

After scraping as much wax as possible off the ski, the rest was easy. Clean out the groove with a dog bone (a special scraper shaped similarly to a dog bone, using the rounded edge to scrape the groove) and then ‘brush the skis.’

The brushes are similar to shoe brushes, though with special bristles just for Nordic skis. And of course, the whole team seized the opportunity to make the entire thing as inappropriate as possible.

“You need to rub harder,” had started it when Jackson had been mentoring Yugyeom. Jackson, of course, had looked extremely pleased with his comment and Yugyeom’s confused face before he burst out laughing, turning to anyone who would laugh with him and slapping them to join in appreciating how hilariously suggestive he was.

It had then developed into as many variations as possible.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Hoseok is saying, voice intentionally pitched lower as he leans way too close to Jimin and grins at Jimin’s beet red face. “Rub it out real nice and good.”

“I swear to God,” Hwasa says, stopping as she brushes out her ski and raising her brush to (potentially) beat Hoseok with. “The joke was funny once. Now it’s just annoying.”

“I still think it’s funny,” Taehyung adds, walking by with his classic skis and setting one up on the opposite side of the bench as Jimin.

“Yeah, and you think when Jeongguk can blow bubbles of spit off his tongue it’s the coolest thing in the world,” Hwasa scoffs, turning back to her ski.

“It is cool!” Taehyung defends, standing up and looking indignant at Hwasa’s never ending eye roll. “I bet you can’t blow spit bubbles off your tongue!”

“What else can Jeongguk do with his tongue?” asks Jimin, immediately turning to Hoseok to apparently try to share a ‘wow suggestive hilarity’ comment with him. Hoseok just gives him a distasteful look and steps away from him.

“That was uncalled for, Jimin,” Hoseok tells him, and feigns retching on Jimin’s ski. “Disgusting. What if he heard you? Such language.” Hoseok exaggeratedly pulls another face and Sehun bites down a laugh.

“You’re one to talk!” Sooyoung snorts, stepping up beside Hwasa. “Aren’t you the one that started all of this?”

“Just go back to waxing and make sure to get those skis nice and smooth,” Sehun chimes in, walking past them and throwing them a pointed look. They all stare, Sehun keeping his face as straight as he possibly can. “What?” he asks, and then turns to continue doing rounds around the equipment room.

Behind him, he hears Hoseok snort into poorly suppressed laughter, doubling over and Sehun glances back to see utter glee on his face.

“Don’t encourage them,” Sungyoung tells him, stepping up to him a moment later and her arms crossed over her chest.

“They have to get it out somehow,” Sehun says quietly, shrugging as he looks over the team. He can see Hoseok leaning over Taehyung and saying what looks like “rub it in, rub it in” into his ear as Taehyung giggles with the frequency of a bass machine. “Might as well be here and not class.”

“Still,” Sunyoung says, though her mouth twitches in amusement.

“As long as I don’t have foul language, they can explore the versatility of language and it’s many uses as much as they want,” Sehun sighs. “It’s creative development. I haven’t even heard some of the ones they’ve been using today.”

“This is so stupid,” Sehun overhears Yerim sigh, stepping back from her ski in frustration. “Can’t we just spray the skis or something to make them go faster?”

“What you’re really making is the wax absorb into the ski base,” Sehun tells her, stepping closer. “The whole point of rubbing the wax into the ski is to make sure you get the best glide when you’re on the snow.” The worst part, Sehun realizes as soon as he’s explained this, is how Jackson is staring at him like Sehun has just spewed every piece of profanity known to man.

“My arms hurt,” Yerim grumbles, but goes back to brushing out her ski anyway.

“I know a few ways you can get stronger,” Hyeri teases and then quails under Sehun’s pointed look. “Push ups! Lots of push ups!”

“How thoughtful of you,” Sehun tells her dryly, and Hyeri gives him a shaky smile before turning back to her ski quickly.

Really, it only gets worse after that (mostly because the boys can’t seem to find it hilarious to tell each other “yeah, baby, rub it just like that” over and over), and Sehun grimaces as the end of practice comes and goes.

“Wrap it up!” Sehun shouts over the room, mostly done with a few of the older and more experienced waxers packing up to leave. “Finish waxing and clean up!”

“Why?” Taehyung asks, stopping by as he puts away the waxing tools he’d been using.

“Because I want to go home and eat,” Sehun tells him flatly.

“Is that what teacher’s really do after school?” Taehyung asks him, squinting as if he’s not sure if Sehun is telling the truth or not.

“Yah, not everyone is an alien, TaeTae,” Hoseok laughs, slipping over to pull Taehyung into a headlock and lead him off. “Have a good night, Mr. Oh!” he calls, before wrestling with a laughing Taehyung out the door.

It’s an hour after usual practice end when Sehun finally gets the equipment room cleaned up, Jaebum staying late to help him out with the tarps with Seulgi before they’d gone home together. Sehun lets his eyes linger on them, the way they chat and smile with each other, getting along so well with Seulgi laughing at Jaebum’s awkward jokes.

He smiles to himself, turning back to grab his own work bag before heading out, locking the door. Sunyoung had left earlier, and Sehun sighs as he steps into the almost twilight and bitter cold.

“Shit.”

Tonight was supposed to be a fun night for the house. Jongin and Chanyeol are pretty good in all honestly. As much as Sehun had initially thought it would be weird when Taemin moved out, just living with the couple, it’s been fine. Sure, there are awkward moments when Sehun feels distinctly like a third wheel or over exposed to their relationship, but it’s not as bad as some couples could be. And Chanyeol and Jongin are first and foremost his friends, and they care.

Tonight was supposed to be a night the three of them went out. The plans had gotten garbled during the day, Chanyeol wanting to go out and Jongin wanting to stay and Sehun missing texts in between.

Of course, Sehun immediately regrets not checking his phone before going home when he walks into the apartment and finds his roommates on top of each other in the living room. It’s not like Sehun hasn’t seen it before, Jongin and Chanyeol trading kisses and touches as part of their everyday lifestyle.

It’s just usually they’re wearing shirts and Sehun doesn’t have to see-

“Oh my God.” Jongin is the first one to notice, Sehun already backing out of the room with his hand over his face.

Somehow, even after the time he’d walked in on them having sex in college in a way Sehun didn’t even know you could have sex, it’s still like being slapped in the face whenever he’s in this situation.

“Fine!” Sehun calls, accidentally backing into the wall as he tries to retreat. “My bad. Should have checked my phone.”

“Shit, Sehun-“

Peeking through his fingers, they’re already half decent, Jongin tucked under a blanket with his face bright red and Chanyeol holding down laughter. “You know, you'd think after almost ten years I’d be used to this but I still-“ Sehun takes in a deep breath.

“We thought –“

“We’ll talk later,” Sehun says, and sighs, running his hand through his hair. “I’m- I need to go out for a drink anyway. You have the house to yourselves, just-“ He swallows, feeling warm with embarrassment and hearing Chanyeol’s soft laughter. “Please move it off the couch. I sit there on a regular basis.”

It’s easier to leave before they try to make him stay. It’s not often that this happens, where the schedules crash and Sehun accidentally stumbles in on one of their ‘couple nights’ and comes home to his roommates furiously making out half naked on the couch. But it happens.

Almost every time, Sehun finds it a much easier solution to just get a drink. It’s also almost every time that Sehun ends up on the phone as he walks hastily through the cold listening to the call ring out.

“Sehun?”

“Hey,” Sehun tries to sound casual, even as his voice shakes from walking so fast. “What are you up to tonight?”

“Were they screwing in the kitchen again?” Minseok chuckles, and Sehun coughs out a laugh, the knowing tone from Minseok making it easier.

“Living room,” Sehun corrects and allows himself a smile. “And not quite to screwing, but if I’d been a few minutes later-“

“Say no more,” Minseok laughs. “I could use a few drinks after today, actually, I’m glad you called.”

Apparently, Minseok’s school has been running a new integration program. It’s got good intentions, but the organization of the rotation system is chaos among the actual teachers. Students get lost, classes get confused, and today apparently Minseok had both his coordinating teacher break down on him and one student have a full on meltdown in the classroom during silent reading time.

“Remind me why I decided to teach fifth grade instead of first this year?” Minseok sighs, sitting back at his seat with a tired stretch.

“Less potty accidents,” “Sehun suggests. He’s not serious, but Minseok knows that and laughs anyway, slowly unwinding. “Plus, it’s much easier to get fifth graders to line up without too much crying than it is first graders.”

“When did they all get so tall though?” Minseok asks, shaking his head and squinting at Sehun. “I swear, they make kids younger and taller every year.”

“It’s to keep us on our toes,” Sehun tells him, tipping back his second drink. He feels softer, warmer and more relaxed, the essays from his sophomores much less agonizing to go through. Of course, Sehun has to keep from writing what he really wants to say in the margins, but so far the essays are much better than last time.

Or Sehun is a little drink.

Probably both.

“You could just move out.” When Sehun looks up, Minseok is staring at him with a small frown, eyes somewhere around his collarbone. “I mean, Taemin did. And you could easily hold your own. In your own place. A house. Or something.”

“And here I was thinking you were asking me to be your roommate,” Sehun sighs, wanting to laugh but it doesn’t come. He’s been living with Chanyeol and Jongin since university. To leave feels…

“No way,” Minseok laughs. “You have zero respect for fabric softener. You’re not allowed in my house.”

“That’s because you don’t actually need fabric softener,” Sehun sighs, so tempted to roll his eyes at his friend. “Look, you just need the clothes to be clean, right?”

“I can’t believe we are still having this conversation.”

“Why does it need to be extra soft when it’s fine already,” Sehun continues to mumble, poking in the water puddle from the condensation on his glass. “It’s just the most redundant thing. And you buy the detergent that already has fabric softener in it already, so there’s literally not reason to use fabric softener in the dryer as well.”

“Sehun.”

“I’m just saying,” Sehun mumbles, turning back to Minseok with a noncommittal look.

“You’re dead to me,” Minseok tells him lightly, and laughs when Sehun rolls his eyes.

“Whatever, I’m not moving out,” Sehun says, the words just slipping off his tongue even as his stomach turns slightly in discomfort. “At least, not yet.”

They’ve talked about this, Sehun bringing it up to both Chanyeol and Jongin about how they might be happier if he left, if he let them have their own space. Without him. It makes him feel off, like he can’t be the one bringing it up even if he’s the only one who has the balls to talk about it in the first place.

It would be easier. Then he wouldn’t come home to them and they’d have their own space. And Sehun would have his.

Alone.

You have to grow up sometime, Sehun. You can’t depend on other people to take care of you forever.

Sehun frowns, closing his eyes from the loud noise of the bar and the lights that feel too dim, giving him a headache as he strains to hear and see.

“I am an adult,” Sehun tells the voice that swims in his head, not realizing he’d said it aloud until Minseok touches his shoulder.

“Sehun,” Minseok tells him. “You’re fine.”

“I know,” Sehun tells him, the confidence in his voice false but it helps. “I’ve always been fine.”

“Even that time you fell off the chairlift?”

“That was totally your fault,” Sehun tells him, trying to push down the memory of how he’d fallen off the chairlift the first time Minseok took him out while screaming. At least the lift attendant had been amused. “I’m still traumatized by that.”

“Too traumatized to come up this year?” Minseok asks him, eyes hinting with a flicker Sehun knows too well.

“That depends,” Sehun hedges.

Every year, right around the New Year, Minseok hosts a huge group of people up at one of the local ski areas, most everyone pooling resources to pay for a huge ski house condo to crash in for three days or so. It’s fun, and Sehun has gone the past few years, getting slowly better at skiing and meeting new friends alike. Chanyeol and Jongin usually go, and sometimes a few of the other skiers from Sehun’s high school days along with Minseok’s usual group.

“We have room,” Minseok tells him. “And I finally got Changmin and Kyuhyun to cave and they’re coming too. So you and your Nordic friends can go play for a drop day while we conquer the mountain. Plus, the more people, the less you pay.”

“And sleep on the floor,” Sehun reminds of his first year on the trip.

“Nah, you get a bed,” Minseok chuckles, finishing his drink and sitting back. “I’ve got it pretty much completely figured out that everyone has a bed. And you’re a returning member, so you’re promised a real bed this time.”

“I’m holding you too that,” Sehun grumbles, but allows a smile at Minseok’s grinning face.

“So you’re in?”

“I don’t have anything else to do over the Holiday break, I may as well make sure Taemin doesn’t try to jump off the roof again,” Sehun shrugs. “I could probably do with a change of pace.”

A break from school, from coaching, from the pressure of the school and the kids and the meaningful looks Chanyeol will throw him at least once a week now. Sehun could use a break, a weekend of just playing up North with Minseok and the gang (of typically almost thirty people).

It’d probably do him good.

“I knew you’d see the light eventually,” Minseok says with a smile. “And it’ll be nice. I have a few new people this year. Taemin is bringing his girlfriend and that friend of yours is coming too.”

Frowning, and turning from where he’d drifted back to his essays, Sehun shakes his head, trying to figure what Minseok is talking about. “A friend of mine?”

“That other teacher,” Minseok clarifies.

“Minseok, I work with over one hundred teachers, you’re going to need to be more specific,” Sehun tells him. “Let’s start with the easy parts. Was it a man or a woman?”

Minseok clicks his tongue, one tease away from shoving Sehun, and Sehun grins, finally finishing the last of his drink. It slides down warm into his belly to curl up through him, smoothing out the rough edges that had begun to build up over the year.

“That other skier,” Minseok says. “The guy from the ski sale.”

If Sehun had still been finishing his drink, he would have choked. As it is, he just coughs, that warm feeling sharpening suddenly as he stares at Minseok. “Junmyeon?”

“Yeah,” Minseok says, and looks almost pleased with himself. “He and I got chatting the other day in the store and he’s pretty chill.” You have no idea how ‘chill’ he is, flashes through Sehun’s mind as he keeps his mouth sealed shut. “I asked him if he’d like to join and he’s in.”

“Oh,” Sehun says, the warmth from the alcohol twisting into something different.

“He seems nice,” Minseok muses, not looking at him. Sehun swallows. “And he used to race too.”

Blinking, Sehun looks back up. “He did?”

“Yeah,” Minseok says, and laughs at the confused frown on Sehun’s face. “Said he was just like me, almost an Olympic qualifier. I thought you knew.”

Sitting up a bit and turning back to his drink, Sehun scoffs, feeling his stomach twist tighter. “Of course, I knew. I was just testing you.”

“Bull shit,” Minseok laughs.

“Whatever,” Sehun grumbles. Slipping his fingers along the cool side of his empty glass Sehun wonders, not for the first time, about Junmyeon. “I’m glad you’ve made a friend, Minseok. I know how hard that is for you.”

“Brat,” Minseok scolds affectionately.

“Only to you,” Sehun tells him. “Because I care so much. It’s my duty to remind you that your students are still going to be brats not matter how old they are in life, and you’ll always be older than them and doing stupid things like putting extra fabric softener in your laundry.”

“And you’ll always be the kid who gets sexiled from his dorm room by his two best friends,” Minseok throws back.

“That hurt,” Sehun tells him, squinting. “That went deep, man. I ache.”

“Get a boyfriend,” Minseok laughs. “Then maybe you won’t be the odd man out and can show Chanyeol and Jongin what it’s like when they-“

“Stop,” Sehun tells him, the warm curling gone, tightening in his gut.

“It’s okay to find someone else,” Minseok tells him gently. “Not everyone-“

“I know,” Sehun cuts him off, and forces a smile over his face. “I know.”


❉


There are good things and bad things about teaching. Usually, the rewards far out weight the bad moments, the feeling of pride at watching students succeed. It’s a position where the results aren’t just on paper, they’re sitting in chairs and slowly developing, learning, and growing. The success isn’t if one person did a good job, but if the class understands the lesson and is using the concepts correctly.

The success is when Yugyeom finally understands what idioms are and begins using them all the time.

The success is Yerim finally writing a perfectly organized five paragraph essay with no fragmented sentences.

The reward is watching Yibo submit a project and ask to present it to the class on The Odyssey and his interpretation of what ‘a hero’ means to him.

But then there are hard days, days when students just don’t want to be there, when Sehun can’t feel like he’s reaching them, and they struggle and he watches and tries to help. There are days when Sehun feels like he’s failed, and it’s worse than any exam he’s ever flunked because it’s not a paper or an assessment that he did badly on, it’s another person that is depending on him.

There are really hard days, when Sehun is suddenly in way over his head and realizes that even after years of preparing and studying and trying to get better, he has no idea what he’s doing.

There are days like today, where Sehun had tried to stop Donghyun from swearing at a few of the other students and threatening them. Sehun had tried to get control of the class back, send Donghyun to the office, and Donghyun had thrown his desk across the room at him.

There are days like today, when Sehun is both suddenly scared he’d can’t do this, where a student suddenly comes at him and in a second he has to force himself from reacting and hurting Donghyun.

There are days like today that Sehun gets punched in the jaw before he can manage to restrain Donghyun, where half his class is yelling, and when Jia bursts into the room with wide worried eyes.

There are days that Sehun fails, and he’s not sure if he’s the one that caused the break, or if this is something that has just been brewing, and he’s the outlet.

“Take a break,” Jia tells him once Kangin has come to the room with the help of Siwon and Minwoo to get Donghyun down to the disciplinary office. “I’ll call one of the Ed. Techs down.”

“I’m fine,” Sehun tells her, still shaken slightly and looking over his class. Half of them look startled, most of them slightly scared, and a few already have their phones out, texting friends.

Sehun can already imagine the texts. The texts and the phone calls from home.

“Sehun,” Jia begins, frowning at him as she pokes him in the forming bruise from where Donghyun had hit him.

“I’ll be okay,” Sehun tells her, and smiles shakily, trying to keep himself calm. It doesn’t matter what happens, or how scared Sehun is, being in the classroom isn’t about him. It’s about the kids all looking at him and waiting for him to tell them it’s okay, that they’re safe. “We’re all okay, right? No one else is gonna throw a desk? We can cross that off of our to do list for this year?”

“I didn’t know we had a to do list,” Chansik says, his voice joking but he still looks a bit shaken. “What else is on there?”

“A poetry recital,” Sehun tells the class, tone serious and as much as his usual self as he can be after having a student come at him. It gets him a few smiles, a few laughs, and Jimin groaning loudly from the back.

“I vote we not finish this list,” Jimin groans, slipping down in his chair in the back.

“But it’d be fun,” Sehun insists. “You can all write your own versions of Emily Dickenson and then-“

“Can we write our own poems?” Chansik asks.

“If the topic is appropriate,” Sehun tells him, slipping back into stride. It’s easier to do, to shut down the part of him that’s still shaking when he’s got the class’s attention. “Is it appropriate?”

“Define appropriate,” Chansik asks slowly.

“Something that is reasonably calculated to confer educational benefit,” Sehun says automatically, and watches with a bit of internal satisfaction as Chansik’s face falls. “Is it appropriate?”

“Never mind,” Chansik mumbles.

Looking around at the class, Sehun tries not to just let go for a second. “Alright, let’s go easy for the rest of the day. It’s been a rough one. I want all of you to write yourself a letter.”

“A letter?” Hwasa asks, frowning at him.

“Yes,” Sehun says. “We’re finishing up The Scarlet Letter, and I want all of you to write about something that has been hard for you.”

“Anything?” Hweein asks, almost sounding intrigued. Sehun lets out a soft breath.

“If you are comfortable writing about it,” Sehun tells her. “Write something that was hard for you, where you felt like you couldn’t get help, like how Hester felt. It doesn't have to be long or detailed, but just something that you can think of.”

“That’s it?” Jimin asks.

“Until the end of class,” Sehun says, giving him a soft smile, the skin stretching around his jaw and letting off a small dull ache. It doesn’t take long for the students to get to the assignment. There are only about fifteen minutes before the class ends, and Sehun lets out a soft breath, pulling out his computer as the class works to write up a report.

He’ll probably hear from Boa before the end of the day, have to come in and give a report about the incident in class today. On all grounds, Donghyun is up for suspension with his behavior.

It’s just that Sehun has been watching him deteriorate, knowing that things at home aren’t great, and trying to talk to his family is a nightmare. Just hit him, had been the response when Sehun had called Donghyun’s father. I would if you wouldn’t report me to the DHS.

Closing his eyes, Sehun focuses on his breathing, on the scratching of pencils over paper, and the sounds of his students to keep him grounded as a part of him wants to unbalance.

When the bell rings for the next class, Sehun dismisses his students, laughing and reminding them of their homework, and shepherding them to lunch where he has duty with Himchan and Daehyun. Despite the lunch he’d actually bothered to make from home, Sehun doesn’t eat, instead just watching over the cafeteria.

It’s easier to focus on that, and Sehun almost wishes that he didn’t have a free period after lunch, that he had more classes, more work to do, to keep his mind busy. It helps when Boa comes up to him as lunch is ending and pulls him to the office for a report. It’s easier to just explain what happened so the school can write up a report, and Sehun catches sigh of Donghyun in the other room.

“Can I talk to him?” Sehun asks, watching as Donghyun scowls at his hands and sits slumped in his chair.

“Not today,” Boa tells him. “He’s not talking to anyone right now actually. We’re waiting for his parents to pick him up.”

Sehun grimaces. “They’re not going to pick him up, you know that right?”

Boa sighs, looking over at Donghyun with worry and years of looking over thousands of students lining her face. “I know,” she says. “But we can’t just release him until the end of school. Someone has to care about him.”

Those words are the ones that stick as Sehun ends up back in his classroom, brushing off Zhou Mi, the guidance counselor, when he’d offered to talk for a bit. Sehun just needs time, and space, and something to do.

Sehun needs to be on a treadmill running until his thoughts stop moving, until his system calms down. Sehun needs to be out on the trails and pushing everything that went wrong today through his arms as he pushes faster and faster and harder and harder up hills and along flats.

Sehun needs-

A soft knock on his door has Sehun jerking, looking up and rattled from his thoughts. “What are you doing here?” probably isn’t the most welcoming of things to say, but Sehun doesn’t really have the energy to be welcoming right now. Especially not to Junmyeon, who has been flip flopping back and forth on him about the bussing and team divisions for the training day.

“Saying hi,” Junmyeon says, and almost looks apologetic as he walks into the room. Which Sehun didn’t say he could do, and a part of Sehun almost wants to snap at him to just get out, and stop making today harder than it is right now.

Breathe.

“Hi,” Sehun says, and tries to smile. It doesn’t quite work though and he ends up closing his eyes, letting it go as he sits back in his chair.

“I heard you had a rough morning,” Junmyeon says, and Sehun lets out a dry laugh.

“If by rough you mean having a desk thrown at me and being hit in the face, yeah, it was a bit rough,” Sehun says, and just saying it, just finally getting it out, even if he’d explained it earlier, is like throwing up something that’s been writhing in his stomach for hours. “How was your day? Did anyone tell you that bowties were last years fashion?”

“No,” Junmyeon says, sitting down in one of the desks by Sehun’s, looking both pained and amused at the same time. It’s a strange expression for someone to wear, but somehow Junmyeon pulls it off. Sehun isn’t sure he likes it though. “My kids usually know better than to try to tell me how to dress. They just call me ‘old man’ when they think I can’t hear them. Or, sometimes, when they think I can.”

“You do kind of act it,” Sehun says, the words slipping out of him faster than he can catch them. Today he just doesn’t have the energy to be polite, to think about how Junmyeon is intimidating or how he’s not sure if he can talk.

“It’s a defense mechanism,” Junmyeon says. “The girls are less likely to develop a crush on the ‘old man’ teacher.”

“What about the boys?” Sehun asks, wondering if they’ve given Junmyeon trouble like Sehun saw today. Wondering how many more times he’s going to have a desk thrown at him.

“I’m pretty sure most of them have crushes on Jia,” Junmyeon says, and Sehun almost chokes. “Though a few of them are a bit infatuated with Kibum.”

“Huh,” says Sehun, and pauses, sitting back. Somehow, even if he’s still rattled, this, whatever this is, despite how Junmyeon is… Junmyeon, is helping.

“First time?”

“That I’ve heard about these crushes on Kibum?” Sehun asks, looking over to Junmyeon. “Yeah. I never actually would have thought. Jia I can definitely see though. I think Jackson once told her to ‘wait for him’ last year.”

“Sehun,” Junmyeon says, and he’s not laughing. Instead, he sounds almost sincere, and Sehun has to look away from his face to swallow down the tension in his throat.

“I’m okay,” Sehun tells him, even if it’s more of telling himself.

“You don’t have to be okay,” Junmyeon says, and Sehun can’t look at him. The sound of his voice already is more than Sehun wants to hear, and he knows looking at Junmyeon…

It’s odd, how Sehun is curious, glimpsing these moments between the cracks of Junmyeon’s constantly spinning walls around himself. He’s curious, but when it comes to actually seeing them, Sehun doesn’t want to.

“It’s easier to be okay,” Sehun says, speaking to the wall opposite his desk. The wall doesn't look back, it doesn’t have other layers and levels and meaningful looks and spectrums of tones in it’s voice that make Sehun think for hours after. “I like being okay.” The wall doesn’t answer him and neither does Junmyeon. “How do you stop that from happening?”

“Sometimes, you can’t stop it,” Junmyeon answers after a long pause. “Sometimes they just run into obstacles that we can’t help them with, and sometimes we’re the only safe place for them to fight back and be upset. Sometimes, we’re the only people they feel safe enough with to break down.”

Even if he knows it’s not safe, that he doesn’t want to see it, Sehun looks back to Junmyeon anyway. It’s almost raw, the way Junmyeon is looking at him, none of the posture or the composure, but just a clear expression that’s a mix between sadness and bitterness, hints of anger flickering over his brow bones and the tension of worry around his mouth. It’s having the glass removed from a clouded window, and Junmyeon doesn’t look as imposing.

He just looks like a man who knows he can’t fix everyone, even if he might want to fix everything.

“So what do you do?” Sehun asks.

“Remember that you can’t save everyone,” Junmyeon tells him. “And it’s okay not to.”

“Isn’t that kind of against what we do?” Sehun asks, frowning a bit as the tremors that stuck in his chest subside somewhat. “I also would like to not have anymore desks thrown at me.”

Somehow, the walls don’t rise again as fast, and when they do it’s only halfway. “You’ll have to learn how to duck,” Junmyeon says. “Especially since you’re such a large target.”

“I suppose you have an advantage then,” Sehun says. “Or I care too much.”

“No,” Junmyeon says, and a part of him almost looks sad before it flickers away and Sehun isn’t sure. “You care too much. You’re worse than Kyungsoo.”

“I’m telling him you said that,” Sehun says. He doesn’t feel better per se, but he does feel lighter, and like the persistent weight is off of his mind somewhat. He can get through the rest of the day at least.

“Kyungsoo doesn’t scare me,” Junmyeon almost laughs.

“What does?”

Even if Sehun didn’t mean to ask, he does. And even if he can see Junmyeon doesn’t mean to answer, he does. “Failure.”


✦


Of all the things they’re supposed to be doing right now, building a jump isn’t one of them.

“No,” Jongin says, staring as Chanyeol and Taemin pile more and more snow up higher and higher on the edge of the small field they ski through for practice. “No way.”

“It’ll be fun!” Chanyeol says, eyes bright and body half covered in snow as he turns to Jongin. “Plus, you’ll land in powder just down the field. It’ll be fine!”

“What if our skis break?” Sehun asks, looking around warily. They don’t own the skis. Hell, if Coach finds them, he’ll roast them alive for doing this instead of doing hill training.

Of course, according to Minho, this is hill work. Apparently. Theoretically? Sehun isn’t sure. All Sehun is sure of is that Taemin is a bad influence because somehow he’s taken to talking to Minho and giving him bad ideas.

Taemin is awful, and Sehun reminds himself of this as Taemin looks up and smiles at him.

“Are you going to do the jump?” Taemin asks, patting down the raised lump of snow. “Ten bucks you’ll go flying.”

“I think he’ll land it,” Minho says, watching them pack down the jump with a contemplative expression. “He’s got the balance for it. And the legs.”

“I didn’t know you spent so much time staring at Sehun’s legs,” Taemin goads, eyes on their captain.

“I spend a lot of time staring at all of your legs,” Minho says blithely. “I should know what my team’s physique is like. And Taemin? Your legs are sticks. It’s why you can’t get the proper push off when you transfer from your kick.”

They’re out here, making a jump, because today their Coach had just let them go ski. They’re out here, making a jump, because Minho is in charge and Taemin is a terrible influence. They’re out here, making a jump, and Sehun is entirely sure that they’re going to break someone’s skis going off the damn thing.

It kind of makes it exciting even if Sehun’s stomach is in knots.

“Okay!” Chanyeol says, straightening up and grinning. “Who is going first?”

“Count me out,” Jongin mumbles, side stepping back and gripping onto his poles. “I’m not breaking my neck. Or skis. Or either.”

“Sehun?” Chanyeol asks, turning to him.

“Screw you, we made it, I want to go first,” Taemin cuts off with a laugh before Sehun can answer diplomatically no.

Or yes. Sehun doesn’t know and the snakes in his belly aren’t sure either.

Hiking up the hill they’re supposed to be skiing up, Taemin turns, standing finally and handing his poles off to Minho. “Clear the track!” he yells, grin visible even from where Sehun is standing near the jump. Then he turns, angling himself down the slope, and skis to the jump in a crouch. He looks like an idiot, arms out to keep balance when he needs it, and skating unsteadily to pick up speed.

Taemin doesn’t quite make the jump so much as he gets one ski up the jump and the other one sunk in the snow. The result is him pitched forward face first into the snow and everyone bursting into laughter (Taemin included, but Sehun isn’t sure considering his face in buried in snow).

“My turn,” Minho shouts as Taemin scrambles away, still covered in snow. Minho has more finesse, and Sehun watches him as he turns down the hill, speeding towards them in perfect form, tucked down into himself and angled with skis parallel to go off the jump. And he does, and flies for a few feet before careening into the snow beyond with a loud yell.

“Nice!” Chanyeol shouts, and skates off up the hill for his turn.

Over and over and over they do this, Sehun forgetting about time and just watching, tentative to try, and yet itching to do it. To fly off the hump of snow and go airborne for just a moment before crashing into the soft snow.

“Your turn,” jolts Sehun from his thoughts of watching Minho fly off the jump and straight into powder, laughing the whole way.

Before Sehun can protest, get out a squawk of defense, Taemin and Chanyeol are laughing, taking his poles and urging him up the hill. It’s stupid, he’s going to die, this is so dangerous, he’s going to die, his skis are going to break, and Sehun can’t stop laughing at the nervous twist and bubbling excitement spreading through him.

“This is such a bad idea,” Sehun tells Chanyeol as he stands on the hill and looks down and the miniscule jump below and feels his stomach swoop.

“Exactly!” Chanyeol laughs, and Sehun’s ski tips tilt down.

It’s stupid, the wind whistling in his ears. It’s dangerous, and he’s going to fly off the jump and die. It’s going to break his skis, and Sehun whoops aloud as the wind whistles in his ears, he angles his skis to go faster, and suddenly he’s slipping up over the jump, his stomach suddenly suspended in that queasy exciting weightlessness-

-and he plummets to the soft freezing powdered snow beneath him and cannot stop laughing. Laughing and laughing and whole body buzzing with excitement and happiness as he looks up and is still laughing when Minho looks down at him with an amused smile to match.

“That was pretty sick,” Minho tells him, holding out a hand to hoist Sehun to his feet. “You flew off that jump! It was awesome. You went even farther than I did.”

“It’s because Sehun is all limbs and no mass,” Kyuhyun laughs, skis off completely and romping around in the ungroomed field of snow. He dodges a snowball from Jongin, and then, laughing, runs straight at Sehun, wrapping his arms around his middle as Sehun lets out a surprised yelp as he’s jerked forward.

“You can’t use my best friend as a shield!” Jongin is yelling, Sehun breathless with laughter as Kyuhyun tries to carry him around and is clearly struggling to hold him up. “That’s just-“

A snow ball hits Sehun right in the neck and he screams, Kyuhyun dropping him as Minho roars with laughter behind them.

“You can’t use Sehun as a shield, Jongin will just throw shit at him anyway,” Taemin is laughing, bounding onto the field as well. Chanyeol tries to follow, still wearing skis, and ends up getting his poles stolen by Jongin who runs off, laughing and holding them tauntingly.

It’s ski practice without the rules, playing in the snow and just having fun, taking a day off from the regimens and falling into each other when the girls find them later and Hyukjae somehow, inexplicably, tries to climb a tree. With his skis on.

“Why did you think that was a good idea?” Song Qian asks, half laughing as Hyukjae lies flat on his back amid the laughing team.

“I don’t know!” Hyukjae laughs, trying to push himself up and slipping, sending the whole team into laughter again.

Sehun can’t breathe, the air catching in his throat, and feeling so free and light and happy he doesn’t think when Kyuhyun tells them to all put on their skis to go ‘exploring’. Sehun doesn’t think when he races up to follow right behind Minho, smiling at him brightly when he turns to him with a grin. Sehun doesn’t think of how Jongin and Chanyeol are behind him, keeping pace with each other as Jongin struggles in the deeper snow.

Sehun doesn’t think as they all end up far off the trail, Taemin nearly getting stuck in a marsh that Kyuhyun had led them to a while back when it had been nothing but bare ground. Sehun just laughs, flopping down in the white snow when they take a break and smiling, feeling like the world is okay.

It’s cold, but he feels alive, hot with energy, bright with smiles and the feeling of welcome from the team.

It’s a whole new world of Nordic skiing, where there aren’t any rules, or races, or technique drills, just goofing off and listening to Chanyeol bleat laughter when Jongin misses throwing a snowball at him. It’s laughing, leaning against the others to keep himself up, and feeling a warm arm wrap around his shoulders and keep him up, tugged against a strong side that makes his stomach flutter as he catches Taemin’s eyes on him and he hint of a genuine smile.

“Sehun,” Taemin calls, and the warmth at his side shifts, pulling away slightly. “You look really stupid when you smile like that.”

The smile cracks, and cold seeps between the fragments and Sehun’s laughter stutters before that warm arm is back.

“It’s cute,” Minho tells him, or tells Taemin, his eyes on the younger boy and his arm around Sehun’s shoulders.

The winter air is cold, but Sehun feels so warm and can’t stop his smile as he leans just a bit closer, looking up at his captain and feeling like things will be okay. That he’s okay.

“I'm okay,” Sehun tells him, tells himself, and it builds that warmth around his heart thicker and stronger.

“I know you are,” Minho says, and flashes him a blindingly wonderful grin as he steps back, calling them all to keep going.

It sinks into Sehun’s skin, pressing under the layers of athletic clothing to trap the heat against his skin and keep him warm. That feeling, the simple word ‘okay’ seeps through him, slowly pumping through him with the pulse of his heart, the warmth from a hot drink, the soothing soak of a warm bath.

It builds, stronger and stronger under his skin, netting into him as Sehun laughs, as Jinri wraps her arms around him and tugs him to tumble into the snow, racing off a moment later when Jongin joins. It’s mesh and wire wrapping around the fragile parts in him that must stay silent at home, at school, anywhere he goes, where it’s ‘not okay’ for him to just be.

It’s the soothing cup of tea for the sore constant ache in Sehun’s throat, in his chest, in his world where being different isn’t okay; isn’t safe.

“You alright?” Chanyeol asks him, breathless as they ski back towards the jump, turning to him with a wide smile.

“Yeah,” Sehun says, and feels it burrow into him and lock inside, never leaving, never changing. “Yeah, I’m okay.” Ahead of them, Jongin is grappling with Taemin while Jinri throws snow on them, laughing, and Sehun smiles. “I’m okay. I’m really okay.”

It’s the first time in a long while that Chanyeol doesn’t pull him into a headlock when he tugs Sehun closer. It’s the first time in a while that Sehun is hugged with something that feels like total love and acceptance, and he closes his eyes, breathing it in and wondering if Chanyeol knows, and that’s why.

“Good,” Chanyeol tells him, usually loud voice just a bit quieter as he squeezes his arms around Sehun. “I’m glad.”

Even when they get back to the jump and find their Coach waiting, disapproval on his face and arms over his chest, that feeling doesn’t fade. Even when they’re barked at to go ski extra laps, shouted at and driven up the hills and back down until their thighs are burning, breathing is different when he’s not as afraid. Even in the dripping sweat and burning chill of a pounding heart rate in freezing temperatures makes Sehun’s skin feel alive and Coach glares at them and forbids more jump building, Sehun can’t stop the smile that lingers just behind his lips.

For one moment, he flew, and understood what laughing with complete freedom felt like. What feeling with full freedom felt like, and it pulls at his heart with strings Sehun can’t see, but for once isn’t afraid to follow.

Wherever they lead him.

To the library, to the lunch room, to his home.

Or to someone who makes his heart flutter and stomach turn in the sickeningly pleasant flip flop. And Sehun is okay with that, because Sehun is okay.


❉


By the time Saturday morning finally gets underway, Sehun isn’t sure if he wants to thank Junmyeon or strangle him.

“See?” Sunyoung says, once they’re seated in the bus together, all of the combined Alpine and Nordic gear together in the undercarriage of the bus and both teams packed in the back. She’s got that sort of knowing ‘I told you so’ expression on her face as she leans into his side, her hair pinned back from her face and tucked under a SWIX cap. “I told you.”

“You told me nothing, you just said he and the old Nordic coach didn't get along,” Sehun grumbles. Today had started off well, where he had woken up at his usual time to get to work and arrived at the school ready to go. Now, after arguing with Junmyeon for over twenty minutes before Junmyeon just shrugged and went ’sure, okay, you can take Alpine’ and Sehun wasn’t sure if he wanted to smack him in the face or himself in the face, he’s downright exhausted.

“But do you see now?” Sunyoung says, her mouth twitching.

Trying to muster up the energy to glower, Sehun just gives up and sinks down into his seat further. He doesn’t want to speak too loudly, considering Junmyeon and Juhyun are (though Junmyeon keeps barking back to his team to close the bus windows). “Vaguely. Did he usually do this a lot?”

“I don’t think we’ve ever had the Alpine kids with us on training day,” Sunyoung muses. “So no, he’s not always like this. But you also put up more of a fight to keep them on today, so maybe he’s just giving you points for merit.”

“Like Hell I’m letting Mark go play slalom all day when he can’t properly climb a hill to save his life,” Sehun grumbles, glancing over to where Junmyeon is talking sternly with Namjoon about… something. It’s a bit amazing how someone can look so serious and imposing while still smiling politely.

“Yeah, but the impressive part is that you convinced Junmyeon to let you take him for the day,” Sunyoung says. “I never would have thought you had it in you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re such a softie,” Sunyoung teases. “And Junmyeon’s definitely not.”

“Maybe it’s because I’m charming,” Sehun proposes and smiles slightly as Sunyoung snorts into laughter beside him. It had been, to put it simply, a Herculanean effort to get Junmyeon to back down on claiming ownership of all of his Alpine skiers for the day. In the end, it had come down to Sehun explaining that overall the skills he’d be drilling today would directly correlate to the technique they’d need for Alpine.

He’d left out the glaring reality that if Junmyeon took the Alpine kids, Sehun would lose about a third of his team.

“So.” Sehun jumps, not sure when Junmyeon had switched over to the seat directly behind him and turning around swiftly as his voice sounds right in his ear.

“Yes, I’m here, what?” Sehun says, trying to rouse as Sunyoung casts him a poorly concealed smirk.

“Lunch,” Junmyeon says, looking down at the clipboard in his hands, flipping through the pages. Why does he even need a clipboard? “Today. Are we meeting up with the teams and swapping or-“ He just stops, not even trailing off, and Sehun blinks when he turns to him expectantly.

“I mean, you can take Nordic, but most of them are terrified of going fast on down hills, so you’ll have your work cut out for you. Taehyung is a screamer,” Sehun says, pushing himself up to sit straighter in his seat. It’s too early to discuss this after he’s just had an already harrowing discussion.

Junmyeon’s mouth twitches, and Sehun swallows, waiting for the shut down. “Do you need the Alpine kids all day?”

“Have you seen Mark try to double pole?” Sehun asks him in return.

“No,” Junmyeon tells him flatly.

“It’s not pretty,” Sunyoung adds, and nudges Sehun in the side gently. “We’ll probably need them all day, though you could take Jackson if we can get to the hill climbing sections before lunch and I’m done with the older members before then. If not, then they all need work.”

“I need Yoongi for the afternoon,” Junmyeon says, turning to his clipboard with a small frown again. “He’s still taking his turns way too fast. If I can work with him for the afternoon, it’ll help him a ton, and probably help you guys out some if he’s struggling on downhill corners.”

“Yoongi is fine on the down hills,” Sehun sighs. “It’s his follow through on weight change that he struggles with.” Ignoring the look from Sunyoung, Sehun runs his hand through his hair, wetting his lips as Junmyeon finally turns to look at him. “You can have him after lunch. I can pull him in practice after the holidays and drill him on the flat technique.”

“Good luck getting him to drill,” Junmyeon says, and it takes Sehun a moment before he realizes he’s almost joking.

“Did you just poke fun?” Sunyoung asks.

“It happens sometimes,” Junmyeon tells her, turning back to his clip board. “I have to keep you on your toes or you’ll start to tune me out.”

“Lunch at the base lodge?” Sehun suggests, trying to push ahead rather than let the conversation hang, the strange note following Junmyeon’s comment settling uncomfortable against his skin.

“We’ll come meet you at the Nordic center,” Junmyeon says, finally lowering his clipboard. “The food is better, and they don’t have as much candy for Kunpimook to ingest before the afternoon work out. Which will be good for my sanity,” he adds as explanation, and throws him and Sunyoung a quick smile. “See you at noon?”

“I swear that was the nicest and shortest planning conversation I’ve ever had with him,” Sunyoung tells Sehun once Junmyeon has moved back to sit with Juhyun.

“I told you, I’m charming,” Sehun brushes off, standing and doing a brief sweep as their bus driver finally steps onto the bus. All of the team, and Junmyeon’s kids, appear to be on the bus. “Do you want to do roll call or should I?”

“You. I can’t yell louder than Kunpimook even if I had a bullhorn.”

“True,” Sehun agreed, and turns to the bus that’s a mix between half asleep, and shouting about anything imaginable. “Alright! My kids! Junmyeon’s kids! We all here?” Junmyeon is looking over, a small frown on his face as Chansik yells “yes!” back from… somewhere in his seat. All Sehun can see of him is his legs.

“Alright! While reassured, I’m calling out. I don’t know half of you and half of you don’t know me. Either answer, or, if you’re asleep, get a friend to wake you up so you can confirm you’re here. Waving hands don’t count. I need hear your voice to make sure you’re alive.” Turning to Junmyeon, Sehun waits for permission to proceed. Junmyeon just nods, and Sehun smiles as he hands over his clipboard.

Sehun blinks when he looks at it, having expected an organized paper set of notes and… not incomprehensible scribbles and chaos.

“Alright!” Sehun shouts, recovering himself and catching a small hint of… pink on Junmyeon’s face. He clears his throat, trying not to give it attention. Later. “Jaebum!”

The whole group is there, some of the boys getting into a screaming contest of who can answer loudest before Seunghwan wins hand down by screeching shrilly when Hyeri tries to lift up her shirt while she snoozes in her seat. “We’re good?” Sehun asks, turning to Junmyeon. The nod he gets in return had the bus pulling out the parking lot, ten minutes behind schedule and off for the two hours trip up to Monarch ski area.

“Buckle up,” Sunyoung says as Sehun settles in beside her. “This is what every race is going to be like.”

“Not quite,” Sehun shrugs, glancing back as the team all try to scoot between seats to get comfortable. “We won’t have Kunpimook.”

“Which one is he?” Sunyoung asks, looking back at the teams.

“The loud one sitting on Jackson,” Sehun answers, glancing back to the kids in the back.

Surprisingly, the ride down isn’t as loud as Sehun expects it to be. Most of the team, once they’ve settled in and had a bathroom break after being on the road for a while, ends up crashing to sleep. Sehun does rounds with Sunyoung and Juhyun to check up on the team. It’s a bit interesting to see both of the teams together, combined but with definite separations that show just under the surface.

It’ll be interesting to watch today, seeing if the seatings stay true, if Seokjin and Yoongi end up skiing together for the day even as they nap on each other on the way down. Sehun would like to say he was surprised to see Taehyung and Hoseok sprawled on top of each other, asleep and with Taehyung’s hood pulled so far over his head it’s hard to see his face, but he’s not.

“This is the quietest I’ve ever seen them,” Sunyoung says when Sehun gets back to the front.

“Then let’s do our best not to wake them,” Sehun says.

Waking them ends up being a task in and of itself, most of the team grumbling and moving at a sloth’s pace once they arrive at the base lodge for the Alpine mountain. The Alpine team is almost silent (even Kunpimook) as they file off the bus. At first, the Alpine members on Nordic stir, looking up in question to Namjoon before the captain shakes his head, miming Nordic skiing poorly and gesturing to stay before they go back to sleep.

“That doesn’t even look like Nordic, you weirdo,” Yoongi grumbles as Namjoon tries to communicate to him he’s not joining the Alpine kids. It doesn’t last though, Yoongi shifting in his seat and Sehun watches him disappear, presumably shoving his face into Seokjin’s shoulder to go back to sleep.

It’s another whole side of his team, watching them all curl up on top of each other, the familiarity of them getting closer, growing connections with each other and building relationships. Sehun finds himself smiling without realizing it, watching over them and remembering what that was like, as the Alpine team steps off the bus in varying degrees of consciousness.

“Noon, right?” Juhyun clarifies, pausing as she follows Junmyeon off the bus. “I just want to make sure we’re not late. Junmyeon can get a bit carried away.”

“Noon,” Sehun confirms, still smiling and feeling that faint softness lingering as he watches her step off the bus.

“I vote,” Jaebum says when the Nordic team arrives at the ski center. “That we just practice sleeping habits.”

“Funny. Have you considered a career as an entertainer?” Sehun asks him, shoved in between the tangle of legs across the aisle to rouse his team. “Everyone up! If you haven’t changed, you can do so in the bathrooms and lodge. Get your stuff, the bus isn’t gonna be here when we’re done, so if you leave something, you go without.”

“Wait,” Jimin mumbles, pushing himself up from where he’d been using Jeongguk as a pillow. “We have to carry all our shit?”

“Until you use a bathroom, yes,” Sehun says, and Jimin throws him a look that screams please in a suffering tone. “As for your ski gear, you can leave it in the cubbies in the lodge.”

“You think you’re funny don’t you,” Jackson says, squinting at him with his hair sticking up in a beautiful mess.

“I don't think, I know I’m hilarious,” Sehun tells him casually. “Get a load of me. And get your stuff. Off the bus in ten.”

“Why is our coach so weird?” Sehun hears Yugyeom ask in a grumble as he heads back up front.

“He’d have to be to deal with us,” Jackson tells him. “Remember how weird Coach Lee was? At least Oh sama isn’t as wacked out as he is.”

“Somehow,” Sehun muses, helping Sunyoung pull the equipment bags from the undercarriage of the bus in the cold air. “I get the impression that there’s more to Junmyeon not getting along with the old coach than just Junmyeon being a relatively strict human.”

“Well,” Sunyoung says, and purses her lips, pausing as she drags out a bag of skis and poles. “I’ll tell you later?”

“Please,” Sehun says. “You round them up and I’ll get the passes.”

They end up dividing up the team, the older and experienced skiers heading off with Sunyoung once they get their gear stashed, tickets stuck somewhere to their bodies. In the case of Taehyung, this means on his hat right over his forehead, which Hoseok thinks is hilarious and Jeongguk copies before apparently gaining a sense of shame.

The younger skiers, new to the game and who haven’t really gone skate skiing before, stay with Sehun, all looking excited to be on skis that have no sticky wax and on new trails. “Alright,” Sehun says, once the older kids have sped off after Sunyoung in a variety of whoops and hollers. “You guys ready to do some skate skiing?”

“Will we fall down as much as we did the first time we skid?” Yugyeom asks, face scrunched up.

“Only if you want to,” Sehun tells him and grins. “After lunch, we’ll be doing hill work, so please anticipate that experience.”

“Is it hard?” Yerim asks.

“I can be,” Sehun says gently. “But first, you guys have to master skating before you move onto actually trying to climb hills and learning the poling for it.”

Skate skiing, unlike classic, isn’t about stepping forward and pushing through the legs and arms in a forward motion. It’s all about the side to side swing of weight from one ski over to the other, centered through the middle of the foot. It sounds complicated, but it basically means moving from standing on one foot to the other with a bit of push incorporated in.

It’s a lot like ice skating, balancing on one foot before moving to the other, but it’s a ski rather than a metal blade and no one in their right mind would try to do a triple axel jump on Nordic skis if they wanted to live through the day.

The key to skate skiing isn’t using edges or poles or pushing off harder through the kick zone, it’s balance. The goal of today isn’t to the get first time skiers up and running and skiing faster, but just to get them used to the motion of skate skiing and getting them to balance.

“So what are we doing?” Sooyoung asks, her long hair in two braids over her shoulders.

“Skiing,” Sehun says. “I want you to just try out stepping from one foot to the other and pushing off like you’re ice skating, and use your poles to push off on the side we determined back when doing the dry land exercises.”

It works, for the most part, though almost all of them don’t translate the weight transfer, instead adopting a soft of waddling motion as they keep their weight over their core rather than their leg. But they don’t fall down that much after the first half hour, and it’s enough that Sehun can start correcting some of the bad habits he can see already forming.

Surprisingly, the skiers that seem to be catching onto the weight change the best are Yibo and Yerim, both of them pushing more of their full weight onto their ski than the others. It has Sehun smiling, watching as they focus, expressions hard with concentration, and tune out the laughter and yells of their fellow teammates.

“Alright,” Sehun calls one they all congregated back around him having finished their laps around the starting field. “I want you to pair off and take the first loop of trails around the center. It should take you about an hour to get back to me.”

The trails are all listed on the wooden boards stuck along the trails. Pointing out a few basic routes to his skiers, Sehun smiles, watching as they take off in groups of two or three. Sehun ends up staying with Yugyeom, sending Jeongguk off with Yibo knowing that probably just being with Yibo will help Jeongguk work on his own technique.

It helps a lot, Sehun realizes as he watches them ski off, that he knows most of this group from class. Knowing their learning styles (Jeongguk being very tactile and visual, observing and learning and adapting) makes it easier to figure out how they can improve and correct errors best.

“Mr. Oh?” Yugyeom asks, a small frown on his face as he turns to him. “Do I suck or something?”

“Of course not,” Sehun tells him, reaching out to clasp the freshman on the shoulder with a kind smile. “I just think you’d have more fun if you could keep up with Jackson this afternoon on the course.”

“But he’s so much better than I am,” Yugyeom mumbles, and Sehun can’t tell if he wants to be heard or is trying to eat his words.

“So lets even the playing field,” Sehun tells him, and pushes back on his poles, sliding backwards on his skis with a wide grin. “Then you can keep up with him and I can put you in the first race of the season.”

Yugyeom’s problem is he refuses to shift his weight over to his gliding leg. Of all of the starting skiers, he’s the one who looks the most scared to fully switch his whole weight onto one ski. This means he’s mostly skiing with his ski at an angle, which puts strain on his legs, ankles, back, hips, and overall just makes him slower even if he’s moving fast. It also means it’s a lot more work for him physically, and he’ll get tired soon.

It’s a basic mistake, and Sehun remembers being called out on it in his first year of skiing. Well, yelled was more appropriate, except the benefit is Yugyeom doesn’t have Taemin laughing at him when he wobbles onto one ski.

Sehun sighs, and leads Yugyeom onto the practice track, smiling and explaining to him what he needs to do.

By the time it reaches the hour mark and his skiers return, Sehun is more tired than he thought he’d be, but Yugyeom has improved a lot just in the short time span. They take a break, Sehun checking up on the skis and answering questions, keeping a watch as they wait for the rest of the team to arrive with Sunyoung.

They’re late, but look flushed with excitement, Jaebum in the lead and closely followed by a laughing Jackson and Seulgi as they ski into the lodge area. “Break?” Mark asks, his cheeks flushed with cold once the whole team skis up, Sunyoung bringing up the rear.

“Hills,” Sehun tells them, and gets a mixed groan and cheer from the rest of the team. “Seokjin, you take the lead and get the team headed up to the Cypher ridge. We’ll stop on Triptyc corner. Wait there, and no one go in the woods.”

“Why not?” asks Hwasa from the back.

“Because I’ll come find you and you won’t be happy,” Sehun tells the team, and gets a mixed reaction. In the back, Sunyoung hides her smirk.

“Why does Seokjin get to lead?” Hyeri asks, frowning.

“Because if you lead, you’ll leave the whole team behind and then we’ll have to send out a search party,” Sehun tells her, patting her a few times on the back as he moves around the team. “I’ll meet you up there in five minutes! If you’re not there when I arrive, I’m sending Sunyoung to come find you and you ski the rest of the day without poles.”

That gets the team moving, half of them shouting to Seokjin to not screw up as the younger skiers struggle to skate. Sehun smiles, watching as the older team members adopt the younger, pairing up and skiing with them, making sure they don’t get left behind.

“Look at them,” Sehun says, watching as the team careens off onto the trial in a shouting rambunctious mass of teenage energy. “Working together and looking out for each other. I’m so proud.” He sighs dramatically, and feigns wiping a tear as Sunyoung laughs beside him, rolling her eyes and shaking her head at his antics. “How did they do this morning?”

“You mean after Taehyung tried to scale a tree with his skis on?” Sunyoung says, a hint of exasperation in her voice.

“I personally had my bets on Mark, but I can’t say I’m surprised it was Taehyung that ended up going for it,” Sehun hums, and Sunyoung bursts out laughing. “How far did he get?”

“Farther than we thought he would,” Sunyoung says, a hint of respect in her voice. “Though he was hoisting himself up on the branches. And Hoseok helped.”

“Helped?”

“Pushed him up a bit, acted as a spotter, then dropped him,” Sunyoung says. “It was a brief moment of light hearted fun to watch them try to get back up in knee deep snow before we worked on turn tactics.”

“Sounds like a fun experience,” Sehun laughs. “And no one was hurt?”

“I would say Taehyung’s pride, but he looked pretty darn proud of himself, so I think we’re safe,” Sunyoung laughs. “I am going to say that we really should keep the alpine kids for the afternoon, if you can charm Junmyeon into letting them stay.”

“Why?” Sehun asks, skating along side her as they head out after the team.

“For one, they need a bit more work in general on a few technique things,” Sunyoung explains, skating easily beside him. “And another is they help the Nordic team a lot. No one makes fun of Seokjin if Yoongi is around, they know better by this point.”

“That’ll be a hard one to sell Junmyeon,” Sehun sighs, letting his body relax into the motion of skiing. He needed this, after a morning of teaching, actually getting out and skiing is relaxing, calming after the focused attention, to just let go and ski naturally. “I know he wanted Yoongi for the afternoon.”

“Junmyeon would take all of the Alpine kids if you didn’t put up a fight over them,” Sunyoung says seriously. “It’s good, actually,” she adds, catching the look on Sehun’s face. “They need a coach that fights for them and cares. I’m glad you are a softie, because they need someone who wants them to succeed for once. Not all of them have that.”

“The Alpine team does,” Sehun points out, thinking of Junmyeon’s determination for his team to do well.

“But Junmyeon isn’t you,” Sunyoung says. “You make them feel safe, he just makes them feel protected.”

It’s the first time Sehun has heard it described in that way, and it clicks in Sehun’s mind as he skis. That makes sense. Junmyeon isn’t the safe teacher to go talk to in rough times, but Sehun trusts him to be there when he needs it. It’s why he’d called him when Yibo was left at school alone after practice.

Junmyeon protects, not only himself with the walls and flickering back and forth between states of being, but the people around him.

“And I’m the coach they can make suggestive jokes around,” Sehun finally replies, feeling a bit pleased at the idea that he’s safe for his kids. Sunyoung laughs, her clear voice ringing through the trees around them, echoing over the soft white snow beautifully.

“Like I said, they feel safe around you,” Sunyoung continues to laugh. “And they listen. It’ll be nice to try to let them go for the afternoon as well. Just let them play for a bit.”

“Agreed,” Sehun hums, looking up ahead to where Jeongguk is just visible through the trees. “Then we can finally ski together and bond.”

“I’m engaged, remember?” Sunyoung laughs.

“And I’m fully expecting to be invited to your wedding,” Sehun tells her, turning to her briefly as he poles on the right, pushing ahead and leaving the old lingering twist in his gut. “I’ll be insulted if I don’t get an invitation.”

Sunyoung is laughing when she glances at him. “Maybe you can bring Juhyun as your date.”

That twist shifts and Sehun pushes onto his left ski on an exhale. “Not my type,” he says, skating ahead, leaving the anxiety behind. It’s been years.

“What about that language teacher?” Sunyoung muses. “Or do you have-“

“Not my type either,” Sehun tells her easily, poling again through the transfer to his other leg, pushing ahead and balancing, centering himself.

“What is your type then?” Sunyoung laughs.

“Are you trying to set me up?” Sehun teases, and catches the glint in Sunyoung’s eye that Sehun had learned to dread back in university before people knew. “Don’t. At least not with women.”

Sunyoung blinks, and Sehun glances at her over the rushing crunch of the snow, catching the sudden realization on her face. He poles, skating ahead, and waiting, pushing away from the words that have left him more times than he wishes they ever had to.

“That might be a bit more of a challenge,” Sunyoung finally says, and hums contemplatively. “But give me a bit more time, and I’ll see what I can rustle up.”

Sehun is laughing before he realizes it. It’s not a happy laugh, but it’s not the sad cracking laugh that had left his throat the first time he’d heard that response. It’s just sound, filling him up so nothing else has to, getting out of him so it doesn't grow stale and hold him down.

“I appreciate that,” Sehun tells her, feeling empty and scraped uncomfortably clean, almost raw. But it’s better.

Being raw means putting things back together and picking up the pieces. No matter how many times Sehun’s had that feeling, he’ll never regret it, because he can’t get back up until he knows he’s flat on his back with the wind gone from his chest.

The team is waiting for them. Well, relatively speaking they are waiting for them. It’s more like loitering around and trying to entertain themselves and doing a great job of it. The only members not getting into something are Seulgi and Yoongi, who instead stand by the side and laugh at the makeshift dogpile on the snow.

“Skis on!” Sehun shouts, rounding the corner and skating up to the team. “And that means your own skis, Jimin, not Hoseok’s.”

“Damn,” Jimin mutters, but obediently takes off his skis as Hoseok laughs and leans on Taehyung for support.

“Who’s hungry?” Sehun calls, looking over the team and getting an immediate and loud shout from every member. “Great! One we get this done, we can all eat and defrost.”

“I’m gonna die if I don’t eat,” Jimin whines, slouching and using his poles to keep him from collapsing.

“If you look like you’re going to collapse, I promise to carry you back,” Sehun tells him, tightening his pole straps around his wrists.

“Really?” Jimin looks delighted.

“No,” Sehun tells him, and Hwasa snorts into laughter. “Alright! Everyone listen up!”

There are multiple techniques to climbing hills. All of them are applicable to skate skiing, what they’re doing today, and a few for classic that can be the make or break it tactic in a race. Sehun knows well enough from watching the team over the last few weeks that most of them have no idea how to properly get up hills.

This is good, considering it’s the one thing he’s got down as his biggest advantage for his own skill set.

When going up a hill, the whole team seems to understand that the best way up is ‘herringbone’, meaning maintaining the ‘V’ shape of the skis to step up the hill without sliding back down. However, it takes a ton of energy to get up a hill just running in this formation. For classic, some skiers can manage to get up a hill in a faster pace run, staying in the tracks and forcing their weight through the kick zone to grip and run. But it’s exhausting.

Aside from herringboning it up a hill, there are skate tactics that are the best for getting up hills and will be the biggest factors in a race time.

The first is the called V two Alternate, and is the most common poling technique for skate skiing. V two Alternate is planting the poles on one side and pushing to the alternate ski to glide before returning to the first ski. It is only poling on one side, and is the easiest and most natural motion for most skiers.

The second tactic, which can be the winning factor on flats, is the skate variation of double poling, or known as V two . While V two Alternate is only poling on one side, V two is a much faster technique poling on both sides. Planting the poles first before the weight transfers onto the landing foot, the skier poles through the transfer of weight before returning to pole on the other side. V two is the best technique to gain speed, but is often too strenuous up hills, and while it is possible to ski uphills doing V two, only the strongest skiers succeed.

The third tactic is V one, or Offset skiing. V one, much like V two Alternate, only poles on one side. Skiers plant their poles at the same time as the foot is put down on one side before pushing to the alternate ski to glide. The effect is almost a staggering motion up the hill, keeping a constant push through the arms and legs. It's the best ways to get up hills, as he slightly offset distribution of weight transfers through in a constant forward motion.

“We’re doing all of those today?” Yibo asks, looking lost already as Sehun explains the poling techniques, gesturing through to demonstrate.

“And the mountain climb technique,” Sehun explains, pausing as he finishes up explaining alternating. “Basically, that’s like just herring boning it up the mountain, but you push forward and glide on each ski to make it easier up the hill. It’s basically poling on whatever side your weight is on. If you’re struggling on a hill, that’s the tactic you want to do, because it gives you glide but doesn’t use up the last of your energy to rest the hill.”

“Man, I thought we only had, like, one way of getting up hills or something,” Jimin is mumbling, turning away as Sehun shoos them off towards the hill. “This is nuts! What if I mix them up in my head?”

“Just do what works best,” Sehun calls over them. “Start with basic dominant poling on one side! Then ski back down and repeat.”

“How many?” Yoongi calls back as the first few skiers begin up the hill.

“Until I decide I’m happy with you,” Sehun answers in a yell and Hoseok lets out a responding wail.

“I’m going to die,” Youngsun shouts half way up the hill already.

“And we will mourn you!” shouts Jackson from right behind her. “Rage climb!”

“I swear,” Sunyoung says, laughing softly as she skis up beside Sehun and watches the group attempt to conquer the hill, some definitely doing better than others. “That boy is just begging for a slap.”

“Nah,” Sehun chuckles, watching as Jaebum and Jackson begin to race to the peak and Jaebum transitions into double poling and cresting fist. “He’s too genuine.”

“You’re right,” Sunyoung says, watching as Jackson waits for the rest of the team to finish as Jaebum drifts off down the trail ahead.

“Alright! Run it again,” Sehun shouts, waving the team back to him. “And Jaebum! I said basic poling, not double poling. Extra lap.”

“You’re kidding me,” Jaebum shouts back, looking offended.

“Do I look like I’m in a joking mood?” Sehun shouts back to him, and scowls.

“Ski!” Mark shouts, reaching for Jaebum’s arm and attempting to drag him up the hill. “Before he comes after your flesh!”

“I told you,” Sehun says turning to a shocked looking Sunyoung. “I totally called it that Mark would be the one to trip you up and be a secret demon.”

“What do I owe you?” Sunyoung asks, laughing slightly herself.

“Lunch,” Sehun tells her, grinning as he feels himself cool down from skiing earlier. “And an ice cream.”

“Deal.”

“I hate skiing!” screams in a wail from Sooyoung on the hill, followed quickly by Jeongguk shouting back, “and it hates you!”

“Gotta love teenagers,” Sunyoung sighs, shaking her head with a fond smile on her face as the team scrambles to the top.

“Absolutely,” Sehun agrees, and can’t help the grin over his own face as he watches his team and feels stupidly proud of his band of enthusiastic kids.


❉


This year, it’s been a relatively fantastic season for weather over the Holiday break. It’s one of the few years that they actually have a ‘White Christmas’ and Sehun spends it curled up on the couch with Jinri, Jongdae, and Jia, with a few bottles of wine and a makeshift gift swap. It had been a fun Christmas, much better than the ones before it, and by the time Chanyeol and Jongin get back from Jongin’s family’s house, Sehun is itching to move on with the holiday season.

Minseok had ended up booking the weekend between Christmas and the New Year for his ski weekend. They have about thirty people coming, and Sehun already had to miss the first day of the three day weekend while waiting for Chanyeol and Jongin to get back.

It means the loss of introduction night, seeing the new people and missing the first night of laughing and company and letting go of worries amid the one too many drinks. Still, it’s almost easier to arrive the second day, just after dusk and miss that initial burst of energy as everyone recovers for a few hours after a long hard day of skiing.

“Holy shit!” Jongin gasps, then laughs as they turn into the ice slick driveway. “This is even better than last year!”

The house Minseok had managed to rent for the weekend is enormous. It’s like a full fledged ski chatteau.

“I remember him saying they had a hot tub this year,” Chanyeol hums, grinning as he parks behind one of the many cars cluttering the drive way. “Outdoors, too, so that should be awesome.”

“I have no idea how he does it,” Jongin laughs, shaking his head as they file out of the car. They grab their overnight bags and ski bags, but leave the equipment in the car. It’ll be easier to get to the mountain tomorrow if they just leave their stuff in the car.

Stepping into the house is still loud, alive, and the new face at the door barely pauses before shouting over his shoulder, “Minseok! Your crew is finally here!”

“Which one?” shouts from inside the house, beyond the entrance room that has a pool table and at least five people playing around it.

“The one with all the tall people!”

Minseok is already in a sleeveless shirt, hair pushed up and still wet from a shower when he greets them, laughing and pulling into hugs. “You guys are late,” he says, grinning around at them. “Get inside and grab a drink. Most of the rooms still have space in them, and yes, Chanyeol, you guys have your own place up in the loft.”

“Sweet!” Chanyeol whoops, dragging both his and Jongin’s bags up the stairs as Jongin heads off to the kitchen.

“You promised me a bed,” Sehun reminds Minseok as he follows him into the house.

“And I kept my word,” Minseok tells him. “You’re in the basement, right near the hot tub. You’re getting a roommate though, so don’t make yourself the King of the castle quite yet down there. And Taemin has to move all his shit.”

“Just Taemin?” Sehun asks, raising one eyebrow.

“The asshole ended up pulling his second person last minute,” Minseok sighs, running his hand through his hair as he walks Sehun to the basement area. It’s just as nicely furnished as the upstairs, the whole house gorgeous and tricked out with fireplaces and rustic décor. “That’s why you get his room.”

“Revenge?” Sehun laughs.

“It took me so long to get his date a goddamn ticket and the dick tells me yesterday she’s not coming,” Minseok grumbles, hopping down the stairs two at a time and nearly running into Changmin at the bottom.

“So I get the room?” Sehun laughs, flashing Changmin a friendly smile as he walks past.

“You and, fuck, what’s his name? That teacher guy you’re friends with,” Minseok grimaces, and Sehun almost wants to laugh at him. Minseok never swears unless he drinks, and then it’s hard to get him to stop. In school, he’s hypersensitive to keep his language clean, but once he gets a few drinks in him, his mouth turns downright foul.

“Junmyeon,” Sehun supplies, feeling a bit curious at how that will work out. He hadn’t expected to be rooming with Junmyeon this weekend. Or ever.

“Right, what’s his face,” Minseok laughs off, turning around. “So drop your shit and get upstairs. Hyoyeon is making drinks and you don’t have one yet. This is an abomination. You’re an entire day behind, so you better be ready to catch up.”

“You’re going to try to kill me,” Sehun laughs, watching Minseok walk with the old almost swagger he used to have when Sehun met him back in college. He looks younger here, back in the element of his friends, his world, the energy from skiing today pouring off of him.

“Hell no!” Minseok laughs. “I need you on my team tonight! We’re playing Euchre (9).”

“No,” Sehun laughs, unable to stop himself at Minseok’s devious grin.

“Don’t you dare leave me to Kyuhyun,” Minseok shouts, walking from the room. “Or I’ll trash you tomorrow on the mountain!”

It’s been a few years that Sehun has been going to Minseok’s ski trips. Every year is a bit more of an experience, a new memory to replace older and less pleasant memories from before, when he’d been home over the holiday breaks. It's nicer this way, to get upstairs after dropping his bags on a bed to claim it and gladly accepting a drink from Hyoyeon.

Catching up with the old friends who always come on the trip, laughing as Changmin and Kyuhyun begin to argue about their work and telling stories that have the whole room laughing. Settling in with Chanyeol and Jongin on the couches, feeling like he’s back in time, part of everything and not the new guy, but the old team member that everyone welcomes back.

It’s always easier to laugh when Changmin ends up intervening and taking Minseok’s drink away from him before he and Song Qian can get into a contests. “You’re already swearing enough to lose your teaching license, put the rum down,” Changmin admonishes as the room laughs, Sehun happily taking the drink when Changmin hands it to him.

“Don’t you dare,” Minseok warns him before slumping into Changmin in remorse as Sehun downs the whole cup in one go. It tastes awful, and Sehun yelps into laughter as Minseok tries to punch him when he tells him so.

“It’s like drinking straight alcohol. What was in that? That shit burns!” Sehun laughs, ending up with Minseok sprawled over the couch and grumbling at him as he leans into Jongin’s side.

“That’s because it is straight alcohol,” Changmin explains with a roll of his eyes as Minseok slides into the seat beside Sehun. Upside down. “He thinks he’s hardcore by drinking what may as well be pure ethanol.”

“I am hardcore,” Minseok mumbles into the sofa. “I was almost in the Olympics. I’m so hardcore.”

“Yeah, sure, you’re a beast. All of us are inferior,” Changmin drawls, rolling his eyes as he sits down and pulls Minseok to sit up properly. “Get your face out of the couch. No one wants it there, not even you.”

“Thank you,” Minseok mumbles, sitting up a bit unsteadily. “I am a beast. Respect.”

“Fucking Hell,” Chanyeol laughs, leaning back into the couch as Jongin fits into his side, chuckling with his eyes creasing up in amusement. “Hyoyeon, what did you give him?”

Hyoyeon is laughing when she tells the room, “you don’t want to know.”

It’s about an hour after, when Sehun is trying to get Minseok to understand that he can’t play Euchre when he’s too drunk to hold his cards up, when Song Qian taps him on the shoulder. “Can you get the guy at the door?” she asks, her hair falling in a cascade down her shoulders. “He’s new and looks lost. And Minseok probably shouldn’t go near stairs.”

“I’m fine,” Minseok tells her, slurring as he waves her off and leans back into Changmin’s side. “Who is it? Is it’s what’s his face? Sehun’s boyfriend?”

“He’s-“ Sehun sighs, giving up on Minseok and just shaking his head. “Whatever. I’ll get him.”

“You have a boyfriend?” Song Qian asks, her eyes wide with curiosity. “Does Taemin know?”

“Shut up, no,” Sehun retorts, rolling his eyes with a distasteful look on his face. It’s been years. People need to let it go. “And he’s not my boyfriend, you know better than to take anything Minseok says when he’s drunk with more than a grain of salt.”

“Almost boyfriend?” Song Qian shouts as Sehun walks to the entrance room.

“Whatever!” Sehun shouts back to her. He has to hold onto the railing to go down into the entrance room steps, grinning at the pool game going on before he catches sight of Junmyeon. “Did you get lost?”

Oops.

Junmyeon, who had looked almost relieved to see him, suddenly pulls back, eyes widening marginally, but Sehun can see it. Sehun can see it because Sehun knows how Junmyeon’s face works. He watches it all the damn time trying to figure out what the hell is going on with it anyway.

“No,” Junmyeon says, shrugging off his ski parka. “I had some family stuff I had to wrap up.”

“Oh,” says Sehun.

“I take it I’m late?”

“Nah,” Sehun says, waving it off and shaking his head. It’s too much, but he doesn’t feel the same restraint, the same apprehension of doing what he does. Like he does. “You’re fine. Just take a few shots or something when you get upstairs. You’re rooming with me.”

“I am?” Junmyeon frowns at him, following him into the house.

“Is that a problem?” Sehun asks, pausing on the stairs into the main house.

“No,” Junmyeon says, looking a bit taken aback. “No, it’s fine. Minseok had told me I was going to be on the couch so-“

“Taemin’s date apparently dumped him, so I guess a bed opened up,” Sehun shrugs, walking back into the house. “Everyone!” he shouts, looking over the group and cutting through the shouts as someone (probably Jongin) loses the game. “This is Junmyeon. He skis. So boarders, hands off.”

Junmyeon laughs, a soft pink crawling over his cheeks as he waves to the group in a friendly manner (Sehun supposes that’s what it looks like) and the group calls out their own ‘hello’s.

“Anyway,” Sehun continues, leading Junmyeon down to the basement to drop off his stuff. It’s cooler downstairs, less of the thick atmosphere of people and the fireplaces and calmer, soft against his skin and Sehun’s pulse. “We get to share a room. I already took a bed but-“ He pauses, stepping into the room and switching on the light. Just behind him, Jummyeon is just standing, looking around the room with an almost timid expression on his face.

It’s so strange, after seeing Junmyeon look in constant control at work, commanding his classes and taking leadership of his team without restraint. Here, in this new group of people (who are, Sehun will admit, intense), he almost looks unbalanced, unsure of what to do.

It’s a very different look on him, and Sehun realizes that that aura of intimidation that seems to shroud over Junmyeon is gone. For once, he looks like he could be the same size as Kyungsoo, one of his layers vanished as he stands in a new place without the same confidence he has in a place where he knows what he’s doing.

Who he is.

“You okay?” Sehun asks, stepping back. As if his words startle Junmyeon out of his brief moment of uncertainty, he jerks, shaking his head with a hasty sigh, and then smiles. It’s a nice smile. Then he’s walking to the other bed, just beside Sehun’s, and dropping his bag.

“I’m fine,” Junmyeon says, and sighs, running his hand through his hair, carefully pushing it off his face. “Just had a long day. And that was-“ he purses his lips. They’re pink and chapped with cold. “An interesting introduction.”

“They’re nice,” Sehun says, leaning against the wall and tucking his hands into his jean’s pockets. “The group on this trip. They’re fun people and all very nice. They’ll love you in no time. I mean, they may not remember you name though. Minseok already doesn’t. There’s already been a lot of alcohol upstairs, so set your expectations for that real low.”

Junmyeon laughs, and it has a nice ring through the room, his eyes actually laughing as well as they gaze at Sehun over the beds.

“Thanks,” Junmyeon says, and Sehun swallows.

“For what?” Sehun asks, shifting his weight as he watches Junmyeon. It’s awkward, but not awkward, and Sehun tries not to think about this too hard. “Minseok is too drunk to show you around, and I’ve been on this trip for years. Plus,” he adds, wetting his lips. “I know you from work, so it’s not like we’re strangers.”

“We can consider this a test run,” Junmyeon says, letting out a soft chuckle as he unzips his overnight bag. It’s black, and looks nicer than any luggage Sehun has ever owned in his life. “Since we’ll probably be rooming together for States in February.”

“Yeah,” Sehun agrees, watching as Junmyeon pulls out what looks like a loose shirt. It’s hard to tell though, seeing as most of the items in the bag are just kind of… shoved in there like Junmyeon did his packing blindfolded. “A test run. Just so we know if one of us snores whether we should bring earplugs or not.”

“I don’t snore,” Junmyeon says firmly.

“Great, neither do I,” Sehun shrugs, looking away as Junmyeon shifts, pulling his Mr. Roger’s sweater up to untuck the collared shirt underneath. “So far we’re off to a great start.” Junmyeon smiles faintly, and Sehun pushes off the wall, turning to head back upstairs and let him change. Junmyeon hasn’t tried to cover himself, but Sehun…

“So far so good,” Junmyeon chuckles back, and Sehun turns as he pulls his sweater off over his head.

“I’ll see you upstairs,” Sehun says, waving a hand to Junmyeon as he leaves. “I’ll make sure Hyoyeon has a drink for you. Or a shot. Any requests?”

“I trust you to get me something that isn’t lethal,” Junmyeon tells him as Sehun steps from the room.

“Great,” Sehun says, and smiles even if Junmyeon can’t see him, mouth tight and holding the expression in his teeth. “Great,” he repeats as he climbs the stairs, feeling the alcohol pump in his blood and wanting to run outside into the cold air instead of the electric heat upstairs in the main room. “Great,” he repeats, stepping up to Hyoyeon in the kitchen.

“What?” she asks, turning to him over her assortment of alcohol.

“What?” Sehun mimics, and grins, feeling the edge taken off as she laughs and hits him playfully in the arm. “I need a drink for a friend.”

“The new guy?”

“Yeah,” Sehun says, leaning against the counter. “What have you got that’ll be a good push to catch up with, well, let’s put him on a Kyuhyun level.”

“Taemin brought up cupcake liquor,” Hyoyeon says, and Sehun grimaces in horror at the name. Hyoyeon shrugs. “Yeah, I know, I don't get it either. Want to see if the new guy can figure it out?”

“Junmyeon. His name is Junmyeon,” Sehun says, the words rolling through him easily. At Hyoyeon’s playful smirk, he grins, nodding a few times. “Yeah, sure. If it sucks make sure you have something as a chaser. Then I vote we ban Taemin from all other alcohol except the shit he brought.”

“Perfect,” Hyoyeon laughs, and Sehun steps away, walking back to wedge himself between Kyuhyun and Chanyeol, where he knows the game that’s being played even if it’s by drunk rules.


❉

It’s not often that Sehun wakes up with a hangover. Usually, when he does, he remembers why he doesn’t make it a regular habit of drinking. Most of the time, Sehun just doesn’t have the time to get drunk, needing to get lessons made up, learning targets incorporated, essays and papers graded, and generally just doing a ton of work.

But then there’s mornings like this one, where Jinri is walking around the house with a pot, banging on it, and yelling “Get up for first tracks! The mountain doesn’t wait for slackers!” and he remembers exactly why he hates getting that drunk. It’s easier to pull himself from bed first, stumbling from the chaos of their room (how the Hell their room got turned upside down in less than a day, Sehun has no idea but he blames Junmyeon) and to the bathroom.

“Dude.”

Turning, Sehun gives a half hearted smile as a shirtless Taemin wanders into the bathroom to join him, toothbrush in hand and hair standing up everywhere.

“So,” Sehun says around a mouthful of toothpaste. “Cupcake liquor.”

Taemin lets out the most pained moan Sehun has ever heard from him, and it has him laughing, almost choking on his toothbrush as Taemin grimaces in agony. “Shut up. You and Hyoyeon are the worst. I can’t believe you made me drink that shit.”

“I can’t believe you brought cupcake liquor,” Sehun laughs, and keeps laughing as Taemin shoves him moodily. “It’s your own fault. You brought this on yourself.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Taemin grumbles, shoving his toothpaste into his mouth grumpily. “Rub it in, asshole.”

“I try,” Sehun shrugs, spitting into the sink before stepping around Taemin and his rolling eyes. It’s been a while since he’s seen Taemin, and somehow a part of Sehun always worries that it’ll be like that time. Then they collide, end up snapping at each other, and it’s fine.

They’re fine.

Today is a downhill day. Sehun had asked Minseok for a two day pass for the mountain, to go and play and hang out and probably white wash Jinri at least one. Minseok will probably be off with Changmin and the other downhill skiers, tackling the extreme trails and skiing in the glades (10) while Sehun hangs out on the ‘safe’ trails. Usually, he skis on the same trails as Chanyeol and Jongin, typically getting into a few races with Jinri and Yoona before they meet up for lunch.

Upstairs, a few of the group are already up and making breakfast, and Sehun gratefully accepts a plate when Jinri hands him one. “You’re my hero,” he tells her, sniffing through the hangover that clogs his sinuses.

“I’m pretty sure you were the hero last night when you got Chanyeol and Jongin upstairs,” Jinri says with a tired smile. “Between you and Taemin, I always vote you to deal with them.”

“That’s because Taemin is still sixteen and doesn’t realize they’re dating,” Sehun mumbles into his eggs. “And brings cupcake liquor.”

“Don’t,” Jinri says with a shiver. “Oh my God, that stuff was awful.”

“It’s gone,” Sehun tells her. “Changmin dumped the rest of it off the balcony last night after he tried it and told Taemin he would lock him in a closet for the rest of the weekend if he tried to stop him.”

“Considering I saw Taemin wandering around shirtless this morning, I’m assuming he didn’t put up a fight,” Jinri hums, digging into her own plate of eggs. “Why is he shirtless?”

“Why do you expect me to know?” Sehun asks her, throwing her a look.

“I assume,” Jinri tells him, grinning. “You two were the ones who decided to ski shirtless in sophomore year, remember.”

“And you stole my shirt,” Sehun reminds her. “I blame you for my frostbite damage.”

“Are you sure that wasn’t because of all the trysts you had off the trail?” Jinri teases, and Sehun grimaces at her over his plate.

“Even if that would have been tempting when I was sixteen, do you know what cold does to a guys dick?”

“I have a few ideas,” Jinri shrugs, and laughs at the look on Sehun’s face. “What’s the deal with the guy you came with?”

“Junmyeon?” Sehun asks, cleaning up his plate. “What about him?”

“Nothing,” Jinri says, shrugging, and Sehun squints at her.

“No,” he tells her before she can wander her little way to the sink. “I work with him, Jinri. Hands off.”

“Me?” Jinri turns to him, her eyes widen and innocent. “I wouldn’t dare. I was just wondering about him. Why Minseok invited him. Why you-“

“They met at a ski sale,” Sehun explains, putting his plate away. “I work with him. He coaches the Alpine team.”

“Okay,” says Jinri, and shrugs, walking out of the kitchen. Sehun sighs, running his hands through his hair and over his face, knowing that won’t be the end of it from her. He’s known Jinri for too many years to think she’ll just drop it like that.

It takes about another hour before they get everyone rolling and heading out of the house. Sehun keeps having to stop and just stare at the state of the room he’s sharing with Junmyeon. Somehow, and he’s not sure how exactly, because Junmyeon only brought two bags, there is stuff everywhere.

“You know,” Sehun says, finally pulling on a light fleece over his under armor, looking across to Junmyeon who is slipping into his own gear. “I didn’t expect this.”

“What?” Junmyeon asks, frowning as he looks up. Sehun just stares pointedly at the exploded suitcase on the floor. “Oh.” Junmyeon bites his lip, looking around briefly. “It helps to spread stuff out. I know where it all is and can see it.”

“Is your classroom like this?” Sehun asks, trying to imagine how that kind of environment would be conducive to learning.

“If you ever dropped by, you would know,” Junmyeon says lightly, but the way he says it is almost too light. Sehun realizes that Junmyeon is offended that Sehun hasn’t been to his room yet.

“I’ll drop by on Monday,” Sehun tells him as the back of his mind yells at him to stop saying stupid things. He turns before Junmyeon can respond, calling out a quick farewell before jogging up the stairs to see if Chanyeol and Jongin have even made it out of their bed yet.

Usually, up on the mountains of Monarch, they all split up into skill groups. Changmin and Taecyeon have already headed up to the mountain to get first tracks while Minseok is staying at the house to make sure everyone gets to the mountain. Then they’ll be on the expert trails all day. It’s been years since Sehun skied with Minseok since those early days of one on one while Sehun learned how to actually enjoy the sport. Most of the time, Sehun skis with Jinri and Taemin, the three of them sticking to intermediate trails with Chanyeol and Jongin joining them on a few runs.

That’s how the day starts out for the most part, with Taemin shoving into the car with Sehun, Jongin, and Chanyeol before Jinri hops in and settles herself on Sehun’s lap with a wink. “Because you’re the nice one,” she tells him, and Sehun rolls his eyes at her before wrapping his arms around her waist in a makeshift seatbelt.

It’s fun, familiar, and easy to set back into the old rhythm of old friends spending a day skiing. After the first chairlift rides up where Taemin uses Sehun as a support to stay upright and Jinri laughs at both of their hangovers, the first run is a rush. They don’t push it, most of them still getting used to going fast down hills rather than taking it easy from Nordic. All except Chanyeol, who bombs down the trail last every time and nails Jongin in a white wall of snow.

“I hate you,” Jongin grumbles after the third time, and pokes him harshly in the leg with his pole tip. “I’m so done with you. Shut up.” It doesn’t do anything, Chanyeol still laughing hysterically at the almost completely white with snow figure of his pouting boyfriend.

“Don't even think about it,” Sehun tells Taemin when he catches the look on his face.

“You gonna stop me?” Taemin taunts, whacking him in the butt with his pole.

“No, I’ll drag you out of the hot tub later and throw you into the snow,” Sehun tells him easily. “Your choice. White out on the trail or I bury you under the ice tonight.”

“That’s cold, man,” Taemin tells him.

“Ice cold!” Jinri yells. “Come on, let’s go!”

By the time lunch arrives and they all meet up at the summit lodge with the rest of the group, Sehun can feel the warm pleasant ache in his body from the downhill strain. It’s nothing like the ache from Nordic, but it’s still nice. Already, just from looking around at the group, Sehun knows he’ll be one of the last men standing tonight after all things are said and done.

Or he could go to bed early and avoid getting roped into body shots with Song Qian (who always thinks it’s a great idea for some reason).

Stepping into the summit lodge, Sehun blinks when he sees some of their group already there. “Looks like were not the first ones,” Taemin says, a note of surprise in his voice as well as they look over at the group at the tables. Song Qian, Kyuhyun, and Junmyeon are already seated, their gear half off and with plates of food spread out.

“Good morning?” Kyuhyun asks, looking up with a bright smile as they walk up, Sehun smiling in greeting and Taemin just behind him.

“Not bad,” Sehun says, slipping down into the seat beside Junmyeon. It’s different, not at all like sitting next to him at work in the teachers’ room, but it’s also exactly like that. The difference is Junmyeon looks like he’s actually enjoying his day and smiling like he means it. He’s wearing a heat tech turtleneck with his hair sticking up from his forehead from being tucked under a hat and goggles all day.

“Where were you guys?” Song Qian asks around her burger as Sehun drops his gear around him, Taemin not even bothering to pause as he starts stripping out of his layers. “We didn’t see you all morning. We thought for sure you’d be up on Phoenix this morning.”

“We were on Moonlight,” Sehun answers, moving a bit closer to Junmyeon as Taemin drops down beside him. “Took the morning slow. I haven’t been on downhill skis all year.” Running a hand through his sweat stiff hair, Sehun looks around the group, eyes lingering on Junmyeon. “Where were you guys?”

“Up on Thunder Bowl,” Kyuhyun answers as Song Qian takes another bite of her meal. “We’ve been getting to know Junmyeon a bit. Last night it felt a bit throw together.”

“Sehun,” Song Qian says, clearing her throat a bit as she swallows down her food. “You suck at introductions.”

“I tried,” Sehun weakly defends, even if there’s really no denying it. It had worked out fine, Junmyeon just slipping into the group slowly last night, and Sehun had been, for lack of a better word, surprised at how he’d seemed to open up.

Not the same way that Sehun has watched his walls drop down inch by inch with a few cracks, but it was a different side of Junmyeon that Sehun saw last night. Whenever Junmyeon caught him watching, he almost gave an apologetic but defiant smile, like he questioned if Sehun would protests against him.

Which is strange, considering that Junmyeon had been so distant and removed and last night he had been…

“You never told us Junmyeon was fun,” Song Qian accuses. “I swear, I think that’s the first time we ever got through a full game of Euchre.”

“I used to play poker with the older teachers at school,” Junmyeon admits, and Sehun glances to him curiously as Jongin and Chanyeol arrive with their shared food. Junmyeon smiles, softer and a bit more unsure than Sehun is used to seeing him smile, but it’s a nicer smile. It makes him more human.

“So that explains why you and Sehun won,” Kyuhyun laughs, and Sehun bites his lip as he accepts the sandwich Chanyeol passes him.

“No, Junmyeon was just actually sober, unlike all of you,” Sehun says, catching where Junmyeon goes silent. “No one really wins drunk Euchre, we all know that.”

“That’s because everyone wins,” Taemin laughs, unwrapping his burger beside Sehun and looking around the table with a smile. “Where are you headed this afternoon?”

“We were gonna go down Windmaker for the afternoon,” Kyuhyun says, leaning back a bit. “Then maybe head over to Phoenix at the end of the day? Just to do some nice long runs before heading in.”

“Awesome,” Chanyeol says, grinning widely. “We should meet up then!”

“I still can’t believe you ski downhill,” Junmyeon says, turning to Sehun with that polite smile on his face. It’s not as cold though, and Sehun doesn’t feel small and tested as Junmyeon looks at him. “I’m so used to talking to you about Nordic.”

“You didn’t know?” Taemin asks, leaning around Sehun to join the conversation. “He’s been skiing downhill for a while. He’d probably be as good as Chanyeol if he wasn’t so nervous about speed.”

“You’re afraid of going fast?” Junmyeon asks, looking stunned to learn this small fact about Sehun.

“It’s more that I’m not partial to the idea of crashing and smashing my head open,” Sehun mumbles, biting into his sandwich and trying to avoid the conversation.

“Like how Minseok did,” Song Qian says, and Sehun swallows down the stick in his throat. Beside him, Junmyeon is oddly still, listening carefully. “He’s fine, remember, Sehun? I guarantee you he went down Heart Attack at least three times once he found Changmin.”

“Yeah, but I’m not Minseok,” Sehun continues, trying to look at Song Qian and ignore how Junmyeon is watching him. “I’d rather race up a hill, not down it.”

“It gets you a better butt,” Taemin adds, and Kyuhyun bursts out laughing as Sehun rolls his eyes. “What? It totally does. I remember watching Chanyeol actually get one for a while there.”

“Taemin, shut up and eat your chili,” Chanyeol tells him easily, flicking a spicy fry at Taemin as Jongin laughs into his lunch. “And leave my butt out of this. You never even got one after three years of skiing Nordic.”

“That’s because I was too busy staring at Sehun’s,” Taemin laughs. Even as Sehun snorts and elbows him as Taemin roughly knocks shoulders with him, the whole table just slipping into their usual eye rolling, Sehun can feel Junmyeon’s eyes on him. “Why do you think I joined Nordic?”

“See, I never know if even you know why the Hell you joined Nordic though,” Sehun points out, sitting back and leaning back from the bench. From the corner of his eye, he can see both Taemin and Junmyeon’s eyes follow him, though while Taemin just looks as teasing and stupid as ever, Junmyeon almost looks confused, worried.

Which doesn’t make sense at all.

“It was the spandex,” Jongin calls down the table.

“I understand so much more about Taemin now,” Song Qian says, seriously nodding her head as the table laughs.

“It’s better than the alpine gear,” Taemin shrugs.

“You all skied Nordic?” Junmyeon asks, looking around the table.

“You’re odd man out this time,” Sehun tells him, turning to him and watching how Junmyeon’s nervousness and confusion curves along his features, trailing down his neck and along the line of his jaw. “We all did Nordic together.”

“Sehun dragged us all on this trip the second year he was invited,” Kyuhyun explains as Sehun leans back towards his food. Under the table, he feels Junmyeon’s knee brush against his, and pulls away, knocking against Taemin’s thigh. Of course, Taemin nudges back, grinning at him from the side. “You’re not the first one he’s pulled along with him.”

Sehun waits, expecting Junmyeon to say he didn’t, that Sehun never asked him to go on this trip, that Minseok was the one who approached him, that Sehun had no idea Junmyeon was even going to be here until just a few weeks ago.

It never happens. Instead, Junmyeon chuckles, and looks down at his food. “I guess I have a lot more to learn, then.”

“About Sehun?” Taemin prompts, and Sehun flinches slightly as he leans and wraps an arm around his shoulder. “What kind of stuff do you want to know? We know all of his dirty secrets. We’d be happy to help.” Sehun’s stomach turns, and he looks down at the half finished sandwich in his hands, his appetite fleeing.

It’s been years since the days when Sehun would lean back into his touch, since any of Taemin’s gestures or touches meant anything, and usually Sehun wouldn’t care. Everyone on the trip now knows that history, knows about how Chanyeol and Jongin have been that couple since high school, and they all know about the brief period when Sehun and Taemin had been anything more than friends. They know about how Sehun hasn’t gone out with a girl since he came out to Jinri in tears, scared and alone and she’d taken him to prom as her date, telling him it was okay.

That he was okay.

They all know. They all know him, know who he is, and it’s okay.

They all know, except Junmyeon.

Something about that, how Junmyeon is someone who Sehun trusts but doesn’t really know, who works with him but doesn’t sit with him at lunch, makes Sehun uneasy. How Junmyeon is sharing a room with him this weekend, but Sehun doesn't know if he should look when Junmyeon’s walls lower just a bit more, has Sehun wanting to pull out of Taemin’s lazy hug.

It’s not that he doesn’t want Junmyeon to know. Sehun doesn’t care if Junmyeon knows, if he finds out that Sehun doesn’t want a girlfriend because Sehun has only ever fallen in love with men. He doesn’t care if Junmyeon knows that it took years before he just decided ‘screw it’ and let Taemin in too close when he pushed him too far and found out what his smirking laughter tasted like on his tongue.

Sehun doesn’t care, doesn’t want to care, doesn’t want to acknowledge that what Junmyeon thinks of him matters to him. It didn’t before, but now, with Junmyeon sitting so close and Sehun knowing they’re returning to share a room together for the evening…

Sehun doesn't want history to repeat, and he swallows down the lump in his throat as that possibility arises.

“That hardly seems fair,” Junmyeon says, his voice almost too close and too loud as Sehun sits beside him and-

Blinking, Sehun turns, looking at Junmyeon and realizes he’s smiling again. Not the full open smile of laughter that Sehun has only seen a few times, but a softer smile. Not polite, but it’s reassuring, a gentle humor in his eyes Sehun has never seen before. It’s like…

“I don’t think that’s very fair to Sehun to have you all spill his secrets when he doesn’t get to fight back,” Junmyeon is saying, and Sehun waits for the stiffness, the pull away, the edge.

It never comes. The feeling from Junmyeon isn’t pulling away, but leaning in, relaxing, finally letting go of the tension in his shoulders.

“Then you’ll just have to tell us all your secrets,” Chanyeol suggests, smiling over the table at Junmyeon. Then, Sehun feels Junmyeon tighten beside him, but he doesn’t pull back, doesn’t shut down. “One for one, we spill a secret of Sehun and you tell us something about.”

“See,” Sehun says, speaking up and trying to take the tension out of his head. Get it out, unwind it in the open. “Now this is really unfair, because I don’t even get a say in this. And how is it getting to know all of us if it’s only my life we’re exposing?”

“Because you're the most interesting of all of us,” Kyuhyun says easily, and Song Qian laughs again, her eyes creasing as she sits back. “Obviously.”

“Way to make the rest of us feel lame,” Taemin drawls, his arm hooking around Sehun’s shoulder easier, dangling over his chest. Sehun doesn’t pull away, doesn't feel as exposed with Junmyeon looking around the table at all of them. He only slaps at Taemin’s hand when his fingers poke at his stomach. “Putting Sehun on the pedestal like that.”

“Weren’t you just the one offering to reveal all my secrets two seconds ago?” Sehun reminds him, turning to Taemin with a raised brow.

“I like to see you exposed,” Taemin shrugs, fingers poking him hard in the belly and Sehun scoffs, barely hesitating to shove him off this time. Of course, Taemin is laughing, just as he always is, slouching to the bench with his face creased in laughter as the rest of the table sighs with the same resigned acceptance of ‘here we go again’.

“Shut up, asshole,” Sehun says, none of the old bite in his voice and none of the heat in his face. He’s used to it. It’s been so long, so many years of Taemin teasing him, it’s water against a glass, and Sehun just lets it run off of him.

It’s been so long since the stuff Taemin says bothers him really, and he turns back to his food without worrying about it. Beside him though, Junmyeon is frowning slightly, and Sehun pauses when he catches his gaze on him.

“What?” he asks, and stills, not sure what kind of look it is that Junmyeon is giving him.

Shaking his head and turning away, that same smile slipping over Junmyeon’s face, he lets out a sort of laughing sigh. “Nothing,” he says, crumpling up his food wrappers. “Are you going to ski Windmaker with us this afternoon?”

Before Sehun can answer, Kyuhyun is laughing, capturing both of their attention. “You couldn’t get Sehun on Windmaker if you paid him.”

“That’s a lie,” Sehun defends himself firmly, and Kyuhyun chokes on his laughter as the table turns to him. “How much money would you offer me?”

“One hundred to go down Misery,” Song Qian says immediately and Sehun winces.

“Yeah, no,” Sehun says, as the table rolls back into laughter, Junmyeon watching him curiously with a small relaxed smile. He looks easier, more comfortable, settled with posture that isn’t rigid beside Sehun in space that feels okay to be shared. “I’ll keep my body and limbs intact, thanks. That trail is awful.”

“Hence why they call it Misery,” Kyuhyun laughs, and stands, grabbing his lunch tray and stepping back. “So meet up on Phoenix? Later? If we’re still alive?”

“Yeah,” Sehun says, smiling and glancing to see Junmyeon watching him with a small smile of his own on his face. “Sounds good.”


❉


Safe.

The word Sehun had been looking for to describe the feeling earlier that day at lunch, when Junmyeon shifted, like he wasn’t holding himself too tight and waiting for Sehun to do… something. It’s safe, but not in the way that Sehun felt it was okay to call Junmyeon when Yibo was waiting for parents that weren’t coming.

That was trust.

Safe is the way Junmyeon isn’t has hard, actually looks like he means it when he and Song Qian and Kyuhyun meet up with them on Phoenix to ski the afternoon. Safe is the way that Junmyeon tells jokes for the first time Sehun has ever heard them and even if they’re terrible jokes, Junmyeon doesn’t look nervous after he’s said them.

Safe is the way that Sehun realizes Junmyeon hadn’t felt until this afternoon, and it’s in the gentle slope of his shoulders, the way he closes his eyes and flops onto the couch with Sehun when they get back to the house. It’s a whole other side that Sehun realizes isn’t scared to see, because Junmyeon isn’t scared to let that wall fall and let Sehun see him.

It’s not stepping in where he shouldn’t but laughing when Junmyeon finally admits his old skiing career and Kyuhyun drops his plate of food in shock. It’s not holding his tongue when they get into talking about skiing, when they all end up in the hot tub downstairs and Junmyeon spends the whole time refusing to admit he’s cold even if he has goosebumps that brushing against Sehun’s arm and leave his skin tingling slightly.

Sehun realizes as they all split up that Junmyeon is friendlier in general, talking easier, smiling and letting it reach his eyes, the professional shield dropped, and Sehun isn’t just his coworker.

Sehun has been let in because he’s safe.

“Sehun,” Junmyeon says, smiling and stumbling slightly in the snow, wearing boots and an untucked flannel shirt, his hair still wet from the hot tub. Sehun doesn’t resist, instead laughing as Junmyeon pulls him by the wrist towards his side of the yard for the game they’re playing (Sehun still isn’t sure what the game is, just that there’s beer involved and it was Taemin’s idea, so it’s probably going to be terrible).

With puffs of clouded breath ghosting up from his mouth, Sehun stumbles in the cold, knowing that all of them should be wearing coats even if the alcohol in their blood makes it too hot. “What are we doing?” Sehun asks, watching as Junmyeon stands and pushing his hair back, messy and relaxed with a competitive glint in his slightly glazed eyes.

“Something to do with beer,” Junmyeon says, his voice alive and rushed, his words rising in puffs of white. “I don’t know really, I couldn’t understand Taemin at all. Or Minseok. Whoever explained the game.”

Sehun is laughing, stepping closer and into space that shouldn’t be his but Junmyeon doesn’t pull away. “Taemin,” Sehun clarifies. “That was Taemin.”

“Right,” Junmyeon says, and chuckles, shaking his head as if agitated. “Anyway, I think he throws the beer in the snow and we have to find it and, uh, drink it? Then go tag the next person to find another beer.”

“Find the beer in the snow,” Sehun clarifies, nodding as his memory tries to churn through the four drinks Hyoyeon had made him earlier.

“That’s the concept, I think.”

Sehun laughs, and Junmyeon’s eyes are a complicated mix of brown and convoluted dimensions of what makes Junmyeon who he is. “No, that’s the name of the game,” Sehun laughs, pulling away before he leans too close and loses balance.

Don’t fall.

“Oh,” Junmyeon looks briefly puzzled, but then he’s laughing again, loud and full and Sehun smiles with his whole self.

“I didn’t know you were this much fun.” The words spill from his thoughts into the air, and the slow widening of Junmyeon’s eyes is illuminated by the snow around them.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” Junmyeon tells him, but it’s almost a tease, just like the corner of his mouth.

“Yet?” Sehun asks, feeling the cold begin to crawl up his burning skin, seeping to bite at the sensitive ends of his body.

The tilt of lips turns into a smirk turns into a smile turns into the fall of Junmyeon’s hair into his face from where it had been pushed back as he laughs and his pale skin stands up in goosebumps in the winter chill even as he looks so warm.

“Yet.”

Someone yells ‘go’, and Sehun is left standing on his side of the field realizing it’s only him and Junmyeon on this team, and that his other half is running in a stumbling uncoordinated drunk gait into the snow. And Sehun is still trying to remember if Taemin even threw the beer out into the snow for them to find in the first place as Junmyeon collides with Jinri and they both go down laughing.

“Oh,” says Sehun, and closes his eyes.


❉


There has always been a thin line between one thing of what it is and another thing of what it could be. Whether it’s the final moments between dusk and night, when shadows are more real than physical things and in that breathless state in insecurity between a handshake or a hug.

What is this? rings with the silence of nothing but a question between words and the implied meaning behind them.

Waking up in the cooler air of the basement bedroom, half wrapped up in a sweatshirt and tasting chocolate still on the backs of his teeth, Sehun stares at the ceiling and wonders if he’s crossed the thin line yet.

For years, this trip has happened and Sehun has felt the three days flew by, his memories on snow and laughter and friends. This year, the weekend felt like so much longer, each moment in between longer than the day itself until it begins to stack up higher and higher until it’s made a book in his head.

Watching the soft and final steps between his friends, old and new, laughing and gathered around the house between games and drinks and watching as people began to remember themselves. It’s the memories of watching Chanyeol and Jongin holding onto each other with the certainty that means never let go and finally watching Taemin look at them with a sort of wistful faith in them.

It’s the memories of watching Changmin haul Minseok off to bed early for drinking too much too fast and laughing about it rather than rolling his eyes. It’s the look of hilarity on Jinri’s face when Minseok called out to her and she told him ’dreams come true’.

It’s the memories of finding Taemin sitting on the dining room floor away after realizing he’d been away from the party and feeling him push his face into Sehun’s shoulder, fingers curling into the hem of his shirt. It’s the memories of watching him break again, his voice wavering as he hides the betrayal of expression and tells Sehun he’s sorry and Sehun knows he’s apologizing to someone who should have been here but isn’t. It’s feeling Taemin’s shoulder’s shake under his hand and just listening to him, remembering a worse time, and putting aside the snapping banter to be there for an old friend. It’s the memory and the reality of how this isn’t the past, and Sehun isn’t his future anymore, and it’s better that way.

It’s the memory of Jinri laughing as Hyoyeon shoves her into Kyuhyun’s lap and tells her to stay as Song Qian photographs all of them in matching flannel. It’s the memory of Jinri choking off her laughter as Kyuhyun had leaned in with a laugh and pressed a playful kiss to her cheek, her cheeks turning bright red.

Lying in bed and looking at the ceiling, Sehun breathes in a deep breath, knowing he’s woken too early as the house makes no sound yet. Turning, he glances through the room towards the other man on the bed close enough Sehun could reach out and brush his fingers against the wrist dangling off the edge. Those memories are confusing, but hold a future, something that has his mind turning over what it means.

Memories of Junmyeon laughing, smiling, relaxing, arguing but letting other people win, pouting when he lost a game and refusing to admit he’s cold even as he shivered with his arm pressed against Sehun’s. Those memories of Junmyeon finding him when he’d been on the floor with Taemin and frozen, eyes darkening before he’d fled to leave them in silence.

Those memories of Junmyeon gone and finding him sitting on the edge of his bed amid the mess of clothing and items from his bag at his feet, frowning at his hands. The honest and determined look on his clouded eyes when he’d looked up at Sehun and asked him if he was okay.

The look on Junmyeon’s face when Sehun hadn’t known he was talking before he’d explained why, explained it was fine, explained that he and Taemin broke up a while ago and that he knows Taemin doesn’t love him aside from friendship. The look that Sehun hadn’t been able to hold long because too much of it was familiar and he’d realized Junmyeon never asked about Taemin but asked about him.

“I’m okay,” had been the only thing Sehun could get out because it was always true even when he wanted to shake apart and felt exposed and unsteady under that look.

Lying in the early morning light, Sehun wonders what it means, if this is the line where Junmyeon had sat with him an hour after hearing “I’m okay” and smiled, starting another round of Euchre and claiming Sehun as his partner. If it means they know each other, if they’re still just coworkers or if they’ve moved beyond that and Junmyeon will smile like he does now at lunch on Monday and sit with him.

It’s harder to silence his thoughts when there’s no way to get them out. Sighing as he claims the first shower (no one else is up so he may as well), Sehun lets it pour out of him in a soft mumble of words, the water pouring over him and washing it down the drain at his feet.

If the school knows by Monday that Sehun isn’t ever really going to get involved in the teaching drama where students try to pair their educators off and ‘make them happy’ like some weird teen romance. Sehun isn’t going to date Jia because Sehun has never fallen in love with a woman. It’s not what makes him who he is and it shouldn’t.

As much as the anxiety curls up into his chest from his stomach, Sehun knows that Junmyeon won’t talk about it. If it’s necessary, he might, but from the way he’d behaved this weekend, it’s almost like he felt more comfortable once he figured it out.

It makes Sehun almost wonder.

Almost.

Today is the last day, and tomorrow, Monday, the real world steps back into play and Sehun can’t forget the responsibility of being a teacher for a weekend where he could just be himself instead of ‘Mr. Oh’.

Today is the day that he has to clear his head, and Minseok looks like shit when Sehun finds him upstairs wearing a shirt too big for him and with his hair still damp from a shower. “You’re kidding me,” Minseok sighs, and Sehun smiles in slight apology. “You asshole, I was looking forward to trying to get you on Windmaker today. You even brought your Nordic gear with you, didn’t you?”

“Just in case,” Sehun says with a shrug, feeling easier knowing he can switch out his ticket. He’d happily pay for it truthfully, needing to unwind for the day and just ski to push the overflowing memories into quiet again before he steps back into the classroom. “Besides, didn’t Kyu want another ticket? He only had a two day’s pass and already skied on Friday.”

“I don’t remember,” Minseok croaks out a laugh. “I’ll ask Changmin. But that’d be the best if he wants the day.”

It feels a bit strange to be up, set on his internal clock from waking up at six every morning to get to school on time, when everyone else drags themselves up with exhaustion and bleary eyes. In the basement room, Junmyeon is sitting on his bed, dragging his fingers through his mussed up hair and Sehun catches the way his oversized sleep shirt slips down his shoulder.

“Am I actually going to get to see you ski today?” Junmyeon asks him, looking up with a smile warm with sleep.

“Probably not,” Sehun admits, and flashes him an apologetic smile as he pulls his sweater over his head, figuring it’ll be easier to change before the heads to the Nordic center. “I’m heading to the Nordic center today. To get in some skiing before I just have to stand by the sidelines and sit in a classroom for most of my time.”

“Oh,” Junmyeon says, and a look of disappointment passes over his face as he stares at Sehun, the cold of the room nipping against Sehun’s bare skin.

“What?”

“I thought I might be able to ski with you today,” Junmyeon says, and laughs a bit like he’s not sure if he can admit something like that.

“Why would I go up against a previous Olympic Qualifier though?” Sehun asks, snorting out a laugh as he bends to grab his bag. “I’m pretty sure it’s better if I don’t go out skiing with you on downhill and make a fool of myself.”

“Sehun.”

“Hm?” Sehun looks up, catching sight of Junmyeon’s quirked smile in the half morning light of the room.

“I teach skiers all the time,” Junmyeon says, his voice taking on that patience Sehun knows means ‘teacher talking’. “I wouldn’t make fun of you or think poorly of you.”

“You say that as Mr. Kim the Alpine coach,” Sehun says and laughs, pulling a thinsulate undershirt out of his bag. It’s black, and one of his favorites, the material warm and water wicking so he doesn’t sweat through and freeze. “But I’m pretty sure I’m out here skiing with Junmyeon, who, considering how you laughed at even Jongin’s jokes last night, would laugh at me on the slopes.”

“Jongin is funny,” Junmyeon says with a small laugh.

“No, he isn’t,” Sehun clarifies, but can’t help but smile anyway. “You were definitely just drunk.” Junmyeon doesn’t frown, but he does stop laughing. The humor, and what Sehun might (if he were really pushed) call affection lingering in his eyes. “Maybe another time. We can trade. I’ll ski Alpine with you one day, and you ski Nordic with me another day.”

“That-“ Junmyeon pauses, and a contemplative look passes over his face. “Yeah, okay. It’s a deal.”

It’s almost stable, the feeling between them where it’s right on the edge, where Sehun thinks this is friendship and Junmyeon has that feeling about him, but he’s not entirely sure.

After today, will they still be friends, or will they go back to being two coaches of two teams who teach in the same building but rarely visit each other or see each other? Friendship doesn’t mean something casual and easily forgotten.

It means being safe. It means trusting, and it means Sehun not hesitating to punch Taemin for a shitty joke or calling him out on being a bastard, but also sitting with his face pressed into his shoulder and listening as Taemin apologizes for what they never were.

“Cool,” Sehun says, and grins as he pulls his shirt over his head. It’s only been a few short minutes, and he has to check with Kyuhyun still, but he can already feel the familiar simmer of excitement at getting on real skis and pushing off onto a track to feel the cold burn against his face.

Pausing at the door, Sehun turns back, and stills. It’s one thing to be so used to seeing Junmyeon in Mr. Roger’s sweaters all the time, or wrapped up in a jacket and scarf as he gets to work. It’s another to look through the haze of memories from last night and remember Junmyeon in a hot tub that Sehun was only half paying attention to.

It’s another thing entirely to look at Junmyeon, his loose sleep shirt pulled over his head and hair standing up and remember that, despite how many times Hoseok refers to him as “Old Man Kim”, Junmyeon is only a few years older than Sehun. It shows itself in the toned lines of his torso, the strong line of his shoulders, and Sehun remembers in a stupid revelation that he’d known since he met him, that Junmyeon is a man just as he is.

“I may not see you again today,” Sehun says, and Junmyeon doesn’t make any indication of being self conscious as he looks up. “I’ll probably be at the Nordic center all day.”

But this has been really fun, murmurs under Sehun’s voice. And I think I like spending time with you, Junmyeon.

Junmyeon smiles, and he turns to face Sehun properly before a sound like a laugh spills from his throat. “Don’t worry about it,” he says, and his eyes are warm as he looks so much younger and real than Sehun has ever seen him before. A real person, tangible beyond the walls and almost waiting for Sehun to reach out and touch. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Alright,” Sehun says, and pulls away with a smile, tugging his bags with him as he heads upstairs to find Kyuhyun.

But will we still be friends? rings inside Sehun’s head as he steps out into the cold air later, skis and poles in hand and boots crunching through the snow, thoughts of Junmyeon still stuck even if Sehun wants them gone. Can I still be your friend?

Letting out a long breath, Sehun closes his eyes once he clicks into his bindings, hands flexing around his poles as he grounds himself. His mind is too busy and Sehun needs to be free, breathing out as he leans forward, pushing onto his ski and pushing his weight back through his poles, putting the clamor in his head into the force of it.

Let it go whispers through his head in a silent mantra as the memories pull forward into the forefront of his mind and he breathes out, pushing them through his arms and back as he skis ahead and leaves them in silence.


✦


There is a saying somewhere that has to do with this.

It goes a bit like ”you can’t truly appreciate how much you love something until you hate it with a burning dying passionate rage” or something.

A part of Sehun thinks it’s complete bullshit because right now, skiing up this hill, his arms and legs and abs and back and throat burning and hurting and feeling about one pole plant away from vomiting all over himself, he hates Nordic skiing.

“You can do it!” scream the assholes on the sides of the trail who aren’t skiing and have literally no idea how much Sehun hates everything right now. “Come on! Ski up that hill! Get up, get up! Lift those feet! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

“I’m gonna die!” Sehun tries to wail but it comes out more like a wheezing whine that just sounds as pathetic as he feels. He’s been racing for what feels like seven weeks and his body has had it.

This hill is going to kill him. Sehun hates whoever it was that named a stupid hill on a high school Nordic ski course ‘College’ because goddamnit there are kids who will never graduate and this is just mocking them. And him.

Sehun is a freaking freshman and College is so far out of his sphere of ‘important shit I care about’ that Sehun wants nothing more than to jump the trail into a tree just so he can stop.

He hates Nordic skiing. He hates racing. He hates this hill and these horrible people who keep sounding so positive when he’s so completely miserable.

“Pole! Pole, pole, pole” yells Hyoyeon from up ahead on the trail, the girls team all clustered about in jacket and school colors as Sehun feels the sweat frozen on his face crack. “Come on! Sehun! You’re almost there! Once you get over this hill, you’re done! So hurry it up! Get up, get up, pick it up”

“I. Hate. You.” If Hyoyeon hears him, Sehun doesn’t even care because his feet feel like lead and the air he drags into his mouth tastes like blood. He can feel the sweat and snot running down his face, frozen from the cold and it’s disgusting.

This is a disgusting sport and Sehun hates everything so much.

“Come on!” screams Hyoyeon, leaping out from the snow bank on the side of the trail and running along the trail, clapping him along, and screaming beside him. “Pick it up! Pick up your feet! Plant your poles and V one, V one, V one! Get up that hill!”

“Shut up!” Sehun screams in a cracking garble that’s breathless and tight and he burns as he plants his poles. He’s angry, so angry it’s fire racing through all of him as he pushes with strength he doesn’t feel like he has up the hill.

This is awful, Sehun hates it, Sehun loathes this sport as he grits his teeth in a snarl, snaps his wrists as he transitions to his other ski, and swiftly plants his poles on the other side. Stupid. Awful. Sport. Vision clouding with the heavy breaths that cloy in his mouth, too hot, too hot, Sehun pushes through again, forcing faster, harder, hating, up the hill.

“Yes!” Hyoyeon is screaming. “Yes! Sehun! Go, go, go!”

Sehun is going to kill her first. It’s definite. Right after he kills Chanyeol for getting him into this horrible awful heinous sport. But first he has to get to the finish line, where Chanyeol already is, with a good time to probably put him on the States team that Sehun wants to be on so badly but-

Pole plant. Push. Glide. Scream internally. Pole plant. Push. Glide. Scream out loud as Sehun crests the hill finally and nearly stumbles, faltering as he pushes too hard with arms that are about to fall off.

Someone (probably Hyoyeon) screams behind him to “go!” and Sehun just doesn’t care, just wants to finish this race. Right now. Just lie down on the track and expire but no, that’s letting the race win, that’s letting the race beat him and Sehun hates it too much to let it do that.

Growling (or trying to, Sehun doesn’t know what sound comes out of his mouth), he pushes with arms that feel like sore jelly and legs that hate him just as much as he hates this race, Sehun skates over the flat before the trail slopes.

The rush of wind as he picks up speed is, in short, scary. Sehun hates going fast, feeling so out of control as he tries to keep stable on thin skis and no support, skis angled in a snow plow so he doesn’t fall. It burns against his eyes, the wind from whipping down the trail so cold and dry and making him wince as everything hurts.

But he’s not as tired, the relief from finishing the hill letting him breathe, catch back some of the air as he flies down, stepping quickly around the turn at the base and straightening up.

Then bending, the breath rushing through him as he hits the flat already racing through it, heart pounding and egging him on, going faster, faster, finish the race before you throw up. The burning is less, more of the pounding rush through his arms and legs, getting blood back into them after the lactic acid has abated.

Teeth grit, Sehun keeps his head half bent, eyes forward as he skates, poling on both sides, pushing faster, faster, faster because he’ll be damned if he lets this race beat him. It burns, a growing and building fire of energy that races through his limbs, curling in a tight coil in his gut, keeping the nausea of overexertion at bay as he pushes harder, faster, stronger to the finish.

There are people screaming when he clears the trees, barreling up one of the last hills with all the profanity he knows streaming through his head and a growl in the back of his throat. It feels so good, getting to the top and seeing the end. Right there.

Sehun wants it. Wants it so bad, to get across that line and be done with this race, this sport, maybe this world.

He wants to go faster, get there as soon as possible so he can lie down forever. There are so many people screaming, bundled up in jackets and Sehun is so hot, everything burning as he sweats through layers and feels it dripping down his neck, he can’t look at them.

Only at the finish, the orange line and the time clock with his number and his time clicking down so fast Sehun can’t catch it.

The rapid strain in his arms, his shoulders, his back are white screaming in his head, no energy or sound to spare as he focuses on getting as much air as he can in frantic gasps, pushing, pushing, poling, poling, faster to the finish in a burning firing hating frantic coil of whole body panic to just get there.

The time clock is visible for barely a moment, reading 19:52:07 before everything shuts down in Sehun’s body. It’s a bit like blacking out, except Sehun is entirely conscious when his body gives up on itself and he goes crashing in a high velocity pile of limbs into the packed snow at the finish line, skidding at least a few feet in a spray of snow that goes right up the back of his uni.

The cold is so nice against Sehun’s burning skin, jammed up against his sides and spine and offering shocking relief to the throb that seems to envelope his whole body. He’s done, done and even if he doesn’t have the air for it, Sehun is laughing.

Wheezing sad sounding exhausted laughter wracking from lungs gasping for air as Sehun lies on the ground with his skis and poles akimbo and body a limp noodle because he’s made it.

19:52:07.

The best time Sehun has ever had. The fastest time and even if he’s pretty sure he’s going to throw up, his stomach too tight from over work and system shaking violently, Sehun is inexplicably, crazily, euphoric. Sehun can’t even move because his body is so angry at him for making it race but he can’t stop laughing, lying in the cold snow as he looks up at the sky and is just happy.

It’s like being filled with angry bubbles, cascading through him in relief to stop racing, to have beaten his best times, to have made it, and to finally let the agonizing strain in his muscles begin to reknit back together. He’s still laughing, the cool air finally helping to sooth the burning, numbing it to a dull ache as the snow up his shirt melts and soothes chilly against him, breaths finally evening out.

Right before the boys descend on him, Jongin first, all half moon eyes and high shrieks of congratulations, then Chanyeol, booming loudly in excitement as they fall on top of him and crush his life out of him. Wheezing but still laughing, Sehun can’t help but smile, arms weakly waving as he tries to hug back and can’t.

They help him up, Jongin slipping to his side and hauling his arm over his shoulder, holding him up so Sehun can stand.

“How do you feel?” Chanyeol asks, bouncing ahead of them, his ski hat off and hair bouncing on his head.

“Half dead,” Sehun croaks, his voice still rough from the race. “But awesome.”

“Congratulations!” Jongin beams at him, his smile radiant and Sehun feels so full, so happy, he barely even registers the hugs as they come in.

“You did it,” Minho tells him, stepping back and ruffling his hair after a brief hug, his eyes dancing in fond pride.

“Did what?” Sehun asks, blinking.

“You beat Taemin,” Chanyeol teases, and Taemin elbows him roughly with a fake smile.

“You made the States team,” Minho clarifies, and Sehun’s breath catches.

“I-“ Sehun turns, looking back at the score board. It has another skier now, another time, but Sehun can still see 19:52:07 in bright yellow. “I made the team?”

“Looks like you really are our wiz kid,” Minho laughs, tugging him in for a side hug and shaking him with rough affection. “Congrats! I knew you could do it.”

“It was no big deal,” Sehun says, feeling his cheeks blaze even as he feels himself swelling with happiness and everything in the world. “I knew I could do it.”

Minho is laughing, still holding him to his side and keeping him up even as Sehun feels his legs begin to go weak for reasons that have nothing to do with the race. Looking up at Minho’s brilliant smile, Sehun’s breath catches as his stomach jumps and another rush floods through him.

Another victory, and the feeling at the end is everything he might want, falling in love with the sport that pushes him into a new world, into new feelings, and a new hope.

The hope of winning for once, where he can do it, and where doing his best means something.

“I’m proud of you,” Coach says gruffly, not actually sounding too proud even as he claps Sehun on the shoulder a few times. “Now just keep up the work and you might be something at States.”

Sehun just nods, head buzzing and unable to stop smiling as he turns back to the team, and walks back to get tugged to the side of the person who he looks up to the most, and who means something.

“I love this sport,” Sehun says, feeling the ringing rush through him as he says it, the delicious ache in his muscles that will be stiff later. But he means it.

This is love.


❉




AUTHOR’S NOTE

Thank you to those of you who have read this. The remainder of the fic will be posted soon for you to find out what happens. In the mean time, I hope you enjoyed this, laughed a bit, and had an overall good time. There is more to come soon!




And look! More footnotes!

7. The first style of cross country skiing is known as ‘classic’. This style is often done in a walking motion, stepping to the gliding ski before transferring to the other ski using a ‘kick zone’. Most classic skis have an area under the binding that is ridged, offering a grip to the snow known as a ‘kick’, making it easy to step to the other ski and keep traction. On race skis, this ‘kick zone’ is smooth, and is given the ‘kick’ by using a type of wax that is temperature specific and will provide traction on the snow. Classic skiing is the oldest style of cross country skiing. More information can be found here.

8. ‘Freestyle’ or ‘skate skiing’ is the style of skiing in which the entire bottom of the ski is smooth and waxed for gliding. The technique is very similar to ice skating, where a skier will transition their weight between feet and the weight on the ski propels it forward. Freestyle skiing is often the faster of the two cross country ski styles and requires more balance, technique, and combines a variety of techniques for hill climbing, racing, and ‘tricks’ to gain speed during races. More information can be found here.

9. ‘Euchre’ is a card game of matching suits and playing ‘tricks’. The game they are playing in this is better referred to as ‘drunk euchre’ and only vaguely resembles actual ‘euchre’ because only ½ the people understand the rules, which are mostly made up on the fly. The goal of ‘euchre’ is to get the most number of ‘tricks’ in a game. The goal of ‘drunk euchre’ is to not play out of turn and to actually manage to get a ‘trick’ with your partner. In ‘euchre’, the winner is whoever wins ten games first. In ‘drunk euchre,’ no one wins because they all are winners for even attempting to play and shuffle the goddamn deck.

10. “Glades” are the trails on downhill ski resorts that are trails through the trees. They are typically ungroomed and intended for expert skiers only.









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